


The Vanishing

by SpuffyCarrie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Break Up, Canon Related, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Erotica, F/M, First Time, Getting Back Together, Humor, Loss of Virginity, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, POV First Person, Secret Relationship, Sexual Content, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-07-05 16:57:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 59,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15867846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpuffyCarrie/pseuds/SpuffyCarrie
Summary: Draco knows he wants Hermione, he's loved her since he saw her on the train during the first year of Hogwarts, but its taken him until year five to get her alone.  A lonely Hermione is suspicious, the attention being given to her by the son of Death Eater who's never been anything more than a Bully before is worrying at best. She meets him, but is it a mistake?Neither think they should be together and are terrified of the consequences, but if these two forces of nature join together, what are they capable of?Written in first person POV.*This fic is currently rated as mature, but may be edited and re-rated as Explicit during later chapters. It's also my first Dramione fic, I'd love to have some feedback.





	1. Chapter 1

 

Not him. Never Him.

I almost find myself falling from the roof when I see him enter, the butter beer I’d downed earlier at the Three Broomsticks, like acid in the back of my throat as I watched him surrounded by the Death Eaters inside. I knew what was happening and why we were following him, but I just couldn’t bring myself to believe it was really true. He said he wouldn’t, he promised me.

I slide down and launch myself to the ground, with the help of a convenient and well-fixed gutter.

“Hermione, no!” Ron and Harry leap to the ground behind me, their landings are slightly easier as they’re taller, but they realise what my plan is and reach out for me a second too late as I take flight, their pleas and grasps are lost in the sound of my heartbeat slamming through my ears as I race ahead, leaving them behind. The only sound I can hear is that of my plimsols smacking through the wet cobbles behind Diagon Alley, as I head through the rat run of streets towards Borgin and Burkes. The roof we’d been perched on was close to the shop, but further away than I thought.

Drenched by a downpour of heavy rain, my best friends are tailing me, and I have no choice, I turn on them, wand in hand and shout. “Don’t follow me! I'm sorry, Confundo!” I know I have no choice but to send a spilt Confundus charm, its lightning strike hitting them both between the eyes. They can’t know how I feel about him, they mustn’t, and I watch my best friends both stare at each other blankly before bumping into each other and falling over, muttering curiously as they fall to the floor. There’s no time to worry about them, they’ll be fine in a few hours, but someone else, however, is digging himself into a deeper hole.

“No! He can’t, he can’t do this!” I voice as I run, my chest heaving and blood pounding through my ears.

I reach the heavy black wooden shop door and I stop, unsure what to do. Death Eaters are inside, and they’ll hit me with an Avada, as soon as look at me, but I won't let him become one of them. I inch open the door, brushing my rain-soaked hair out of my eyes and hit the bell with a silencing spell. I don’t have the luxury of owning a cloak like Harry’s, so I’m relying on the fact no-one is down on the ground floor. There’s no sign of Mr. Borgin, nor anyone else, so I tentatively step over the threshold.

As I step onto the stairs towards the upper level, I hear his voice and my heart clenches. He’s said he’ll take the cabinet and he’s asking how to fix one. I close my eyes, and gulp as I know exactly which one he’s speaking of.  We’d been there, in the room of requirement, the first time we told each other I love you.

………………………………………………………………………..

I hate him! Merlin’s sodding, beard, I could curse him for just being alive! Yet again, I only have to walk alone through the halls towards to the bloody common rooms and I have Slytherin jibes. But Malfoy is the worst, tailing me as the other snakes grow bored and go back to their chatter, some other poor passing student at their mercy. I thought by the fifth year we’d be more mature, that we’d have got past this ridiculous crap.

Harry’s at Quidditch practice and Ron’s probably somewhere stuffing his face, or avoiding any new decree set out by Umbridge, as per usual. And me? I just want to walk the halls of the school I love and read my book, it’s the only free time I get to myself, apart from studying and the DA. Things are bad enough here without having Malfoy shadowing my every move.

“So, you think you can just walk away from me, Granger?” Malfoy spits malevolently as I try to ignore him. He’s close, barely a foot away, and I feel anxiety run through my body and tense as I turn the corner into a dim and empty corridor, blanching as I realise there’s no one else there. In all my years at Hogwarts I've always tried to avoid being left alone, being alone leaves me in danger, like right now.

He’s still behind me and I feel a tug on my hair. However much I've been bullied in the past, no one had ever actually reached out and touched me, well, never without using magic. I stop and draw my wand, thinking of the Avis curse I’d recently read about, a defensive spell. Malfoy must be charged with finding out where the DA meetings are, it's the only reason for him to follow me at all, I know he's one of Umbridge’s flunkeys. I cringe at his touch, fully expecting him to yank a lock of my hair from the root.

I take my time to turn slowly. This could be it for me. This could be the moment Malfoy decides to bugger the rules and Avada the most well-known muggle born witch in the school. Everyone who has any common sense knows that Voldemort is back, Harry told them, most still don’t believe him, but the snakes would know he was, wouldn’t they? It would be easy enough for the dark lord to prey on the children of Death Eaters and have them do his bidding.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” I find myself saying, with more conviction than courage, he's so close behind me I can feel the heat of his breath on my neck. I turn back towards him and he's not looking at my face like I expect him to be, in fact, he has a lock of my hair in his hand, and drops it instantly, but not before I miss the look of longing in his eyes as he glances at me. His relaxed demeanour changes instantly, swirling grey eyes freezing to ice in an instant as he stiffens.

I feel a jolt of something I can't name in my lower stomach as he lets go, my hair settling back into place in its own unruly way.

“Err, I…” He begins, and I stare in disbelief at the blooming blush high on his cheekbones, my gaze drops to his side and his free hand twitches before clenching into a fist. His wands nowhere in sight and he doesn't call me Mud blood, or filthy, or whatever vindictive words made me punch him a few years back.

My wand is still pointed at him, and I’m tense a I wait for his retaliation.

His tongue darts out to wet his lips under my cool stare and I shake my head slightly, giving him a look of disbelief. This seems to wake him from whatever stupor he's in and his body is tense again. “J-just don’t do that again, Granger.” He stutters before turning on his heel and stalking away.

Do what? Were we having a totally different conversation? I've never heard the Malfoy heir stammer, and I really have no idea what that weird encounter was about, but my mind is buzzing, and I find it hard to focus on my book as I head back to the dorm.

........

There’s too much going on and I can’t concentrate on anything. Harry’s been absent, disappearing and returning at odd times of the day and night, and Ron’s his usual self, mucking around in the common room instead of studying. Ginny’s around somewhere but probably engrossed in the romantic dramas of other friends, and how they'd ever find a way to kiss their boyfriends again, like that's the most important thing to worry about when Cedric lost his life only a few months ago.

I draw into myself, just reading and concentrating on my homework. Days, even weeks of term pass and none of my friends seem to have much time for me, so I’ve spent my time in the library watching Malfoy since that weird encounter. I tried to tell Harry about it, but he was distracted and I'm not sure he even heard me.

Malfoy doesn’t act like he hates me anymore, in fact, he avoids looking at me at all, which is just perfect apart from the fact it unnerves me. The other Slytherins jeer every time I pass, but he just stares or looks away, reluctant to meet my eye. Every time I leave the great hall, I feel his eyes on me and I know he’s watching. I trapped him once when I deliberately left a book on the table and had to return for it, he only manged to look away at the last moment as I glanced at him, and I’m terrified at what he might have planned for me. I'm used to being the focus of the Slytherins, but certainly not to this extent, and it's hard to go to Harry or Ron with no real proof he's doing anything other than being his normal vile self.

In potions this afternoon, Malfoy sent a note, ignoring the fact Umbridge had burned an earlier one. It flew through the air, perfectly crafted as a peacock, landing on my notes, before Ron unknowingly moved, trying to get Harry's attention and knocked it off the desk with his elbow like a great oaf. Before I could rescue it at the end of the lesson, Malfoy retrieved it and walked away, shooting me a sour look. Luna was staring at us both with a dreamy gaze when I looked up, I really have no idea what's going on in that girl’s head sometimes.

He's waiting for me outside the classroom and I duck my head, steeling myself for his vicious retort, wrapping my arms around my books as if they could protect me from his barbs. "I don't have time for your bile now, Malfoy, so cut the crap and just tell me what you want."

The Slytherin shifts from his place, leaning against the wall and peers at me, his head cocked as he stares. I'm not one to shy away from a fight, but things haven't been great for me, I'm worried about Harry and what's been going on with the foul, evil gargoyle. She's been torturing him and he's just not willing to report it. This, with Malfoy, is just further crap I don't want to deal with. Everything's been going to shit, and I don't have the energy for it. I dare to look up. Malfoy's a good foot taller than me but I find he's dipped his head, his face is inches away from mine, that weird, intense look is on his face again. It's like he's trying to figure me out. I've never noticed how clear his eyes are before, they're grey, but almost like a storms brewing. I love listless Autumn skies, and rainy afternoons, and it annoys me that his eyes somehow remind me of that, like he's ruined my favourite thing.

"Weasleby got in the way." He smirks, holding out the crumpled note for me to take from his hand.

I smell a hint of peppermint toothpaste on his breath as he speaks, the breeze from the window sends a waft of freshly cut grass over my nostrils, and run my hand through my hair, noticing as he watches my every move while trying to feign disinterest. I open my book and see a trail of fire ants crossing the page, and no words to be seen, he’s such a prick. "So, what is it? A note to tell me how foul I am? Because you know, I think I've already heard everything you have to say on the matter, Malfoy."

He shakes his hand again, urging me to take the note, and his eyes flick back to mine, his long, golden lashes fluttering as I eventually reach out to take his proffered message. His warm, larger hand barely brushes mine as he passes it to me. I'm not sure I ever associated Malfoy with warmth and his touch shocks me.

I'm staring at the squashed paper bird in my hand, and for once I'm not sure what to say. Bloody hell, nobody could ever accuse Hermione Granger of being quiet, gods, I know I've a mouth on me like a wailing banshee when I get started, especially when I'm riled. I've clearly taken entirely too long to think about it, as when I look up, he's gone, the smell of parchment and a spicy, but alluring scent left in his wake which I spend the next few hours desperately trying to forget.

........

This is too much. Why would Malfoy even ask this? Why would he want to meet me? Especially as he's been so close to Umbridge and tried so hard to grass the DA up.  Harry's even more morose than ever, lost in his own thoughts, and Ron, emotionally wise, is about as useful as a chocolate teapot. If I tell him, I just know he'll go on the rampage and probably injure himself with his bloody awful wand work, then get himself expelled. I can't say I'm feeling much better about the snakes, but everyone has their own issues with them, so I don't even bother Ginny, not that she seems to want much to do with me now we're in school.

I'm reading the note again. It's simple and written in beautiful cursive. I'm not sure what I expected of my arch nemesis, but his gorgeous penmanship wasn't it.

_'Miss Granger, I request your presence in the room of requirement at midnight. You have no reason to trust me, nor I you, I understand this, so I will leave my wand in my dorm and I would appreciate it if you did the same, we must meet alone and unarmed. D.'_

Look, I've always trusted my gut instinct, even before I knew I was a witch, but him asking this of me sets off major alarm bells. Why would he want to meet with me? I'm worried I'll be dragged off to the Dark Lord with a portkey like Cedric Diggory, either that or the annoying blonde has found some way to rid the school of anyone who isn't pure blood and I'm the first on a long list of victims.

I decide to leave my wand in my room, against my better judgement, and sneaking out after curfew, I find myself hovering in the corridor. It’s dark and I have no way of creating a lumos charm to light my way, so I've opted for the old fashioned, muggle way. I'm holding a wind-up torch in my hand. My parents packed it in first year, when they weren’t sure what I'd need, I've never needed it until now but I'm so glad of it. I think of them while I wait, they’d be annoyed with me for doing something so dangerous as this.

I walk past three times, knowing the entrance won't show itself until I do, and even then, I'm not sure the room will show itself when I don't have my wand. Nothing happens at first, but then a door appears, painted bright red. Merlin, Malfoy must be having a laugh if he thinks using Gryffindor colours will relax me, if anything it's put me more on the offensive. I feel too hot and pull at my at my tie so I can release the top buttons of my shirt, rubbing at my eyes and wishing I had my wand, I'm totally lost without it.

The doors are opening and I’m crossing the threshold, my resolve sturdy and my back tensed. I can’t help but pinch my fingers together where I'd usually hold my wand. I've trained myself to do a little wandless magic, but nothing that could save me from a desperate Slytherin who might plan to give me to Voldemort, unless he wanted his flowers brought back to life or his glass of water refilled. I inform myself that I need to work harder. The muscles in my stomach are taut, and I feel my breath coming rapidly, with the occasional hitch when I see only darkness at first.

Once I step inside the room, I'm surprised to find the light of candles. The low light creates an oval glow on the stone ceiling, but there's hardly enough of them to show me the whole room, which I initially think is small, but shadows curve and flicker into the candlelight and I realise it's much larger. This worries me, I could have put myself in the worse situation possible and it would be my own fault. I know I've come because I'm lonely and I think Malfoy somehow knows that. Perhaps he's singled me out? I bite my lip.

I jump as I hear a breathless murmur on my left as he speaks, his face is shadowed but I recognise his voice instantly as he lounges against the wall beside me, his hands in his pockets and his eyes on me.

"You came." His spicy scent carries over in the small space, and his breath is hot against my collarbone. That’s how close he is. Being in an enclosed space alone with a boy who wasn't Harry or Ron causes a shudder to race through my body. I notice his eyes on my lip and it springs forth as I release it.

"Err, well, yes, you invited me, didn't you? I thought it only polite to accept your invitation." It's my voice, but I’m not sure it sounds like me. Alone, In the presence of a fit male I realise I quite fancy; even if he is a total pig; my voice sounds ten times sexier than I ever imagined. If I was going to die now, then bugger it, I'll just let it happen as I don't have much choice.

"Ha! You have better manners than, oh, why bother even say their names..." He waves one hand silently, clearly attempting to be his usual self, but I notice his voice isn't as harsh, it's softer, his demeanour more relaxed, his eyes sparkling. I stare at him until he clears his throat uncomfortably, and I guess he's thinking about saying something about mud blood’s or muggles, but stops himself, either that or he doesn't like being under my scrutiny. Yes, I’m staring.

I run my hand through my hair and shiver as he watches me. "Why?" I ask, "Why am I here?" Seriously, I really don't know.

I freeze as he moves closer and I hear him breathing just beside my ear, his breath rising in tandem with mine as I dig my nails into my palms, almost drawing blood. This isn't something I should be doing, so many would be incensed with me if they found out I was here, with him. I can't stop myself, Harry is in love with Ginny. Ron, well, he plays at wanting me, but I don't want him, not really. Do I want someone else? Even if that were an option.

"You're here as my guest." He murmurs as he speaks against the back of my neck. His forefinger is winding around a stray curl at the nape of my neck, just like the last time we spoke, except this time his fingers brush against my skin. What is this?

I shiver and bite my lip painfully, momentarily allowing my eyes to flicker closed at the sensation. "You're delusional, Malfoy, I'm no more a guest here than you're a Hufflepuff, and you know it."

"Am I Granger?" His fingertips move to ghost over the fine hairs of my lower arm, and I shudder. I don't know what to think, but my hearts pounding, and I've been so long without human touch of any kind, I want more. Fuck my friends, if they could only see how lonely I've become.

He moves closer, his lips inches away from mine, "Perhaps you're the one who's under an illusion?" He mutters.

"Perhaps I am? Perhaps this is just a dream, Draco, and I'll wake and realise you're using me to get to Harry just like I thought." I tell him.

When I speak his name, he bites his lower lip and takes hold of my upper arms, pushing me back gently until my back meets the cold, hard stone, his polished granite eyes glinting in the candlelight.

"Perhaps it's not?" He tells me, "Perhaps, I've just realised I want you, Granger?"

I'm silent, swimming in the icy grey of his eyes as I try to make a decision. Even if I wanted him, how in the world can I trust Draco Malfoy?

….

Now I've got her here, how can I convince her I've had a crush on her for years? She isn't some slag from my house, who's desperately looking for a pureblood husband, and when I took a step back and watched my supposed mates, I realised how badly she was treated by my friends and I wanted to tell her I felt the same, that I had the same jibes from the other three houses, and only my practiced sneer of indifference that made everyone think it didn't get to me. I never allowed my face to show the hurt like she did, even if she almost ripped me, and anyone else, a new one who dared to cross her. There was still that first moment of hurt as it flashed over her gorgeous face, that moment when she was vulnerable, before she lashed out with her words and never her wand unless the situation truly warranted it.

How can I tell her? How can I say that from the minute I saw her on the train first year I loved her fire, her drive, how I fought to beat her in every lesson we had together and failed because she was so amazing? How I watched her fall in with Weasley and Potter and was jealous of every moment they spent together? The adventures they had, Godrick, even the little Weaslette had a better time helping defeat the Dark Lord in the Chamber than I ever could hope for. My life has always been filled by the Dark Lord in some way, either by my father wishing his return or by him secretly telling my mother he wished he would never return and crying in his sleep. I listened as I walked the halls of the manor when I had nightmares and stood outside their room. From an early age I was privy to the conversations of Death Eaters and family members such as my aunt Bellatrix as they made plans for his return and made out she was close to the Dark Lord, when everyone knew she was a lunatic. Those idiots all pale in comparison to her, Hermione Granger. She's like sunshine raining down over the Astronomy Tower, a stark reminder of the life I've never had, and the life I want. How can I explain what she means to me?

She came when I asked, and I don't know what to do next. I'm like a moth to a flame and the way she shivers so delightfully just inches away is driving me crazy. My heart is ruling my head, and my body makes the decision for me. I push her back against the wall, her gasp leaves me in no doubt she wants more. So, I tell her I want her, sod it all to hell, my life’s fucked anyway.

........

"I don't trust you." I tell him, how could I ever say I trust Draco Malfoy? It's preposterous.

His eyes are on my lips as he murmurs, "I know. You have no real reason to."

I sense his lips inches from mine and I can feel his hot breath tangling with my own as I try to reason why he'd want me at all. "Do you trust me?" I ask.

Malfoy’s hands are still on my upper arms, gripping me like he thinks I'll escape and run for the hills. It isn't as if the thought hasn't occurred to me, but I can't help myself, I need to know the truth, and my hands clench, I want to touch him. I feel him close the gap between us, his body flush against mine. I gasp as I feel his erection against my hip. My body has gone into overdrive, even McClaggen didn't come this close. Actually, he didn't get this close because I didn't allow him this close. Malfoy is another matter, his scent overwhelms me and the closer he moves, the more I turn into a pile of goo. I can feel my knees trembling and my chest firing rapidly like I might hyperventilate.

"Her-Granger," he murmurs and I'm seriously on another planet by now. I don't care about Hogwarts, Harry, Ron or anyone else, I’m just desperate to know what Malfoy has to say. 

"Say something." I tell him. I can't wait. If he doesn't reply, if he doesn't give me answers, I'll leave right now. I will, I promise myself I will.

"I, merlin, Granger, I..."

"This is ridiculous! I don't know why I'm here, you said you wanted me for something, but this is just rubbish, I'm going back to my dorm!" I try to wriggle free and he tenses, holding me tighter.

"Please don't leave, Hermione, I trust you, I want you to stay, please, I need you to stay." The tone of his voice changes and he sounds almost like he's begging, but how can he be? A Malfoy would never beg a muggle born for anything! I'm hardly thinking straight and don't notice he's called me by my given name.

"Why? Why do you want me to stay? You want me here you said, at least tell me why, Malfoy, please." I'm not so stupid as to think Malfoy is beyond using me, I've already thought it and voiced it, but his eyes are locked with mine, darting from side to side and I know he's trying to read my reactions. "Draco?" I venture, his name feels strange on my lips.

He looks terrified and grasps the hair at the nape of my neck, before smashing his lips against mine. I'm instantly lost in him, and my brain goes haywire, the very feeling of him drives me into a lustful haze and I want more. Oh. His fingers brush the skin below my ear and I want more. Please, please, someone help me, I want Draco Malfoy.

.....

She said my name! And I can't control myself any longer. I've loved her from the minute I saw her, and I've tried to stay away, but since Dumbledore left and the bitch with the weird tea cups and plated kittens on her office wall took over I've feared for her safety. Even Potter can't save her this time and she's walked the halls of the school like a lost lamb for months. I've heard what Umbridge has in store for Potter and his friends, she wants to torture them further, she needs only one excuse to drag Hermione into her office and I know her, know it all, mouth will eventually get her into trouble. I offered to help Umbridge as my father would expect it, but I hate the old bag with a passion and would love to throw her, those tea cups and frilly dresses into the Black Lake and watch the Grindylows rip her to pieces just for thinking of hurting the girl I adore with every fibre of my being.

My hands are the first to touch her, grasping a handful of her hair, as I pull her closer, her locks are as soft as I thought they would be, and I run my fingers through the wild lengths. She lets out the sweetest moan as I kiss her lips, almost drowning in her, and the sound spurs me on with wild abandon.  Her head drops back into my hand and I'm peppering kisses along her jawline, lathing her ear with my tongue and listening to her moan in pleasure. I never thought it would come to this, that she'd be in my arms gasping and rolling her hips against me, I can't believe I could ever deserve this, that she’d ever let me touch her.

I don't deserve this. I stop, biting back a whimper. She deserves more than a me, fuck, even Weasley would be a better match than some idiot who can't come out in front of the whole school and tell her he loves her. Some idiot whose loved her from afar but can't admit it in public because of his fear of the beating he'd get from his father for loving a muggle born.

She tenses when she feels me do the same, her glazed and dilated eyes moving to meet mine as I release her.

"This should never have happened." I rasp, placing my hands firmly on the tops of her arms, holding her at arms-length. If I don't I'll never let her go.

Fuck, the hurt in her eyes has almost undone me, and I move to apologise. I have to say something, to explain, but my mouth feels like it's frozen and I run my hand through my hair.

She shouts like a woman possessed, the fire I love now turned against me, "I knew you'd do this! How could you do this to me?"

I close my eyes, knowing what was coming, and yes, the punch felt exactly like it did two years ago, except this time I could hear her sobs as she ran away, and my legs buckle as I drop to the floor wanting to join her and bawl my bloody eyes out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating, I hope you enjoy this new chapter. Thanks for all your kudos!  
> badwolfjedi has kindly beta'd this chapter for me. Thanks so much sweetie xxx

"Hermione?" I keep my eyes closed as Harry tries to wake me, just wanting to sleep away the hurt and stay in bed, so I don’t have to deal with being the talk of the school.

"She's out of it, mate, she was probably reading all night, you know what she's like at the weekend, loves swotting up on stuff so she can get ahead." Ron was pacing the room thumping around in his Quidditch gear, I could hear his heavy breathing.

"I can hear you, Ronald." I say. I'm irritated as I just want to sleep forever, not face these two, or anyone else.

"Hermione, it's gone ten and you didn't come down for breakfast, Ginny said she hadn't seen you leave the dorm." Harry was looking concerned when I eventually opened my bleary eyes. Whatever went on with my friends' we were always at breakfast together.

"I'm not feeling well." I find myself telling him. I want to ask what he knows, I want to know if Malfoy went to the Great Hall and told everyone I was a slag. I'm so embarrassed I don't know how I can face my housemates ever again and I know they'll all pity me, but behind my back they'll say, poor Hermione Granger, she's the one who snogged Malfoy for a joke. Because that's what it must've been, a joke, and she was the bloody punchline.

"Do you need to go to Madame Pomfrey?" Harry feels my brow, and I turn, pulling the covers over me.

"No, it's just, err, woman's things, I'll be fine if you let me sleep." I tell him.

"Oh, err, yeah, I-I see." Harry backs off. Men are so bloody predicable when it comes to anything to do with the female anatomy. "Well, err, everyone's going to Hogsmeade this afternoon, do you, err, need chocolate?" Harry's face is beet red and it would be funny if I didn't feel like my world had ended.

"Chocolate is the answer." Ron nods, sagely. I almost want to laugh, but then he has slightly more experience of living with women than Harry, even if it's only from Ginny and Molly, and of course he's right for once.

The mention of chocolate, the answer to all problems, piques my interest and I poke my head up over the covers. "Yes, tons of it." I plaster on a fake smile and they seem happier as they leave. I wanted to ask if they could buy me some self-respect in Hogsmeade, because that's what I needed most. The faux smile slips off my lips and I'm miserable once more.

I feel like my life is about to end. I don't need any more reason for the students of Slytherin to hate me, but once they find out about me moaning in Malfoy's arms, they'll be sneering at me with all the hatred and venom they can muster, along with their leader, Draco Malfoy himself.

When I think of his eyes while I was with him, and the passionate way he grasped me and kissed me, I feel a throb between my thighs, and curse my body for betraying me. This is not the way someone should feel after being treated so horribly by another person. Why the hell did I ever meet him? What the fuck was I thinking?

........

There's one thing about being a Malfoy, if you say no, people know you mean no.

Goyle is a dunderhead but he is a loyal one. He'd been woken as I crashed into the dorm at one thirty AM and demanded that he find my stash of contraband Fire Whiskey. Once I had it, he'd laid back in his bed and waited for me to speak. I hadn't of course, I'd just replayed my encounter with Hermione over and over in my head and he'd eventually drifted off to sleep. He got me a cauldron at four AM when I woke him up by pulling off the curtains from his bed, retching and staggering around the dorm.

"I'm an idiot, a total fucking Pratt!" I told him before spilling my guts in the bowl. He didn't disagree, but kept his gob shut and nervously ushered me to bed. I know I've ruled by fear since I've been here and that's another reason I don't deserve her.

When Goyle woke me at eight to tell me it was time for breakfast and I told him to fuck off. I hadn't slept a wink, and he knew it. When I woke again at eleven, I found a note saying everyone had gone to Hogsmeade and my stomach grumbled, reminding me I'd thrown the contents up in the night. It rolls again when I realise what I did to her. She'd trusted me enough to meet me, against her better judgement, and I repaid her by throwing her out of the room on her ear. The sound of her sobs ring through my ears, and I would cover them with my hands if I thought it would give me any kind of reprieve. Unfortunately for me, I had one chance to make Granger see me, and I used that opportunity to fuck up her head, along with my own. If only I could get hold of a time turner and go back and do it all again. Given that chance I'd just stay away from her. I'm lying to myself. Given the opportunity again, I'd hold her close and never let go.

Fresh air will probably clear my head, so I dress and head towards the kitchens to grab an apple or some pumpkin pasties hot out of the oven. Passing the mirror in my room, I spot the well-deserved bruising around my eyes from her well-aimed punch last night, and I wear it like a token of my own stupidity.

...

By lunchtime I feel empty, not only empty physically, but emotionally too, but I must put on my big girl knickers and get on with it. I have a paper due in for Potions and Snape isn't very forgiving, in fact, he's been like a bear with a sore head ever since Umbridge questioned him on why he didn't get the defence against the dark arts post. Even I know Snape could do that job standing on his head. The professor doesn't like me and consistently calls me an insufferable know it all, but I don't mind it, it’s better than being called mud blood.

After showering I feel a little clearer headed and dress in blue jeans and a soft pink jumper, I pull on my winter boots with the intention of grabbing some pumpkin juice and a sandwich, then perhaps taking a walk down by the lake.  The professors have gone to Hogsmeade too and the only person who might be around is Hagrid.  I could speak to him, I suppose, he's always been nothing but kind to me, but when I think of discussing the finer details of what happened with Malfoy I decide against it. I don't think Hagrid is likely to be up to discussing either the inner workings of a young woman's mind, nor the particulars of a snogging session, or how I might feel about the way I was touched by someone he thought I hated - and probably have a million reasons to still do. I can almost see him now, stuttering while trying to find the right words to soothe a teenage girl’s pitiful tears.

My stomach jolted as my mind generated a visual of Malfoy's eyes, staring at my lips intensely, his pupils blown wide and clouding the silvery oyster of his irises. He told me he wanted me and then held me away as if I was a piece of rubbish he didn't like the smell of. That's what really hurt, his look of disgust. Never in my whole life have I ever let anyone close enough to hurt me that much, and I have no desire to, ever again. No one can ever say Hermione Granger isn't a quick study.

...

I reach the kitchens, and to my horror, she's shaking a house elf by the hand and taking a parcel with the other. Why in merlin is she not in Hogsmeade with everyone else? It's not like she has a reason like I do, in other words having been so totally shit faced last night that she feels like the lining of her stomach may make an appearance any second. It's a shame I didn't think of stealing into Snape’s potion store and making myself up a rehydration draft, because seeing her here, like this, with her amazing, wild hair pulled back from her pale face is making me nauseous.

I turn to walk away when she looks right at me and I feel like I'm frozen to the spot. How the bloody hell can I ever explain to her how sorry I am about how things played out last night?

Tears well in her eyes, and before I know it, she's run out of the kitchen exit to the grounds.

"Fuck it!" I whisper to myself. Now I'm going to have to go after her, because if I don't it'll just prove what a wanker I actually am.

...

"Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!" I say out loud as I race as far from the castle as my legs will carry me. What's he doing here? Why, out of anyone left at the castle, did it have to be him?

When I become so breathless that I have to stop, I end up near Hagrid's, and turn, quickly taking the path to the forbidden forest. Instantly I realise there's a reason for students being banned from the forest, and the oppressive sense of foreboding warns me of them.

"Granger!" I hear Malfoy's voice call in the distance and I move further into the forest, hoping he won't follow.

"Granger, wait!" He shouts again.

I hide behind a large tree, and that feeling of foreboding returns, like there's something behind me. I hear heavy breathing in my ear and let out a scream that could wake the dead. In fear, I stumble on a rock as I try to go for my wand, and land on my hands, skinning them and yelp as my ankle twists in the process.

...

She's screaming from the edge of the forest and my heart’s in my mouth as I start to run, tripping over a rock and clambering to my feet, once more heading in the direction of her shriek of fright. What the fuck could've happened to her? Any sense of reason flees my mind and all I can think about is getting to her.

I run this way and that, calling out to her, but I hear nothing, eventually coming across her attempting to limp out from the edge of the forest.

"What the bloody hell happened, I thought you were being murdered." I grab her arm, but she shrugs me off instantly.

"Don't pretend you care, Malfoy, if you're here at all, it's to gloat. Just leave me alone!" She hisses as a grazed hand comes into contact with the bark of a tree.

"Look, Granger, you can't believe that? Fuck, I'm too sodding lazy to come after you and gloat, if I was going to do that, I'd wait until classes, and do it at my leisure." She gives me a sour look and I back pedal. "What I meant to say, was I didn't come here for that, I came here to talk."

She tries putting weight on her ankle again with a sharp intake of breath but gives no reply.

"What was it? The thing that made you scream?"  I hover near her, wanting to support her, but I think I'm likely to be stunned as soon as I touch her, judging by the looks she's giving me, like there a red beacon on her head flashing a very visual danger warning. Plus, she still has her wand in hand, although I forget Miss goody two shoes probably wouldn't hex another student as it’s against the rules.

"What? So, you can laugh at me for running in fear from a Bicorn?"

I must admit, I do feel the urge to burst out laughing, but I bite back my smile. Once I know I'll retain composure, I speak again. "But they're docile creatures, what the hell made you scream?"

Her cheeks have coloured, and she looks terribly embarrassed.  I almost feel sorry for her, but then I'm reminded of her mean right hook and step back slightly.

"Not that it's any of your concern, but it was breathing heavily in my ear. Merlin, wouldn't you be afraid if you looked around and saw a giant cow’s face in yours? I was startled, that's all."

I can't help but smirk, it doesn't really explain the several shrieks afterwards, but I let it go. I'm in enough trouble with Granger already, it's probably best not to rile her further. "Are you going to let me take a look at your ankle? I know you've hurt it."

"Oh, what gave it away?" She rolls her eyes and says sarcastically, attempting to hobble some more and move away from me.

"Would it kill you to let me help you, you bloody stubborn woman?"

"I don't need your help, and I'd be grateful if you just buggered off." She's wincing again as she finds a log and sits down with a thump. I sigh, knowing this is going to be hard work, but I care about her and it's time to show her how much.

"Don't be a fool, Granger, take my arm, I'll help you back to the castle."

"No! I'm fine, just leave me alone, haven't you done enough?"

Silence hangs in the air and the hurt look on her face makes me cringe. That's it, though, I'm not letting this ridiculousness continue. Before she realises what I'm doing, I've picked her up, bridal style, and begun the ascent back to the castle.

.....

I squeak as he lifts me into his arms and carries me like I weigh nothing at all, but I'm so angry I pummel his chest to let me down.

"Let me down, you great oaf! I can walk perfectly well by myself!" I yell, but he only smirks as he takes long strides up the hill.

"Granger, in the name of Salazar, will you stop bloody hitting me!" He roars, using the hand nearest my arm to try to stop me pummelling him. He doesn't have much luck as his movement is restricted and I elbow him in the ribs.

I continue to shout at him to put me down in my sternest voice, but it doesn't work, he just pulls me closer, and I must admit, feeling his broad chest against my side is quite nice. I settle in for the journey, at a loss for words. If he really hates me so much, why would he even do something like this. He could've levitated me back to the school and to Madam Pomfrey, but instead he holds me tightly and I can't be sure, but I think he has his face almost buried in my hair.

.....

She feels so good against me and her hair smells so intoxicating, that I can feel myself hardening in my trousers. With a quick change of position, I could have her legs wrapped around my waist, the heart of her core rubbing against me as I carry her, but I don't think I'll risk her wrath, especially as I'm definitely not her most favourite person at the moment, not by a long shot.

Her hair smells of vanilla and strawberry shampoo, a stark contrast to the stuff I use, mine is scented with sandalwood and some other spice. I wonder where she gets hers from? I could grab a bottle and smell it whenever I like, God that would be great fodder for the wank bank. Speaking of which, memories of her have been the only thing I've used when I knock one out for at least the past few years. Other girls from my house have tried it on, and I must admit I've shagged a couple of them, but they were mostly put out when I closed my eyes, barely paying them much attention. Of course, I was thinking of Hermione, and one particular memory of her bending over in the library was the one I revisited repeatedly. I'd been sitting with my legs propped up on a table while Madam Pince wasn't looking. It was a day when Hermione had a skirt on, and she'd got up to grab some books. She hadn't realised the hem of her pleated shirt was caught, possibly in her knickers, I gulp and close my eyes as I think of Hermione’s knickers, then I trip a little, stumbling with the girl of my dreams in my arms.

"Malfoy, for Godricks sake, put me down if you can't manage." Hermione yelps.

I ignore her of course, as I'm reliving the third best day of my life; the second being me carrying her right now, the first, the feeling of her in my arms as I kissed her senseless last night, and fuck, those moans of hers. Anyway, I'm digressing. So, she gets up from the chair and her skirt is caught up, the weathers warm so she isn't wearing tights. I get the most amazing view of her legs, right up to the very edge of her bum, and what a tight arse it was, I was gobsmacked as she didn't seem like a girl who would work out. Clearly, I'd missed a trick, as I'd never seen her in the school gym. I wonder what she'd look like in those tight yoga pants? With that peach of an arse, probably like perfection. Anyway, the flash of white lace at the very top of her leg kept me wanking furiously for all that time. I can't say why it took me so long to approach her and ask her to meet me, but it was excruciating to see her beaming smiles as someone in her house told a joke, or the way she delicately sipped her soup at dinner. I used to watch her out of the corner of my eye in Potions and see her getting frustrated when the spell wasn't going her way, her hair like she'd been dragged through a hedge backwards, her tie askew, and sometimes a the tantalising hope she'd turn the right way and I'd see through her shirt when the sun rained down through the upper windows on a sunny day.

Think, Draco, what the hell can you say to make this better? I ask myself, because If I don't think of something, she'll be gone from my arms and I'll never get this chance again.

……

Malfoy's been too quiet and I'm not sure what to do. My anger has dissipated as he carries me. All I want is to ask him why he did that to me, and even why he's doing this now. He's so bloody confusing and unpredictable and it's making my head spin.

I make my mind up to just ask him. Whatever he says can't make me feel any worse about it all, and I might be able to hold my head up if we air our differences and get back to normal.

As we enter the entrance hall, I gather up all my courage.

"You can put me down now, Malfoy, I think I can walk from here."

He ignores me and carries me to the bottom of the stairs. I'm almost hoping Filch will be around to give us a telling off, but alas, there's no sign of him or Mrs. Norris.

I struggle, and he eventually relents, letting me down quite gently, he stares at me as I try my foot and hobble a few steps.

Why the hell is this so awkward?

I moved towards to the wall near the broom cupboard and lean against it for a moment, trying to gather the energy to climb the stairs. He hasn't left my side, in fact he's hovering once more and it's almost as if he's communicating his annoyance through silence. This is most disconcerting as he's never this quiet in my experience.

"Well, err, this has certainly been an experience.” I find myself saying. What the hell, Hermione, can’t you just tell him to sod off? Why’s he still here anyway?

He moves closer, reaching a hand out to tuck a tendril of hair behind my ear. “You’re beautiful, you know?” He murmurs so low I almost don’t hear him. So, used to being on the receiving end of his vile and offensive jibes, I’m not even sure if I know how to deal with a quiet Malfoy.  Also, I’m struggling with his statement, if he thinks that way about me, then why all the drama of last night? He runs so hot and cold that I can’t bring myself to take the compliment. Anyway, who would think dowdy and bookish Hermione Granger was beautiful, only someone blind could ever think that of me, with my wild hair and penchant for telling the truth.

He’s too close now, and I can smell his scent again, pure boy, mixed in with that spicy scent of his. He’s panting, and I’m pretty sure it isn’t from the exertion of carrying me.

I stand motionless, my heart hammering as his lips are inches away from my ear, and I gasp as I feel the caress of his breath on my neck. Why am I waiting to be humiliated again? I break the spell and try to move away, only to find he’s boxed me in with an arm either side of my head and his palms flat against the wall, his chest heaving. His lips are so close they’re almost touching mine, and I try to duck under his arm, only to find he’s dropped his arm and grabbed my hand, pulling me flush with him.

“Malfoy don’t do this, please, I can’t take another rejection.” I gasp.

He raises an eyebrow and I think he’s going to give me his trademark sneer. Instead he reaches down and hooks my legs behind my knees, careful of my ankle and lifting me and urging me to wrap my legs around his waist. I feel a rush of wetness at my core as I feel him between my thighs. Oh merlin, how have I managed to allow myself into this position again?

……

She was going to run, so I did the only thing I could to stop her, and now she has her legs wrapped around my waist, and she’s almost hyperventilating.

My lips find hers, and I’m lost, blood rushing to my groin as I buck against her, pissed off by the denim keeping us separate, all I want is to feel her soft skin against mine.

She mewls like a kitten as I suckle on the tender flesh of her neck, and my very last thought is to find somewhere more private.

I toe open the door to the broom cupboard and walked her inside, booting it shut with a bang. I’m past wondering whether Filch might catch us, my brain is repeating want-girl-now, over and over, and once I have her back against the wall, I grind my hips against her. Fuck, this is bliss, and this time I’m never going to let her go, I’m never going to be that stupid again.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, but its unlikely I'll be able to update regularly, but I appreciate all the reviews and kudos you've sent so far - this story is still being updated whenever I can.

.............................................

I can’t help but let out a squeak as he pins one arm above my head, while his other drifts under my top and caresses my back, no doubt searching for the fastening of my bra. I feel like I might hyperventilate, not just from his ardent kisses but from the way his body is flush with mine, his hips holding me against the wall.

“Draco!” I demand, common sense somehow winning out, “I-I, don’t know what this is, y-you can’t just say those things to me and then-then expect me to fall into your arms.”

He pauses, moving his upper body away from mine, his eyes glazed. He doesn’t let my legs drop, but he looks contrite. The light is dim in the cupboard, but I can still see his expression. I’d expected his trademark sneer, but instead he’s silent for what seems like eons and then he lowers me gently to the floor.

“Yes, of course, you’re right, I-we shouldn’t be doing this, I’m sorry to have troubled you Granger.”

I see a flash of hurt in his eyes and I barely get a chance to say anything as he’s striding away, banging open the door to the cupboard as I hobble after him, knocking over some brooms which cause the others to fall in a domino effect.

“Wait!” He’s almost at the top of the steps and shows no sign of stopping, his long legs taking them two at a time. I do the only thing I can do, I turn into my usual bossy self and command him to stop. “Draco Malfoy, you stop right this instant!” I place my hands on my hips and stand as best I can on my sore ankle. He pauses as he reaches the top, turning with a smirk and it makes my legs go to jelly as its accompanied by smiling eyes, I can see he’s battling a grin, even from this distance. “Will you come back here and let me finish!” I stamp the foot with the sprained ankle and wince, ruining the effect altogether, staggering to the stone bannister to support myself.

Slowly he begins to descend the staircase as I nurse my poorly ankle, having to sit down on the steps to do so. He’s behind me when he speaks. “God, I love it when you act all domineering, Granger, I think there might be something wrong with me.” His words cause my stomach to erupt with a small contingent of butterflies, and I can’t help but smile. At least someone in the world finds my bossiness sexy, though Merlin knows why.

I’m still rubbing my ankle when he moves to sit beside me, and he urges me to turn before he cautiously takes my leg and rests it on his knee, gently massaging my swollen ankle with his thumbs, no doubt concerned I might kick him with the good leg or punch him again. He looks me in the eye. “Oh, please, do continue to have a go at me.” He says with a sarcastic lilt to his voice, his eyes filled with mischief.

“Oh, mmm, that feels good.” I close my eyes, and when I open them, he’s giving me a look like he’s about to devour me. I’d better explain myself before this gets out of hand again. “Look, all I was asking was what this is? You invite me to the room of requirement, then you snog me and lead me on, oh, and that’s before you tell me we shouldn’t be doing what we’re doing, when I wasn’t the one to even suggest such a meeting in the first place. You’ve been acting strangely around me for weeks and then, the next thing you’re being nice to me and trying to get into my bra in the broom closet. You’re running so hot and cold you’re making my brain hurt.” I finish and take a deep breath after my long speech.

He’s staring at my ankle and his hands are rubbing my skin. “Granger, this is hard for me, I—Salazar, I don’t know how to explain myself, you’re a—”

“Yes, I’m a muggle born, mud blood, possessor of dirty blood!” I sneer, thinking I know what he was about to say.

He catches my shoulder and squeezes, not so hard as to hurt, but to make me listen.

“Don’t say that about yourself!” He hisses.

I’m taken aback, and snipe at him. “It’s only what you, yourself have been telling me for the past five years, that I’m disgusting, an abomination!” I try to pull my ankle free.

“You have to know those words weren’t mine—”

“They came from your mouth, Malfoy, who else’s words could they be?” I’m up on my feet again, pulling away from him, and this time he lets me go. I’m almost hopping up the steps as fast as my injury permits.

“My Father!” He yells, and I stop with my back to him. “They’re my father’s words, alright!”

I turn, and he seems to have deflated, his back is so tense I’m not sure if he’s crying.

“Malfoy, I—”

“Don’t, Granger, just don’t, you could never understand anyway.”

“Try me.” I say softly, watching him from six steps above.

He looks up with reddened eyes, and then looks to the floor again, as if he can’t bear to look at me, shaking his head. “You could never understand, and why should you? I couldn’t expect you to understand the home I was brought up in, where maintaining pureblood was the only way, where nobody in the Malfoy line had ever dared to veer off the straight and narrow to marry a half blood, let alone a muggle born.” His fists clench and I realise he’s trying to hold in an angry sob. “From the day I was old enough to understand it was drummed into me, I would marry into a pure line, if I didn’t choose a pureblood witch myself, the choice would be taken out of my hands, and this was the Malfoy way.” He was shaking slightly and took a deep breath to retain composure. “My father beat me if I asked why, and eventually I understood when he who shall not be named was brought up in whispered conversations, or at meetings where people came to the house bearing tattoos I now know to be the dark mark. Granger, once my father had me chained up for a week at the Manor when I mentioned you were better than me in Potions class, my potions books my only company along with stale bread and dirty water. My mother tried to protect me, but she was in a similar situation, her life at risk if she disobeyed my father or the death eaters.”

She felt tears filling her eyes, but allowed him to continue, she needed to hear this and he needed to be allowed to say it.

“That first time I saw you on the train to Hogwarts, I wanted to talk to you. You just seemed so confident and assured of yourself, not like me, it was all an act and when  I asked Potter to be friends with me instead of you and Weasley, I was an entitled idiot, thinking what my father told me was true, that I was better than anyone else because of my pure blood and my father’s wealth and titles. If the truth be known, I acted like a spoiled brat.”

“I’ve got to agree with you there.” I say with a smile, and he looks up to me again, a tiny grin curling the corners of his mouth.

“All these years I’ve watched you three, having adventures, getting yourselves into trouble, and even that time in first year when we went to the forbidden forest I came along and couldn’t take it. Godrick, I was a coward, but then you’d think a bloody great dog like Fang would’ve at least afforded some protection.” He snickered.

“Yeah, you and the dog ran when you saw the creature drinking unicorns’ blood as I remember, leaving Harry behind on his own.” I’m giggling at his embarrassed smile, I can’t help myself.

“I’ve watched you ever since then, your smiles like a shining beacon when you’re around your friends, and you chew the end of your quill when you’re thinking. You struggle to carry massive tomes and never seem happier than when you’re immersed in them in the library. You can be self-righteous, and you have a mean right hook.” He chuckles, and I find myself drawing closer to him, stepping down one at a time with a grimace.

“Granger, err, I’ve really liked you for so long I can’t even tell when it truly began.” He’s taken hold of my hand and he’s running his thumb in circles in my palm. “The truth be told, I-I…”

There’s a creaking sound and the doors to the main entrance begin to wind open and the noise of babbling voices as students begin to filter in from the courtyard, returning from their trip to Hogsmeade.

“Hermione! There you are!” Harry and Ron cross the threshold and look up the stairs, both jogging towards them with their packages in hand.

“What the bloody hell do you want, Malfoy?” Ron stares at him menacingly, his eyes slitted.

Before a fight can erupt, I smooth things over. “Err, I hurt my ankle when I went for a walk, Malfoy helped me back to the castle.” My eyes meet his and I beg him to agree. It is, after all, what happened in a roundabout way.

“Well, your friends are here now, Granger, they can take you to Madam Pomphrey.” Draco says haughtily but giving me a wink when the others weren’t looking when he brushed past Ron, knocking his shoulder as he did.

“Oi!” Ron yelps, rubbing his arm.

I watch Pansy Parkinson break away from the group of Slytherins she was with and heading to follow Draco. “What was that all about? Why were you even talking to the scum?” That’s the best I can expect from her I suppose, I want to call her stupid and prejudiced but then I remember what Malfoy hadn’t finished telling me, perhaps they were all brainwashed into thinking pureblood was the only way. Still, she rubs me up the wrong way and it’s hard to forgive her spiteful comments.

“It was nothing.” I hear him say, brushing her arm off his shoulder as he walks away.

“How did you do it?” Harry asks, looking at my ankle.

I’m only half listening, and I think Harry’s referring to doing ‘it’ with Malfoy. “What? I-I didn’t do anything with him.” I stutter, and I know my cheeks are red.

Harry looks at me strangely and Ron isn’t paying attention at all, he wanders away when he spots Lavender Brown.

“I meant the ankle, but if you’ve got something else you want to tell me?” Harry looks owlish as he peers at me.

“N-no! No, I’m fine, could you just get me to Madam Pomphrey?”

Harry places a hand on my upper arm. “We all know Malfoy can be a right git, and you were alone with him when we arrived. Did he say something to you?”

“No, he was actually alright, err, he was going to get someone to help.” I give a half-hearted laugh, “You know, because touching a muggle born might affect his delicate sensibilities.”

I know it’s wrong to lie to my best friend, but rather that than deal with the fallout from the truth.

“Alright. We got you some chocolate.” Harry offers me the packet, but I’m miles away, thinking about what Malfoy told me. He likes me, he’s always liked me. My heart races with pleasure.

…………

I wanted to take her to the Hospital wing. I mean, we were almost about to go there when Potter and the weasel came back. Now I’ve left an unfinished conversation and I don’t know when I’ll be able to speak to her alone again.

Pansy’s skipping around me, telling me about her trip and she’s irritating me. “I don’t care! Will you sod off you, stupid cow!” I shout at her, before storming off to the dungeons ahead of her. Christ, when will I ever get any peace from women who think just because they’re pureblood they have some hold over me.

I head straight into the showers, turning the water to cold until it’s almost frigid. I can’t get Hermione off my mind, and this hard-on is driving me crazy. I close my eyes as the water almost drowns me in its intensity and take hold of my prick. Its possibly the hardest it’s ever been, and I need some release before I lose my marbles. God it feels so good to think of her hot little hands on my prick, the feel of her skin against my fingers, my lips on her neck, my face buried in her hair. I imagine myself grinding against her in the broom closet, her gasps and moans as she writhes against me are enough to send me over the edge in seconds. I’m panting and as hard as ever. Hermione Granger is going to be the death of me. Can you get dick burn?

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi to anyone reading, I'm trying to write new chapter in between my studies but they aren't as regular as I'd like. I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

It's been a week since she spoke to me, or even dared glance up at me in the great hall and I feel like I'm dying without her touch. Every last imprint she made on my body burns while she just seems to be happy with her friends or watching Weasley eat at the trough like a pig. His manners leave much to be desired and he and Brown moon over each other in the most annoying way, like two farmyard animals about to rut. 

It's only in potions class that she finally gives me a long wished for opportunity I notice, as I pretend to be involved with a conversation with Pansy and Blaise while we wait for the professor to arrive. Pansy chats about some new robe designer and Blaise is going on about how wicked his stuff is, and I glaze over when I see how pale Hermione is, things aren't good with her and I watch her peer under her lashes at Potter while he talks to Longbottom, then to Weasley while he snogs Brown. She's sitting alone, and I can't remember who she usually sits with as I'm always staring at her and not whichever lion has decided to seat themselves at her side.

It’s been a long week, and every time I’ve tried to speak to her she’s been with her friends, even in the library. I’d curse the damn Gryffindor’s if it meant I could speak to her for a moment. Strange how right now she’s alone and they don’t seem to give a maggoty haggis about that. I wish I had more bollocks and could move seats, so she wasn’t on her own.

Umbridge has the Inquisitorial Squad busy interviewing second years at the moment and I’m bored to tears. I’m only part of it because my father would expect it of me and I want peace when I go home during the school holidays. I don’t want to be part of squad who make little kids cry, yeah, I can be a bastard at times to Potter and my peers, but it’s not really my style to listen to kids cry for their mothers. I sort of just show up and watch for show and you know, sneer a bit and strangely my presence alone makes the poor kids piss themselves, Crabbe and Goyle haven’t the sense to realise that it could just as easily be us in this position, should Dumbledore employ the same tactics, but then even I know he would never allow it, he’s a good man, regardless of what my father says about him. I never wanted to be like Lucius, as I know what it’s like to grow up firmly under that wizards’ thumb, struggling to escape like a trapped bug. I also get the feeling that Granger will never speak to me again if she finds out what we’ve been doing, and I hate myself even more because of that. Luckily for her, Umbridge is still biding her time and waiting for Potter, Weasley and Granger to slip up before she crashes down on them like a ton of bricks and I’m looking out for an opportunity to warn Granger before she gets caught.

I glance at Granger as she opens her book and looks intent on reading, perhaps to stave off the loneliness. Then Looney Lovegood turns in her seat, mid conversation, and gives me the strangest look, like she can read my mind, surely that crazy moo can't be a Legilimens? I close off my mind anyway. One doesn't grow up in the house of Malfoy and not know how to keep a secret. The only problem is, I think it's probably too late as she smiles dreamily and glances at Granger, err, Hermione, oh, merlin, what should I call her now?

Snape arrives, his cloak billowing behind him as he asks a question. I don't hear it as I'm only concentrating on her, she glances over at me and when her hand doesn't shoot up straight away, the professor looks right at her.

"Miss Granger, are you feeling well?" He asks her in his usual condescending way.

She looks up as he mentions her name. "I'm sorry, sir, could you repeat the question."

"I asked if you quite alright. You see, I don't think I've ever taught a class with you in it, where your hand hasn't been annoyingly waving in the air before I've finished my question." Snape ground out in his usual scornful way.

"I apologise, sir, I'm not feeling well, could I please be excused from the lesson?" She almost begs, barely listening to his reply as she runs towards the door, leaving her bag and books on the desk. That is probably the most disconcerting thing I've ever seen. She would never leave her precious books behind, nor leave a lesson if she wasn’t truly unwell. I stare after her, knowing I saw tears in her eyes as she left.

"Mister Malfoy," Snape booms, banging the desk before me, "Since you are so engrossed in what Miss Granger is doing, perhaps you might report to Professor McGonagall that one of her house requires her assistance." Snape picks up and holds out Grangers bag for me to take and I almost stagger under its weight. Salazar, sodding, Slytherin, what has she got sequestered in this bag, a cauldron? Rocks?

"My father will hear about this!" I tell the professor, "He doesn't send me here to lug the bags of..."

"Ten points from Slytherin, Mi-ster Malfoy." Snape interrupts before I say anything further. I'm sly as I never intended to say what he thought I might.

I open my mouth to protest, for show rather than reality.

"Would you like to make it Twenty?" He asks, peering at me darkly.

Shit, I don't have a choice but to smirk and push the shoulders of my mates in the aisle while they take the piss as I leave. They're more bothered about me being picked out by Snape for a change, rather than them, and they ignore the Granger thing. I swagger out, making faces at them, sure they would probably get themselves into trouble without me. As I leave I hear Snape’s voice ask, "Who can tell me..."

Where would she be? In this corridor there are three doors, Snape’s potions cupboard, a male prefect’s bathroom and a broom cupboard. There was very little doubt she'd be in the latter if she was still here. Other than that, she'd be in the next nearest girls’ bathroom, which is at least a corridor away so I try the cupboard first.

I push open the door to find it hindered in opening by something soft, definitely not a broom.

"I suggest you let me in if you don't want McGonagall to come and fetch you." I say, pulling her bag off my shoulder and plonking it on the floor. "Merlin, how do you carry this bag with you all day? Have you never heard of an extension charm?" The smile dies on my lips as I see tears rolling down her cheeks.

"What are you doing here? What do you want?" She sniffs, her voice cracking with emotion.

"I-I, well, I..." Her tears are distracting me enough to make me stutter like a nervous five-year-old. How does she affect me like this? People in my house don't cry in public, so I don't have much experience in dealing with weeping girls. I sigh, taking my handkerchief out and offering it to her. "What's wrong, Granger?"

"I don't see why you'd care." She took the handkerchief with a meek nod of thanks as she set about wiping her eyes.

"Look, I don't have time for this, either tell me or don't, it's no skin off my nose." I don't really mean that, I want to know but we're standing in a broom closet, in the half dark, and any other time I would have her pinned to the wall by now, ravishing her and making her moan. I just don't know what to do with her now, but that doesn’t mean her tears don’t make my heart hurt.

"Don't let the door hit you on the way out, then!" She snapped.

"Far be it for me to interrupt your little sob fest, Granger, but if you’re ill then I’ll take you to Madam Pomphrey, if not, I’ll leave you alone as you clearly don’t want me here.”

“Why, Malfoy?” She asks, sniffling, her lower lip wobbling and her gorgeous brown eyes swimming with tears.

I don’t know what to say. What is she asking? Is she asking why I’d want to leave her sobbing in the closet if I’m not likely to be the slightest amount of help? “Granger, you don’t want me here, that’s wha—”

“No!” She interrupts, “I mean why would you seek me out and make me feel those things for you, was it a joke? You said it wasn’t to get at Harry, so was it part of a bet to see how far I’d let you go with me? What was the prize? A bottle of Fire Whiskey? Should I expect Nott or Zabini to try next? Come on Malfoy, give me a clue!” She demands, tears still running down her face but the look of righteous anger I’ve come to know and love giving her that scary look like she might hex me into oblivion.

Ah. Now were getting to the crux of the problem, and of course it’s me. I know enough about life to be sure whatever is going on in a woman’s life is always blamed on the man. Mother has threatened to curse Father on more than one occasion for neglecting his husbandly duties in favour of meeting with his fellow death eaters, so I get it. I’m just not sure what I’ve done. I have a feeling she’s going to tell me, though.

I clutch her upper arms and walk her back into the darkness, pressing her back against the wall. “For someone so bloody intelligent, you can be a total idiot, Granger.”

“Get out of my way, I will not let you near me again, Malfoy, do you hear me?” She tries to duck under my arm, but I hold her steady and as she’s yelled a bit too loudly, I cover her mouth with my hand.

“Granger keep quiet unless you want the whole school to find us cozied up in the broom cupboard together during lesson time.” She stops fighting me, but her eyes glint with rage, her chest rising and falling rapidly, and I feel hot breath over the fine hairs of my hand as she breaths hurriedly out of her nose. “What’s all this crap about? You think I took on a bet to be with you? What utter tosh. I was with you because I wanted you, wasn’t that clear in the way I acted? Or do you need a refresher?” I whip my hand away and crash my lips down on hers, she squirms for a moment and then relaxes, her tongue meeting mine and her hands grasping hold of my robes to steady herself. She lets out a little moan and I feel better than I have all week, to be able to hear her moan for me once more. We lose ourselves in the kiss, and I push against her hips with my own, my erection showing her exactly how much I like her.

…....

“Hermione, we’re heading to class, are you coming?” Harry looks up from an in-depth conversation with Neville in the Common room. Everyone’s milling around, getting ready for class after breakfast. I’ve hardly eaten in a week, not since Malfoy snogged me in the broom cupboard near the Great Hall the day everyone went to Hogsmeade. Since that day I haven’t seen hide nor hair of him. Well, he was in lessons, but he didn’t look at me and left with his mates without so much as a glance and didn’t even send me a note to say anything at all. That was when I realised how magnificently stupid I’d been by allowing him free reign to kiss me and touch me intimately. I listened to him talk about his father and I thought we were getting somewhere last Saturday, but then he went silent and I’m almost losing my mind. There’s nobody I can talk to about it as they would all hate me for having any feelings for Malfoy at all.

DA training is full force and I’ve found it harder than usual to avoid the Inquisitorial Squad, they seem to be everywhere, and I watch Malfoy hang back, looking relaxed and bored by whatever is happening. Malfoy hasn’t told me much about why he became a part of the squad or even whether he believes what he’s doing is right, but I know Umbridge is on to us, and it’s only a matter of time before we get caught and it would hurt to be caught by him after what we shared. I understand some of Malfoys background, he explained how his father is, and I daresay he’s part of the squad at his father’s bidding. After what he told me about being chained up at home that time when I got higher grades than him, I know he’ll be doing as his father told him to avoid that happening again. I’m worried about what will happen if the squad catch us and what Umbridge might make Malfoy do to me, or Harry or even Ron, but mostly to me. I’ve heard the horror stories about the second years being interviewed and the tales are horrible, for such young children to be put through what can only be described as low-level torture, is just disgusting and I hate him for being a part of it, especially as I now know how he really feels about it all. But we’re living in difficult times and we all do our very best to protect ourselves, whatever the cost to our reputations, I suppose. I’ve done things I’m not proud of, I’ve lied, snuck out after curfew, colluded against the head teacher of the school, but I do it for the greater good.

I feel an absolute fool, because I think I’ve been taken in by Malfoy and his faux honesty, I think he’s played me, and I can’t help but feel heartbroken because of it, hence the not eating and mooning in my dorm room. The fact Malfoy left with Pansy Parkinson made me feel sick after what we’d shared that day and I keep thinking of them together, laughing at me as Malfoy tells her and his Slytherin housemates how easy I was.

Eventually Fred and George noticed my depression and tried to cheer me up at bit, Harry and Ron still seemed to have their own agenda’s but once the twins informed them how I was acting, they all began to rally round me and Ginny took time away from her other friends to spend an evening with me doing our hair and painting each other’s nails and apologised for not spending more time with me. I told them all I felt homesick, that I missed my parents, and although this wasn’t something I’d ever complained of before, and they accepted it without question. Harry was still distant and only ever seemed present during the DA meetings once Dumbledore was sacked, or when we went to visit Grawp with Hagrid, but he tried for a few days, as did the others, but then they went back to doing their own thing and I was alone again. I began to realise they only ever came to me when they wanted something, especially Harry, and I wonder whether my skills as a witch and my knowledge are my un-doing as they don’t mind taking me off to do something dangerous but forget me the rest of the time.

This morning the pain felt worse. It had been six days since I last spoke with Malfoy and I thought the intense churning of my stomach would die down, but it hasn’t, it only seems to worsen the more he ignores me, and this morning the dam broke when nobody sat with me during potions. I just felt so alone.

Snape allowed me to leave with very little fuss and I ran to the nearest place I could find, the broom cupboard in the corridor nearest the classroom, before I burst into tears. Everything has become too much for me and I could feel Malfoy so close to me I could almost turn around and touch him. How could he do this to me? I admit I’m the closest female to Harry, and that makes me an easy target, that and perhaps because I have feelings and a heart. I’m not saying Harry and Ron don’t, but they’re boys and hide their emotions better than I ever could. I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve and, until now, that’s never been a problem. Now, Malfoys found a way to break me, by just giving enough of himself to allow me to let him in, and, godrick, I hate myself for it.

Unexpectedly, Malfoys pushed inside the cupboard with me, wanting to know what’s wrong. I try to tell him but only ended up listening to him call me an idiot and then he’s snogging me again, just like the past week hadn’t happened. I can’t help it, the feel of him against me makes me moan and gasp, and I want to believe him, but he still hasn’t given me an excuse for not speaking to me for all this time.

His hands begin to wander, and I clasp his wrists. “No, enough.” I tell him, and he takes a step away, looking ashamed of himself. It’s a look I don’t see often on him, but then over the past few weeks I’ve seen many expressions cross his face that I never thought I’d see. “Where have you been? You told me how much you liked me when I last saw you, then once Harry and Ron came back you turned tail and ran off with Pansy.” I hiss at him.

He holds a hand out towards my face and thinks better of it, and his arm drops back to his side. “Is that what this is about? The fact I left with Pansy?” He looks exasperated and runs one hand through his hair.

“Don’t tell me you two aren’t involved, she’s with you every minute of the day.” I tell him, I’ve seen her fawning over him at mealtimes in the great hall or chattering to him in the corridors.

“Huh,” He grins, “So you think Pansy and I are an item?” He begins to chuckle, then begins to laugh.

“It’s not funny!” I demand, how dare he laugh at me!

“Sweetest, Granger.” He takes hold of my hand and kisses the inside of my wrist, his lips soft and his kiss sweet. “Pansy is the least likely person on earth I’d ever be involved with. She only wants me for my family’s status and money and I put up with her as she’s a friend of my family and she’s sometimes fun to be around when she’s not throwing herself at me.” Then he pulls me into his arms and kisses my forehead, and I can still feel laughter rumbling through his body.

“But that still doesn’t explain why you haven’t made any effort to speak to me since Saturday. You told me you’ve really liked me for so long you couldn’t tell when it began,” I remind him, “then you leave me with a whirl of emotions I don’t know what to do with.”

He reaches out and tucks a stray tendril of hair behind my ear. “Forgive me. There was no way to speak to you, your mates or my mates were always around, and Goyle tried to look at a note I wanted to send to you in Arithmancy, you know he’s as thick as a broom and he always wants to copy my notes, I just couldn’t get a message to you. I wanted to meet, very much indeed.”

At that I felt a whole lot better and allowed him to hug me close.

“Now, much as I’d love to stay here and snog you until your legs tremble, Snape is expecting me back and you need to go to McGonagall and get a pass to go back to your dorm, tell her you’re sick and have a rest, I’ll take notes for you.”

I can’t help but blush when he offers to take notes for me, I’ve always wondered how someone with a bright mind, like my own, organises themselves, I smile when I think it would almost be like a love letter to someone who adores knowledge such as I do.

“Can we meet on the steps leading to the boathouse, tonight, after curfew?” He asks, “I have to patrol for Umbridge and I can’t get out of it, but we need to talk I think, I can’t have you bursting into tears in lessons, Umbridge will get wind of it and drag you in for questioning, she queries everything and I don’t want to give that old bitch any ammunition where you’re concerned.”

“OK, if I can get away without being caught, I’ll be there.” I agree, kissing him one last time before we both go our separate ways, him first and then me a few minutes later. I think I’ll need to borrow Harrys cloak if he’ll let me, and I’ll have to tell him I’m going to the restricted section of the library, that usually works.

………….

“Mr Malfoy, I’m sure you’re aware you are out of bed after curfew.” I stop dead in my tracks as Snape calls to me as I sneak down the corridor near the great hall. Fuck.

“I was just finishing my patrol, I know it’s late, but I thought I heard students voices down here.” I say with as much conviction as I can under the circumstances. Its ten fifteen and he has every right to query why I’m there, however much it pisses me off.

“I shall go and investigate, now get to bed before someone else catches you and removes house points.”

I sigh and do as he asks, I have very little choice. Now Granger will be waiting for me and I have no way to contact her.

Stomping back towards the dungeons I feel a tug on my robe, and a giggle behind me as a wall tapestry opens to reveal a small alcove behind it, containing a door with a hidden cupboard. I step inside lighting the tip of my wand with a Lumos charm and see some old picture frames and Knick knacks scattered around but the room is mainly empty apart from a conveniently placed old desk. “You know this will definitely get us caught, Granger.” I tell her as she reveals her head, followed by the rest of her body. She looks flushed and excited.

“I thought Snape knew I was there, I saw him come to check around the hall, but luckily I was waiting behind a suit of armour, so he didn’t get close enough to notice anything was amiss.” She grinned breathlessly, “It’s quite good fun being bad.”

How very Slytherin of her, I knew there was a reason I liked this girl. We both hop up onto the desk and Hermione takes out her wand and lights a candle on an old sconce she sees in the corner of the room. Her hair flickers with golden hues in the candlelight and she looks more beautiful than ever to me. I want to kiss her, but there are things we need to discuss before that, because if I take her in my arms right now I’ll forget what I need to say.

We’re both silent for a moment, waiting for one or the other to say something.

I clear my throat and push down the anxiety of what I’m about to say. “If we follow our hearts and continue whats happening between us, there’s going to be trouble when we are found out, and however much we tell ourselves we’ll be careful, someone will notice, someone always notices. You might seem a bit more chipper than usual, or I might forget and give you a love bite, so you have to wear a scarf or a roll neck jumper in the summer. We might forget ourselves and stare too long at one another. There are too many reasons not to continue seeing each other, and only one big one for us to carry on.” If we are to do this then she must understand the implications and my reasoning.

“Don’t you think I don’t know that?” She clutches my hand and lifts it towards her chest. “I didn’t think I’d ever be in this position, but I know I’ve asked myself if I should just bury my head in my books and forget all about you. Yes, it would be hard, probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I would do it, for you.” She said sincerely.

Her eyes shine in the low light, and she looks like she’s trying to appear resolved and stoic, but if she feels anything like me, she’ll be terrified of letting go. She’s become far too important for me to just stop this now, and if I had to go back to my dreary little life, spent in the company of my parents and their death eater friends, I don’t know what I’d do. I think I’d rather be dead than lose her, somewhat overly dramatic perhaps, but I only see a future where I’m dead emotionally if she’s not in it.

“Y-you said, there was one big reason to carry on.” She murmured, jolting me from my thoughts.

“Yes, there is one reason, and that’s because I’m falling in love with you, Hermione, and if I’m honest, I have been for a long time.” I rub my thumb over the back of her hand, her skin is so soft, and it soothes me just to be able to touch her. “You’ve been like some bright star in a listless, moonlit sky, while I stand on the ground staring up at an unattainable you. But now, you’re within my grasp and I can’t let you go, please don’t make me.” I feel very afraid that by baring my heart she’ll run because it’s too much too soon and terrified that she’ll laugh at me for feeling anything at all.

She leans over and cups my face, the pads of her fingers caressing my cheek bones. What have I ever done to deserve such gentle and careful affection from this girl?

“I care for you too, but I can’t tell you I love you, it’s too soon, but I am willing to take a risk for us to be together, because I see a future for us. We’re similar, you and I and we would be good together. I can feel heat and passion between us, and we can talk about anything, we’re bright and we both light up around each other. Do you know how many muggle relationships fail because they can’t converse about their problems or because they don’t appreciate the small things about each other? You’re honest and you’re telling me how you feel, that has to count for something, right? Also, you do know we’ll probably kill each other, we’re both too hot headed.” She giggles, moving closer and laying her head on my shoulder.

“I feel calmer around you, and I know you’d make me a better person, Hermione, I feel that already, and I’m willing to let you win every argument, my sweetest one, I’d give you anything you ever asked for, if you’d let me.” In for a penny, in for a pound, if I’m telling her every thought I have of her, then I’ll go the whole hog, what do I have to lose? Only her, and that doesn’t bare thinking about.

She smiles tenderly and ghosts a kiss on my lips. “I hope so, anyway, you told me you like it when I’m bossy.” She grins.

I chuckle, this girl is probably going to rule me, and I’ll let her, I know it. “I love everything you do, sweetheart.” I lift her hand to my lips and kiss her knuckles.

Her brow furrows before she asks, “How is this going to work? We can’t keep sneaking off after curfew and hiding behind tapestries. We have to find a definite place to meet, and a way to get a message to each other if we can’t make it.” Hermione has this look, it’s like you can see the cogs of her brain working inside her head while she purses her lips, I’ve seen it a thousand times in class.

“We can use the room of requirement again, and I suggest we meet three nights a week, at eight o’ clock, so no one misses us at dinner and we have sufficient time to study. That will give us two hours together before curfew.  I think I could manage to get away to see you on a Sunday afternoon too, if there’s no quidditch practice.” I propose.

“That sounds great, I know I’ll miss you on those other nights, but at least we won’t be missed. It still doesn’t answer the question of how to contact each other without anyone catching us. Umbridge is even monitoring anything the owls are bring into the castle, so there’s no way to use them for messaging each other.” She deliberated, but then got quite excited as she thought of something. “Oh, actually, in the library there’s a small portion of loose wood at the end of the potions section, where the bookcase has worn away and the woods loosened, I noticed it while I was looking for a potion for draft of peace this week. I think there’s enough space to fit a small piece of parchment into the gap. I’ll leave a message there for you tomorrow and we’ll see if it works.”

I knew what Umbridge was doing, I was a bloody part of it, but never alone long enough to monitor incoming owls on my own, the silly old troll was always there, supervising. I hated the job as the owls almost always bit me and Umbridge rarely supressed her sinister giggle when they did. I also hated that Hermione had become so distressed this past week because of me, she’d reverted to potions to help her state of mind. I vowed that she would never feel that bad again if I had any power over it. It was lucky my wonderful girl was sly enough to come up with an excellent alternative to owls. “That sounds wonderful, now, let me kiss you before we go to bed, I think I might explode if I don’t after all this sneaking around tonight.”

She sighed as I kissed her passionately, in danger of taking things further as a whirlwind of craving filled my body, but I drew back and practiced some self-restraint as she whimpered. “I promise I’ll see you tomorrow night at our place, and I’ll give you anything you want, sweetest one, but for now we’d better get to bed before we’re missed.”

I watch her run to her dorms before heading back down the stairs myself. The dungeons were much further away, but with the way I felt right now, nothing could ruin my mood, even being caught by Umbridge herself. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apols for the delay in update, I'm trying to add a chapter when I can.  
> Enjoy and please leave a review and tell me your thoughts on how this is going.

I walked into the great hall feeling lighter than I'd felt in ages. Draco told me he loved me, and my stomach hasn't stopped swirling with hinkypunks since. I hardly slept and my minds all fuzzy. I stagger over my own shoes as I walk in, and I look to the Slytherin table first. He's not there and I'm disappointed. Then someone bumps into me from behind and I hear a roar of laughter.

"Watch where you're standing, Granger!" 

I hear Draco’s voice, and then the lightest brush of his fingertips against my wrist as he passes. His touch is like a shockwave that rocks me to my core and I can barely get it together to say anything in reply, I know I have to, but it's hard to find the words.

"Get stuffed, Malfoy!" I blurt out.

Then Crabbe and Goyle home in, moving into my space. Draco pushes them apart, moving into the gap they left and towering above me in my personal space. I barely dare to look up. He's breathing deeply, and his eyes darken as they stare into mine, his lips curled in what is almost a crooked smile but to anyone else it would look like a sneer. I'm reminded of what he said last night, _"We might forget ourselves and stare too long at one another,"_ But I hold his gaze, unwilling to back down. Seconds pass and eventually he sneers, "Leave it, she's not worth it. She'll get hers." He strides away and it's all I can do not to grin, so I purse my lips and turn towards the Gryffindor table. 

Fred stands and glares at Draco, watching him and his crew head to the Slytherin table. "What was that about?" He asks as I arrive. He’s concerned, but he has no need to be, not that I’d tell him that.  It's nice to have someone watch my back, but it also makes it more likely Draco and I would be caught out, so I try to smooth it over. "Oh, just D, err, Malfoy being his usual, elitist, self." I sit and take a piece of toast, eating it and trying to look like I don't care, but I care, I care a bloody lot and I find it hard not to purvey that. I reach over for some marmalade.

"I don't like it," Fred elbowed George, "That bastards upset Hermione again, wanna find a way to get to him?" He raised his chin in Draco’s direction. 

"Yeah, I'm up for it." George agreed before shoving a sausage in his mouth and continuing his conversation with Ginny. I don’t know what they’re discussing but they seem cagey about it as they both glance at me before getting back to what they were talking about.

I can’t help but frown and glance back over my shoulder at Draco, he’s gone too far this morning and now people are staring at us both. He gives me a cocky raise of his eyebrow and chin, and I turn back to Fred, hoping it looks like we’re talking about Draco, that’ll teach him! But, damn, he’s good at this and I could almost believe he couldn't care less. "No, leave it, I don't want to give them any more ammunition." I say, watching Fred peering over at the snakes table menacingly.

"Well, alright, if you're sure, Hermione, I only need one excuse to take that prat into a broom cupboard and beat the living crap out of him. Make the most of us, we might not be here much longer." Fred gave Draco another harsh look before he went back to his breakfast.

What Fred said was lost on me, what did he mean, they won’t be here for much longer? I spent the whole of breakfast wondering about that and feeling like Draco’s gaze was in the back of my neck. I felt far too hot and finished off my toast before heading off to the library before class to place my note for Draco. 

There were no other students there when I rushed to the potions section, pulling out a piece of parchment and ripping off a small enough piece to put into the nook.

"You played your part well, my sweet." His voice whispered into my ear, making me almost hit the roof in fear. I wasn't sure how he'd managed to sneak up on me, but I knew I'd have to be more careful next time.

"Godrick! You nearly made my heart stop!" My heart is racing, I really thought I might have a heart attack.

His hands are on my hips and I feel his hot breath on the back of my neck as he draws my hair aside. "Tut, tut, Granger, so you didn't think you'd pay for your indolent language. The only one who’s going to get stuffed is you." He utters over the shell of my ear.

"N-no, I-I—we can't here." I protest, feeling my knickers dampen at the thought of him doing anything more than snogging me and feeling me up. I can't remember if I've told him I'm a virgin, and he can't just come out of nowhere and take my virginity in the library.

"But you're trembling at the thought of me inside you, aren't you?" He whispers before planting kisses along my neck. Oh god, that must be my catnip as I'm shivering with each one.

His hand moves from my hip and reaches under my robe, drifting up towards my breasts. I take a deep breath and hold it and my body arches as his nimble fingers move over my shirt to my right nipple. He tweaks it and I arch my back, leaning into his chest. "Oh, God." I whimper and bite my lip so hard I wonder if I've drawn blood.

His other hand pulls my hips closer to his and I feel his hardness against my bum.

"Let's go to the room, right now, I'll pretend I'm ill, I want you." He murmurs.

A gaggle of loud voices enter the library and I stiffen. He does the same but plants a kiss on my temple.

"Later." He says and disappears as silently as he appears.

When I've tried to recover from my blushes and jelly legs, I move into the main library and hear Pansy Parkinson laughing with a group of Slytherins, including Draco. I pretend to be looking for a book in the stack behind them. 

"Salazar! Did you see Grangers face when she got in Draco’s way? I thought she was going to be sick on his shoes, she was so terrified. Where was her heroic Potter then? We ought to get her on her own more often." Pansy cackled.

I want to smash my fist in her face but retained my composure.

"Or perhaps you’ll need to watch your back, Parkinson!" I say sternly as I storm past them and out of the library. My hearts hammering as I hear peals of laughter behind me and someone says, "Ooh, burn!" as I leave.

I feel better for saying it but am concerned that Parkinson would go all out to get me now I’ve humiliated her in front of her friends.

...….

Merlin, his girl was glorious, like an avenging angel, and the way she gave Pansy what for would be imprinted in his brain forever for both the hilarity and the annoyed look on Pansy’s face.

"Draco! Are you going to let that filthy mud blood speak to me like that? You’re part of the squad, you can get her tortured, can't you? She'll never speak to her betters like that again if you do!" The brunette stomped over to him, her hands placed on her hips.

That would never happen, never, never, never! I place both hands on the back of my neck and interlace my fingers, rocking my chair back and looking nonchalant, while crossing one leg over my knee. I’ve been waiting to say this for years, so I do. "Oh, do be quiet, Pansy, like we care about the likes of her. She's small fry, Umbridge wants the ringleaders and Granger is a follower. We don't take students who do nothing more than piss other students off." I flick my hand at her, "Anyway, don't you have a History of Magic lesson to get to?"

Crabbe and Goyle look like they may just die laughing and Pansy looks like she might explode. I relish her red face as she collects her bag and storms off, with Crabbe and Goyle still cackling in her wake.

I'm going to have to watch her now, she's definitely going to be out to get Hermione. I've put that bitch in her place and will continue to do so, but I also have the concern she might tell her father and then I'll be in the worst situation over the holidays. I relax as I remember I will be anyway, as Hermione is well on her way to being top of the class and Lucius will make me pay for something, it's his way. At least this time I'll have someone to think about while I suffer his punishment. I try not to think about it.

 

I thought I’d have to stay in the library because if I move now people will see my cock, still semi hard from my encounter with Hermione, but thoughts of my father put paid to that, and I head off to my DADA lesson hoping I can watch her again. Blast, I'm so bloody besotted with Hermione Granger.

........

Brown is sick and the weasels sitting with her, he's too handsy with my girl, especially when his bird isn't there. I decide I'm going to annoy him, because otherwise I might just stupefy him.

"Ron, it isn't that hard to understand, just read the section." Hermione’s saying. She sounds annoyed and so she should be, the bloke is from a pureblood family and is a thick as shit, I just don’t get it. Their heads are almost touching as they read the book and I watch Umbridge as she rebukes a student in the front row, taking my opportunity to cast a hex on the belt of Weasleby’s second hand trousers. 

Umbridge asked a question and I didn't hear it, but neither did Weasley so I draw attention to him by shooting another hex at his hair, turning it purple and making him squirm as he begins scratching at his scalp. 

"Mr Weasley! Either you've decided to become a monkey, or you have the answer, which is it?" Umbridge asks in her high pitched and irritating voice. 

"What? Err, I mean, sorry, what was the question?" He asks, his nails still scrawling a pattern over his stupid red hair.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor!" She shrieks and I'm almost deafened, along with the rest of the class. I wish I hadn't bothered. The old bint has nearly blown out my eardrums and Hermione’s, I’ll have to kiss them better later.

The blonde, Lovegood, glanced back at me and raised an eyebrow. It bloody annoys me that she's on to me, I still don't know how, she's not getting into my head, but I know she scores highly in Divination. It's a crap lesson and I hate it, Trelawney is a freaky weirdo and I only went to watch Hermione. I'm wondering now whether there's more to it and the crazy professor really can teach. Umbridge didn't think so, but perhaps that’s to her detriment?

...……

Eight o' clock couldn't come around soon enough. Everyone knew about my run in with Draco that morning and they wouldn't stop going on about it at dinner, then I tried to study in the common room and word had spread. All I heard were discussions on how to get back at Malfoy or what they'd do to him if they got him alone, I even heard girls searching for spells to turn his hair purple. I chuckled at that, especially as Ron had spent the whole evening trying to get his own colour back to red.

At five to eight I packed my books up and left the dorm. Nobody noticed, and that said it all. They were never bothered about me, only about anyone who bothered me. Christ, had feminism ever entered the wizarding world? Could a witch be allowed to fight their own battles? Who could be considered the Patriarchy here, Dumbledore? Voldemort? A young wizard with magic fingers that felt too good? No, not him, he didn't make me do anything I didn't want to do.

I arrived at the room of requirement and saw a bed, surrounded by candles. I must've conjured it in my own mind, the room wasn't the same as the room was when I first met Draco here, there was nothing else apart from the bed. 

Then he sauntered through the door, he was as shocked as I was to find it only filled by a bed. As soon as he looked at me his eyes darkened, and he strode towards me, grasping my arms and smashing his lips on mine. 

I don't remember when we stopped kissing, but I know my chest was heaving and he was looking at me like he was ready to devour me. Every fibre of my being was filled with desire and I wanted him, oh, Godrick, how I wanted him.

"I want you, and I'll make love to you if you're ready for me to." He gasped, his silver eyes shimmering with want, but laced with fear.

What was he afraid of? Surely not me? Perhaps more by the thought of laying himself bare emotionally.

My fear was the same, but only the thought of allowing him to make love to me when I'd never done it before terrified me. Within the swirl of emotions, I felt I had an epiphany and it felt like a miracle of epic proportions. I knew I loved him too. I love Draco Malfoy, I’m the friend of Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, I’m the daughter of muggles and everything Draco should hate, he was a man I should hate because of his allegiances, he would be hated by everyone I knew, and he was risking everything for me. What he'd done for me was amazing and if this didn't go badly, we could be a formidable couple, the two of us determined, stubborn and in love, but we needed one another like air.

His sinful eyes were on mine, begging my reply.

"Yes.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just so as you are aware, I've changed the rating from Mature to Explicit as this fic has gone from playful touching to full on smut in this chapter.  
> I'm still trying to add chapters as and when I can, around college work.  
> I thank my awesome beta Badwolfjedi for sticking with me and for her amazing and helpful comments on my work, she is the best!
> 
> In the last chapter Hermione had just agreed to sex with Draco in the room of requirement, much to his astonishment. Enjoy!  
>  ~~~~~xxxxx~~~~~

Yes? She’s said yes and I’m terrified. I have to admit, I never believed she’d agree to anything more than heavy petting and now I don’t know how to reign myself in. I want her more than anything but once we cross this line there won’t be any going back.

I try to tell myself that this should never have happened, that I should never be here with the insufferable know it all, the bushy haired best friend of the boy I’ve always hated, Gryffindor bookworm and the one who will always figure out anything I ever thought I could get past her. I’m too close now and my father is likely to skin me alive for this.

I hate myself for even thinking any of those things about her, I hate my father for indoctrinating me, for making me think like the bigot he is. Her blood is no different to mine, no different to anyone’s, blood thunders through her veins, pumped by the same heart as mine and her blood is perfect, just as she is. She’s fearless and tells people off to their faces, err, well she told me off to mine so many times I can’t possibly count, but yet she’s like Lady Justice herself in the muggle world, her own particular brand of righteousness bidding us all to bow to her behest, lest she strike us down with furious vengeance. I know much about her world now in my quest to find out about her life, I even took a visit to muggle London and asked for a fire whisky in a muggle pub alongside Theo Nott, we weren’t served by the impudent oafs, but it was an experience none the less. Why am I thinking of such things while my witch is standing before me expectantly?

I could set this room on fire and burn the both of us, so we didn’t have to grapple with what is to come for both of us if we do this, but we’re already burning, and I don’t know how I can ever stop. I’ve loved her all this time and I’m standing here terror-stricken and in love, and ablaze with passion for her.

I step forward to cup her cheek, rubbing the pad of my thumb across her lips. “I love you Hermione Granger.” I tell her, I have to tell her again as the first time I told her wouldn’t be enough, I want it to spill from my lips forever and for her to chide me with a smile for telling her so much as we live until we are old and decrepit and both our silver hair matches my eyes. There’s enough going on in this world for her to doubt my intensions, and for some reason this angel has decided to let me in, to allow me a piece of her soul that I know I’ll carry forever.

I’ve read the books, I’ve known how this sex thing all works for years, had girls from every house throw themselves at me because they thought I was some hard case Slytherin god who could give them a good time. I have to admit there were times when I was tempted, but they weren’t her and it would never feel like making love to her even if I closed my eyes and pretended. Inside my heart where she lives now, has always been reserved for one such as she, one who deserved to crack the ice I’d formed around my heart due to dreadful circumstance and the hateful people surrounding me, to join my mother in a place reserved only for her within the blooming warmth of my soul, the only two I can trust in my arduous life.

She trembles under my touch when I reach out to splay my hand over her heart, feeling it pulse and jack hammer beneath my palm as it surprises me with how strange it is to feel another’s heartbeat. I know she’s as anxious about taking this step as I am, so I decide to take the lead and see where it takes us. I lean into her ear and nudge it with my nose, dropping a sweet kiss on the lobe. The wild, silken hair I love tickles my nostrils and I have to stop myself from chuckling, this isn’t the right time. “I won’t do anything you don’t want, kitten, just tell me if you want to stop. There’s nothing more important to me than your comfort.” I murmur.

She nods and gasps as I plant hot kisses on her neck and pull her closer to me, leaving but inches between us. Gone is the urgency of stealing moments in corners or behind tapestries. I mean to allow her to come to me and to make love to her slowly and languidly, only giving her more if she demands it. A woman such as she deserves nothing less than my full respect.

…………………………

Heat flushes through me like I’ve just stepped into the proximity of a furnace and I finger my collar, sticky with sweat as I feel the urge to rip away all my clothes, in the belief it might cool me.

My mind is filled with him, his scent, his words, and his voice washes over me like a wave of sultry seduction that I don’t have time to relish. I know him well enough to know there is heat and passion in those words but the need in me urges me to take what I want, to allow him to deflower me without a care. He tells me he’ll be able to stop if I’m uncomfortable, but he doesn’t realise how tormented I am by him. Rather it seems he should be the one to worry that I may not be able to stop should _he_ find it all too much. I bite my lip to supress a giggle at that thought. I have a feeling, once I unleash this tornado of feelings within me, he will never have to worry about me not wanting him. In fact, with the way I feel right now, I can’t envision a time when I won’t want him.

I follow his lead and run my hands down his chest, clutching his robes in fisted hands as I pull his body flush with mine. He makes a noise which sounds a little like a girlish yip and he stops his ministrations and looks down at me. Draco at his full height above me is a commanding presence, but yet he smiles, his eyes filled with mirth. “Why, Miss Granger, you are being terribly forward.” He smirks, placing his hand on the back of my neck, intermingling his fingers with the curls at the nape of my neck, his other hand placing itself firmly on my buttocks and giving a tentative and playful squeeze.

“That, Mr. Malfoy, is because you have rudely kept your lady waiting.” I chuckle to myself, I will never be Lady Malfoy and it is frivolous to even entertain the idea, nor should I want to be, not in these times anyway, but I want him. I suddenly feel less afraid of whats to happen between us. It’s us, he is still himself and I, still me, and we love each other now. Any fear should be checked at the door with no receipt for a return later. I reach up to pull his head to meet mine and I look him in the eyes, his beautiful, silver, grey eyes which glitter like the constellation for which he is named. “I love you so very much, Draco, please make love to me.”

Any danger of being kept waiting was lost on me as he untangles his hands from my hair and hooks his hands under my knees, lifting me to cling to him and wrap my legs around him. He makes a sound in his throat which sounds like a low and very male growl as he carries me to the bed, launching me onto it. I bounce as the mattress gives around me and I let out a gasp at his audacity to throw me away from him. That is until he divests himself of his robes and begins to unbutton his shirt. That flush of heat is back, now tenfold, as he removes his shirt and throws it to one side, leaving his chest visible to me for the first time and it leaves him wearing only his black trousers. I notice he’s wearing a belt with a motif of a green and black dragon, that is so him and I want to laugh again, more from the hysteria of what is about to happen than the fact I’m about to go to bed with a Slytherin, and not only that, the Malfoy heir who called me unspeakable names yet fell in love with me. My brain feels scrambled and incoherent as he unbuckles the belt and drops it to the floor, my only focus, the bulge under his waist and the fact he’ll be removing his trousers next. I’m seriously now comparing what he’s about to reveal to me as his Slytherin snake and I cover my mouth to stifle giggles that would really not be appropriate at this moment. I know I look shocked.

His eyes burn with fire and excitement and I want to float off into them, my arms propelling me into space and to him. Merlin I’ve got it bad.

He drops his trousers and pants and lets his cock spring free and it’s all I can do not to gasp with pleasure and lose myself at the sight. I’m concerned that something that size won’t fit inside me, but yet this feels so perfectly right.

…………

The little bitch is almost giggling and for a moment I’m concerned that now I’m buck naked before her, she’s suddenly realised she doesn’t want me or I’m ugly. No, it can’t be that, I’m fucking perfect example of a man, of course I am. Aren’t I a Malfoy? My stomach plummets in the way it does going down in one of those lifts at the Ministry. If she’s been leading me on this whole time to get one over on me for Potter, then I’ll kill her. Am I the biggest idiot alive? Have I been bested by Granger when I didn’t even know it?

I shoot her a look of distain and move forwards, leaning over her and grasping a bundle of hair at the nape of her neck, pulling her hair back so she has no choice but to look into my eyes.

She peers back at me with trusting, lust filled eyes, with no hint that she even realises I’m mad as hell with her, her glinting caramel hues burning through cinnamon irises, barely remaining as black overtakes them and the bad feeling in my gut dissipates. She doesn’t know that this isn’t part of sex, she has no experience, but she likes this, she fucking likes me taking control and when I expect to hear a whimper of fear, I hear a moan that resonates through my whole body, right to my prick, which hardens further if that were at all possible. Of course, I’m a moron, she’s been almost begging for it when I’ve manhandled her and shoved her up against walls in broom cupboards, snogging her until she moaned in passion. I should’ve realised she’s liked me taking charge, although she probably doesn’t know what that means yet and I’m not sure what I am meant to do but I’ve heard other blokes chatting about how some women want their men to take charge in the bedroom, that they want a man to make them pant and moan and make them do as they’re told. Of course, I’m no simpleton, some will want the idea of that but not the actual thing, so I’ll play it cautiously, if there’s one thing I know about Hermione Granger, she won’t put up with anything she doesn’t want. Terror clutches at my heart, as I want to make it good for her, so she’ll know that Draco Malfoy is the only one she ever wants, that Draco Malfoy is the only one who can make her feel this way, but if I cock up then I might lose her forever.

The little minx is unbuttoning her blouse, and her skirt has flopped back over her smooth thighs, leaving me a view of her white lace knickers and I’m amazed by the material between her legs dampening as it becomes wetter and her arousal permeates the air. She wants me as much as I want her. I gulp back the desire to bolt and leave her here all wanton and saturated because I don’t know if I can be what she wants, yet I desperately need to be because if I don’t, I know I’ll be alone forever, no other will do for me.

There is only one way to do this, and I dive right into it, snogging her for all I’m worth and hoping she might not realise I’ve never done it before and trying to remember I promised her I’d make love to her, not war.

……………………

He’s thinking far too much, I watched his eyes change before he grabbed my hair, but the feeling of the roots being pulled in such a delicious way shot such sparks through my body I’ve never felt before and I uttered a moan which sounded so womanly I wasn’t even sure it was me doing it.

It took far too long for him to move as his eyes roved my body, it was like he was frozen, so I began to unbutton my blouse, and open my legs ready for him. I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do but I go ahead, feeling my arousal flood my knickers as I take in how his abs flutter and his flesh covers with goosepimples as he trembles at the sight of me.

He leans over me about to pounce, but there is still uncertainty in his eyes, he’s warring with himself and I don’t blame him, the same conflict is going on inside me. Should we go this far? Because if we do there’s no coming back from it, and if he just wants me to get one over on me then I’ll be devastated. I think I know him better than that, but things aren’t always what they seem between muggleborn’s and purebloods, he’s crossing a line he can never uncross, even if he wants to, and I hope to Merlin he doesn’t.

Then I forget.

Oh, Godrick, am I still me? He’s kissing me and we’re in a tangle of limbs. He and I feel almost like the same person and I wonder if my rapture at his touch is the same as his pleasure at mine. His chest presses over my lace covered breasts, causing my nipples to harden almost painfully and his body slides between my thighs, feeling instantly like it belongs there. The throb of every part of me as he dips his tongue into my mouth is almost my undoing, I groan with pleasure as his fingers make their way to my stomach, then his flattened hands head north and push underneath my bra, the pads of his thumbs circle both nipples as I arch against him, hardly realising I am, but some part of me is wide awake and my clit seeks more friction as I roll my hips against him, desperate to feel his cock against me.

He whimpers and withdraws his hands, pushing my shoulders back firmly against the bed as he looks at me with eyes as black as tar, barely rimmed with silver. “Now, Granger, if you don’t want me to shoot my load over your belly right now, then I suggest you stop rubbing against me like a wanton goddess.”

I want to see it, I want to see him lose control but when I open my eyes and pout, he looks like he’s in physical pain, so I relax as much as possible, even though I desperately want to rub myself against him more and more to relieve the heat and desire rocketing through me. His dick is so hot against my mons through the lace of my knickers, I can feel it twitching. I can feel the brush of the coarse hairs of his thighs against mine, the fine hairs of his lower abs against my belly and all I want is for him to remove the blasted lace and let me feel his length against my pussy. This is like being tortured, like some animal inside me has been awakened and it won’t be sated until I can have him.

I clench my fists to stop from touching him and he begins to move again after a few moments, drawing back until he’s on his haunches. I realise he’s hooked his thumbs into the lace at the edge of my knickers and I watch him as he slides them slowly down my thighs to the tips of my toes, kissing the inside of one of my ankles before launching them over his shoulder with a smirk. I bite my lip and shake my head in exasperation. “Is this some ploy to make me wait, Malfoy?” I ask trying to look more annoyed than I feel. “Because my wand is around here somewhere, and I could turn you back into a ferret if I tried.”

His face shoots back to meet mine. “Hermione Granger, I thought you said you loved me.” He crawls towards me with fire in his eyes, looking a little dangerous, just how I like him. “Now all I hear is you wanting me to revisit the worst time of my life.” He chides and smiles as he begins to plant sweet, tender kisses across my chest, my décolletage and up to my jawline. His hot breath caresses my neck and I shiver as his hands move to the apex of my thighs, his fingers trailing over my curls. He looks to me from below his lashes as he dips down further, making me jolt as he barely brushes my cilt, his fingers skimming my abundant juices and gathering them up onto his fingertips. “You are a very naughty witch,” He whispers into my ear, then he reaches out to clutch my chin with his hand as he slid first one finger, then two inside me and I bucked against him, my pleasure intensified by being touched somewhere no one had ever touched me before. He holds my eyes with his own and I can’t look away, I don’t want to. “And the next time you make threats I’m going to spank you until you can’t walk.” His voice murmured. God, his voice was gruff and throaty, and I wanted to cum as soon as I heard it. The unfamiliar intrusion of his fingers felt so good it was like the funny feeling in your tummy when you fall in love turned into spirals of thrilling pins and needles covering your body, sharpening every nerve and causing that feeling to race over every plane of your being. Once he moved his thumb to circle my nubbin, I was suddenly lost to sensation, my heart hammered so hard I thought I might die, I sucked in my breath, wondering if I’d ever breath again and I couldn’t control the cry which fell from my lips, his name, followed by several oh gods and a few definite profanities.

When I came down my hair was plastered to my face and my breath was coming in gasps. His eyes were on me while his fingers were inside me still, he looked like he might spontaneously combust and have to be taken to Madame Pomphrey to be put back together again.

Draco was silent for what seemed like a lifetime, and I wondered If I’d broken him. Then he blinked and said, “Fuck, Hermione, did you just cum on my fingers?”

 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to any of you sweeties who've send kudos or reviews. I'm sorry to keep you waiting but college is pretty full on and I've just finished my exams. I'll continue to update as and when I can.   
> This story is beta'd by the fabulous @badwolfjedi, thanks so much my lovely!  
> As per the last chapter, this one contains smut, lemons, whatever you like to call it, so kick back and enjoy!

"That was..." She's trying to catch her breath as tears spill down her cheeks. Oh shit, I've broken her.

It isn't like I’m an expert at any of this.  I stare at my sodden fingers in wonder, with only one thought going through my head. I made Hermione cum with just my hand and it has never been so easy before. No other witch has ever peaked for me so fast or clamped down so hard on my fingers to the point I thought she might break them. I'm in awe of the woman before me and now I finally understand, with perfect clarity, that we were written in the stars. She's the bloody star Gamma Draconis to my Draco constellation, my everything, and if I weren’t so damn horny, I might drop to my knees and worship this powerful witch like she is sweet Circe herself.

"Draco?" I hear her utter.

"Oh, Salazar, I'm sorry sweetheart, you splinter into a million shards and I didn't know what to do, y-you, were so perfect my mind couldn’t keep up with you."

Her hand is held out to me as I grasp it and allow her to pull me over to her, my body fitting like the last piece of a puzzle between her thighs, and my eyes almost roll at her touch. She caresses my face, but I don't dare look at her. I want her so badly, if I was to see even a hint of doubt my heart would shatter. 

I move back to my haunches. If anyone ever found out about the two of us, we'd both be ruined. She can't know what's been happening this year, she's heard Potter say the Dark Lord is back, but she hasn't seen him herself. Neither have I, but I see the look of constant fear on my father’s troubled face when I return home, the sheen of sweat on his proud brow. I'm not stupid and however my parents seek to protect me, I know I'm liable to become privy to unfettered knowledge of the Dark Lord and his return. His dismal energy almost vibrates through my home when I return, regardless of his conspicuous absence. 

Hermione told me once she considered Hogwarts her true home and, recently, I feel I must agree with her. It's the only place in the world I feel safe, where I'm away from the darkness clouding my world and regardless of whether Umbridge (the stupid bint) thinks she's the school’s high mistress. Even I respect Dumbledore and his ability to protect his students more than some ministry automaton, no one doubts how great a wizard the bloke is, even my father would never underestimate his power. The old bitch will be ousted at some point and the order of things will resume as normal, I have to know they will, because they must, for her, my love to keep her safe.

"Draco?" Her hand is gently caressing my fingers, lacing them through her own, she stares at me so intensely, it almost looks like love. I deflate at her touch, I feel like a coward because I'm thinking too much while being still, without allowing her the courtesy of knowing what's on my mind.  She deserves it, she's giving me this perfect moment and here I am between her thighs thinking about anything other than her. I'm truly sorry. "I apologise my lady."

Her hand freezes. Of course, she never believes she'll be Lady Malfoy, because no one other than me would ever consider her right for the position. I clench my fist against my mouth and close my eyes.

"Draco, I-if you're not ready, or you don't w-want—we can wait." 

What man with any mettle would keep his woman waiting so long like this? The look in her eyes makes me drop my head in shame, she's desperate for me and I'm not uncertain, I don't want to wait, it's just I don't deserve her, I know I don't, and things are only going to get harder from now onwards. If I make love to her then I'll be hers and she'll be mine and the bloody world will revolve around us both until the end of our days, not that it doesn't already. I don’t need that silly witch, Trelawney, to see that in our futures, because I daresay she couldn’t divinate her way out of paper bag

"I-I," She begins, wriggling as a flash of pain darkens her features, "do you know what? Let's forget it, Malfoy! If you won't talk to me, confide in me now, how can we ever be together!" Her shriek wakes me up from my self-obsessed nightmare to find her struggling away from me, one leg on the side of the bed and the other fighting to rid herself of the hand I’d caught her ankle with.

I'm sorry, Hermione, I'm so sorry, shit, I’ve really fucked this up. "Wait, don't go, I'm sorry! I'm overwhelmed, alright, you're so bloody perfect and I'm a total git." I take hold of her knee and kiss it sincerely, sliding her back inch by inch, thankfully with no resistance on her part. She crosses her arms and sits before me, her legendary scowl in place, and I must admit I deserve it and I’m lucky her wand isn’t to hand because she’s probably have hexed me into next week. I beg, like no other Malfoy man ever has, because I have to fix it, because, if I don’t have her, I have no one. I’d want her even if we weren’t here doing this, I’d want her, even if she only wanted to be my friend, I’d want her if she never allowed me to touch her again, I know I’d pine for her forever, because she is life itself to me now and I can’t breathe without her. How did this little Gryffindor princess wheedle her way into my heart like this? Only sweet Merlin knows. "Please don't leave, I won't b it."

"Then tell me, Draco! Don't treat me like someone who can't understand! I'm no bloody Pansy Parkinson, I won't ever be a cow to you, or disbelieve you, whatever you tell me.” She takes both my hands in hers and squeezes them tightly. “You can trust me, I would never tell anyone."

I'm afraid, I'm so bloody scared that if I let her in, I'll end up putting her in danger. Fuck, I can't even protect her now. What'll happen when the whole of Slytherin know? Zabini and Nott might come around with gentle persuasion by the toe of my boot and perhaps Greengrass with a little coaxing, she's always been a little less prejudiced than the others, even though her father is the biggest tosser of a Death Eater going. Then there’s Crabbe and Goyle, they'll be the most difficult, because, as knuckle headed as they are, their fathers are a force to be reckoned with within Death Eater ranks, second only to my father. Pansy will be enraged because I’ve dumped her so many times it's an on-going fucking relationship in her phrenetic mind, the bloody girl needs a lobotomy.

"If I have to ask again then I'm gone, Draco." Her voice is low in warning and her cinnamon eyes are burning, no longer with desire, but in anger and heartbreak. 

I freeze, as wouldn't it be better to be a coward and let her go? Humiliate her once again so she stays away for good? 

She's on her feet, grabbing her things and getting ready to leave. This time if she goes, I know she'll be gone for good and she'll never forgive me.

I hear a sob reverberate around the room as she rushes for the door and, somehow, I find my balls and stand. "When you're in the great hall, I watch you. You're with your friends, Potter and Weasley, and you glow, you shine above the pair of them like an angel, because Weasleby’s a fucking idiot and Potter is a bloody martyr, Granger. And me, I'm a walking death wish, do you really want that? Really want me, over the golden boys? My father..." I whisper the last part as I place my arms gently either side of the door next to her head, like she’s some unbroken filly I’m trying not to spook.

"Will hear about it." She finished my sentence, breathily and I knew it wasn't a jeer, it was the worst kind of irony because if he caught scent of my relationship with a muggleborn witch it would be more than the dungeons for the summer with my sodding books, my punishment would be so much worse.

She's still half naked, the remainder of her clothes clutched to her chest. "And if he does, I can't be certain what will happen to you, sweetheart." I reply before pursing my lips. My father is a conniving shit and honestly, I didn't know how he'd react, apart from the fact it would be bad. With Umbridge in power at Hogwarts, he could walk right into Hogwarts at any time. My mother was always a gentler witch and she generally does as my father asked, unless riled, but under my father’s tutelage she might back him against me, I can't be sure.

I think of my parents and realise why I love Hermione, because she has unyielding qualities of fortitude and intelligence, along with stubbornness and an inner beauty of the like I'd never experienced, and she has compassion in abundance, one of her finest qualities, without which I would not be here at all. None of these qualities could protect her from a Death Eater’s wrath. She has the ability to act rashly, and that's what I'm most afraid of.

"You're my," she speaks breathlessly, laying her forehead against the wooden door, "m-my boyfriend, Draco, not my father. If I must protect myself, I don't need you, I know spells that would turn your hair whiter than it is." Her hand reaches back to grasp the fine hairs at the nape of my neck. I want to cry, I tremble and revel in her touch because I've lacked such gentleness and understanding my whole life. She understands me without me having to voice my apprehension.

Fuck, I know she bests me in everything, and I can't help but chuckle at her less than gentle reminder, that she, my little witch, is much more likely to protect me from the terrors of this world, and doesn't she know it! My throat went dry when she called me her boyfriend, my heart hammering. It means something. It means I am someone, like I'm something more than I've ever been, no longer the childish bully filled with spite, while projecting my father’s bigoted views on my fellow students, like I'm worthy of something more than being just the rich and affected Malfoy Heir. I realise she's the one whose shown me what it is to be someone and my heart thrums with it, my love for her. But if she won't stay, it means nothing, and I will be nothing again. In her eyes, I am redeemable, in her eyes I am her wizard. "Stay. You know I'm sorry, I'm a brooding idiot. I've never talked to anyone about what's on my mind, my love, because it's always been too dangerous for me, for you, for anyone to know what resides in its depths."

I can see feel her working over her answer. Hermione’s nothing but a witch who must know she's doing the right thing. As my hands move to her shoulder I feel her quivering under my touch once more, though not for the joyful reasons she was earlier.

"I love you."  It feels like there should be a but at the end of her declaration. Her body goes rigid as she tells me this and I'm not certain what she means. Does it mean she loves me against her better judgement? Or it’s goodbye, as I've hurt her so badly, she no longer wants my touch. I massage her tense skin and lay my forehead against her curls. 

"I don't deserve it." What else can I say? I've ruined our first night together and I'm lucky she hasn't turned me into a foul, loathsome cockroach like she promised all that time before.

......……

I could kill him, I could bloody hex him until he writhed on the bloody floor. I admitted I love him, but he doesn't deserve it, Godrick, if I didn't, I'd have cursed him with Anteoculatia and left the swine with a set of antlers adorning his stupid blonde head like a crown. "Never a truer word was spoken!" God, I sound like a sodding harpy.

"Does that mean you've forgiven me?" He asks, and I want to tell him to sod off, that he'll never be forgiven, but I feel his hot breath on my neck and my libido decides to make an unwelcome appearance once more. Should I tell him it's over? Should I tell him he can take his moods and shove them up his proverbial?

"I trusted you with my feelings Draco, I'm not someone who speaks readily of such things, I’m not as strong on the inside as I appear on my outer shell." It sounded like a warning as it came from my lips, and it was in a way.

"I promise you, my spell of idiocy is over. Merlin, I want you and only you." He groans. His voice is filled with dark intentions and he thinks nipping at my earlobe and pinching my hips before grinding his erection into my bum is going to change my mind. Well, it certainly will not!

"Oh, God." My mouth betrays me as he reaches around, buries his hands under the wad of clothing I have clutched to me and tweaks my nipples, all while planting sweet kisses along my shoulder.

I won't miss you, I tell myself, I'm capable of getting along quite nicely without you, thank you very much, Draco Malfoy, I don't need you, you pig! "Oh, don't stop." I slap my hands onto the door before me as his hand inches lower and his deft fingers part my lower lips and circle my clit with his middle finger. I feel a bead of sweat release itself from my hairline and roll down between my shoulder blades as I shudder.

"Draco?" I pant.

"Yes, my love." He breathes.

"Make love to me, let’s make the pain go away for a little while." I know somehow of the battle he's gone through this evening, I how he suffers because of his decision to be with me, because it's the same one I've had over and over in my mind since we became involved. I don't have an answer to either situation, but I'm lifted from my feet and carried carefully back to the bed and decide the only answer is to see what love can do.

He places me down carefully, almost reverently, upon the bed, the cool cotton of the sheets does little to douse my fever.

"I love you, Hermione." Chills roll over me as he speaks my name in love.

"I love you too, my dragon," He's above me and his eyes glitter like the constellation he was named after, my dragon of the northern sky, "Never doubt that."

I see hunger in his eyes as we return to the same position as before all this confusion, and his lips are drifting across my clavicle, through the centre of my breasts, his tongue dips into my navel and I bite my lip as he circles it with his tongue, the muscles of my lower abdomen quivering as he laves lower and, "Oh, Merlin, Draco," lower, until his lips are before my outer lips, his heated breath on my mons with the fire of a serpent. At the first touch of the tip of his tongue my hips leave the bed and I grasp his hair with one hand and a handful of the sheet with the other, my voice filled with wanton lust as I blurt out, “All is fucking forgiven, if you don’t stop, please, just don’t stop what you’re doing, Draco.”

...….

I think I'm forgiven as I ready her again, my tongue lapping her, spelling out my name on her sweet nubbin. I need her so much I might just jizz in my trousers. Her moans, sweet Salazar, her perfect moans could undo a man.

She rises to the occasion again and her body is undulating before me, rippling as she shouts out her desire. She is so phenomenal I must have her now, I'm wound so tightly, just one move could have me ejaculate on the inside of my zipper. 

I hear her call my name for the third or fourth time that night, I'm in a state of arousal so high I'm almost hallucinating.  "I'm here, my pet, my only one." I murmur. Her hands outstretched bidding me to come to her in a lust filled haze.

"Draco, please, I want you to feel me, I want to feel you, I love you, please."

There was a time where hearing Hermione Granger beg would've given me a sense of self satisfaction in a rotten way, but now her voice rids me of the boy that once was, the boy who was afraid and hurt others because of it. He was gone because she'd forgiven me, this amazing and gorgeous Gryffindor princess had accepted me and she was asking me to make love to her, she wanted to make me a man.

The bed creaks as I place my knees between hers, "Are you ready?" I'm asking not only her but myself.

"If you keep me waiting any longer, I shall begin on my own." She retorts saucily, biting her lip with mirth.

"And if you carry on this way, I'll disgrace myself, you naughty lioness." I mutter, now above her, balanced on my elbows. Her brown eyes sparkle with low lit embers, drawing me in. 

"It's our time, this is for us, no one can take this from us." She pulls me in for a kiss and somehow it feels deeper than ever, more sensual and more like making love. 

My cock trembles as it brushes her entrance, and I push lightly into her folds. "I know, I k-know, this will be unpleasant at first..." She's surrounding me in every way possible and my skin is crackling and buzzing at her every move.

"Draco, please, do it before I lose my nerve." Her hands smooth over my rib cage to my hips and that does it, my skin prickles all over my body in the most delightful way and lightning races up and down my spine in anticipation. I do as she says and forge forward, stopping in fright as she gasps in pain and clutches the muscles of my upper arms so tightly her nails dig in. 

"Sweetheart?" Fuck she feels amazing, but I'm not one to go ahead and piston my cock into her if she's in pain. Actually, I'm not a wizard who'd do anything to a woman, I remind myself. Be gentle, don't move, let her lead, my head tells me.

"Um," she moves below me, adjusting her hips, she rocks them lightly and I suck my lower lip into my mouth, my eyes almost rolling back in my head. "I think it's OK."

I begin to move and feel her very essence surrounding me, her sweet utterances echoing around the chamber as my own core sparked like the tip of a wand, her nails scratching at my neck, my shoulders, digging into my arse, her scent and skin against me as our sweat mingles. My heart is almost glowing, and I feel like our magic melds, recognising our connection and causing raining stars within the room of requirement.

This, I hardly notice, as I began to lose reason, slamming my hands over hers, lacing my fingers between them, pulling them above her head, our fingers entwined. It's all so new, fuck, so different, nothing like I've ever experienced, it's like we are one, united, whole.

"Draco, oh, oh, Draco!"

She's trembling and calling my name and I can't hold on, I want to hear her shriek it again, it turns me on so much I think I might burst into flames. My mind is chanting her name, over and over, or am I saying it out loud? I don't know. My belly coils and I know I won't last and soon enough my body convulses, and pleasure erupts from my balls to my toes, those lower digits digging into the sheets as her legs cling to me and I release her hands. Her arms wrap around my neck, drawing my face to hers, it feels like the most intense magic I've ever felt as I cum inside the woman I love for the first time, spasming in our consummation. 

From the dark depths of pleasure comes light and I realise I'm chasing my breath over her, her eyes smiling and her face beaming with a myriad of pleasures. I fall to her side and lay my slick forehead on her breast, still breathing deeply, my hair plastered to my skull.

"This is what comes from not thinking, Draco, and much as I love knowledge, to keep you like this, I would lay my books down forever." She kisses my brow with a slow smile, and I sigh with exhaustion.

I smile, my lips against the tiny bumps of her areola as I tell her I love her again. If this what it takes for Hermione Granger to put down her precious books, I'll do it, but I know, in my heart, I'd never want her to do that for good, I know she's happy with a book in her hands, it’s what makes her truly her. I only hope I ever stand a chance of competing. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm afraid this one is a little angsty, but I promise you I'm a writer who is a sucker for a happy ending, so please don't fret.
> 
> I'm still updating as and when I can because of college. I promise I'll try to get another chapter to you soon. Thanks to everyone who reads, comments and lurks, you rock!
> 
> Another person who rocks, is my fantastic beta badwoldjedi who thinks this chapter is "WOW" Thanks my sweet! Hugs xx
> 
>  
> 
> …………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It's been weeks since I've been able to catch Hermione for even a bloody snog, she seems to be everywhere I am not. I want to bang my head against the stone wall of my dorm. Everything's going to shit and I'm feeling like a keg of gunpowder waiting to go off. She's ignored my notes in our place in the library and I've never been able to catch her alone.

Blaise has cornered me in the empty Slytherin common room and he's lounging in a wingback chair by the fire, his fingertips touching as he sighs as he watches me pace. I'm desperate and I don't know what to do. All I see is her friends in the great hall shooting me daggers while she tries to avoid my eye. I'm paranoid that she's told them what happened between us, that they’ve convinced her being with me is a bad idea and that's why she's stopped coming to meet me. I've never stopped loving her, she's my bloody everything and I know something has happened that's stopped her from seeing me.

"Are you going to tell me what in Salazar is going on with you, Malfoy?" Blaise relaxes and lays his head back against the chair, one leg moving to swing over the arm, his foot bouncing as he regards me.

"Blaise, what in Merlin are you going on about?" I snipe. There's nothing on earth that would make me tell him and I wonder why he's even asking.

"It's her, isn't it?" 

"Who?" I'm trying to remain nonchalant, but I'm concerned he knows something. 

"Do I really have to say it?"

"Yeah. Yeah, you do, mate." I tell him, as I won't out Hermione, I'd never do that to her.

"Merlin’s saggy bollocks, do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Why don't you, Zabini? Because, seriously, I have no idea what you're on about."

"Curly haired brunette, Gryffindor, eyes like warm amber, brightest witch in our year, want me to carry on?"

I look into the fire, remembering her face as she called out my name in our place. I ruffle my hair and sigh deeply. I bristle. Warm, fucking, amber? "Zabini, don't talk shite, why would I ever—?"

"No. You don't get away with it that easily. Stop talking shite for once in your life, Malfoy!" 

I look up to find his eyes on me, they're intense and righteous. He does know something. Fuck. I bite my lips and train my eyes on him. "What do you think you know?"

He shakes his head, "I have eyes, and you're playing with fire, mate. Did you think you could keep it a secret forever? You've been giving her moon eyes for weeks and when you look away, she's doing the same."

She is? Thank Salazar, she still cares, I'm so bloody relieved. I begin to put together some excuse when Blaise clears his throat. 

"The Malfoy I know would've sneered and protested immediately, he’d call Granger mudblood scum, he wouldn't go quiet and stare at the bloody fire. You've got it bad." He sighs, holding out his hand and looking at his fingernails.

"I would never touch—" I try to protest.

"Don't give me that crap, it doesn't become you," he retorts, rolling his eyes, "and anyway, she deserves better than a piece of crap Death Eater’s son who's part of the Inquisitorial Squad. She's a good girl and you don't deserve her."

I'm totally gobsmacked. Blaise mainly keeps his cards to himself and doesn't often speak out about anyone. I want to smash his face in for saying it, but he's right, I have to be truthful to myself for once.

"She is, and, no, I don't." I admit, carding my hands through my hair. I don't know if I can trust him with this information, but I know he's not involved with the inquisitorial squad, his father isn't involved with my father’s crew and he's shown distain for anyone who is. I also know I'm the only Slytherin he's spoken to in months, he keeps himself to himself mostly.

"You only have one chance, Draco. We both know Potters right, whatever the old bag, Umbridge says, the Dark Lord is back, and your father will drag you down if you let him." He stands and stretches, walking towards me and tilting his chin. "If you feel anything for her, you'll let her go." 

Blaise has known me since I was eleven and he’s always been the only one brave enough to call me out when I was being a twat. I've always been able to talk to him about stuff and he understood what I was trying to say, didn’t ask questions, he just listened. He's, strangely, always around when I feel like crap about myself and he tells it like it is, that's what I've always liked about him. This time though, I think he expects me to punch him for going too far, but all I feel is deflated. He heads towards the exit of the dorm with his back to me.

"I can't, she means too much." I blurt out. I want to know what he feels for Hermione, because a man like Zabini would never say something like that about her if he didn't care. Perhaps he had his eye on her before I got involved with her? Or perhaps he wants her now? I need to know because I'm not sure I could take it if she's dumped me and moved on. "But then, it looks like I'm not the only one who hasn't been honest here." I clench my fists; how dare he have a thing for my bloody girl.

He pauses with his hand on the door. "So, it's as I suspected?"

"She hasn't come to me in weeks," I don't know why I'm admitting this, I'm just so tired of missing her, "I can't just walk up to Hermione Granger in front of everyone and tell her I need her. Even if I could, it's like I don't exist to her anymore."

He chuckles, "I very much doubt that, I overheard Longbottom and one of the Patil twins chatting about how awful she looks, there was a full description of how she has dark rings around her eyes, doesn't sleep and all she does is read in their dorm. Patil said they heard her crying the other night." 

"I looked for her in the library, she was always there before, this is not like her." I clasp my hand over my mouth and rub my jaw, feeling the stubble of my unshaven chin. I've let myself go, those nights of drinking illicit fire whiskey in bed to try to forget how miserable I am have got to me.

He turns towards me, his dark eyes flashing a challenge in a way no other Slytherin has ever dared and he walks back to me in a few carefully placed steps with his hands in his pockets. "Do you blame anyone for seeking solace in their dorm when things are as they are here? Draco, what's happening here in the school, what you’re a part of, is blood superiority. You're allowing your fellow students to be tortured by the Ministry bitch and that is—oh, fuck Draco—what is wrong with you?" Then he points between us both. "You and I have the same blood, and so does every walking witch, wizard and muggle on this sodding planet, it all runs red. Don't tell me you're stupid, because I won't believe it! What you are now is no gentleman and your high-born manners are lost on you because you allow yourself to believe in something that isn't real. All I can say is, get a bloody grip on yourself before it's too late!" With that he's striding to the door once more. He pauses, like he's struggling to make a decision. "You know, I expected better of you, Draco, after everything your fathers put you through. Regardless, I'll have Granger meet you in the library tomorrow night at quarter to eight, you can tell her why you're doing what you're doing because I don't think I'll ever understand. Don't be late."

He leaves, slamming the door behind him and I feel like I'm drowning. I can't understand why I'm involved in this shit either. I'm haunted by everything I've ever done, I hear the shrieks of younger students in my head when I try to get to sleep at night and I want to run away with my girl and never come back, just to leave it all behind. Hermione promised me everything and I promised her more. It seems we might both have to understand there's no more time to escape and watch the stars, or to show her my constellation by the side of the Black Lake, like we discussed while safe in each other's arms. We might both have to realise this is the end of our tunnel of love because I'm irredeemable, I have to be if it's been pointed out to me by someone whose family loyalties have always lay between the devil and the deep blue sea.

An owl pecks at the window and I lift my head from my hands. It's Noctis, my eagle owl with message tied to each leg, one appears to be hastily attached with pink string.

I rush to open the badly wrapped note on his leg and unfurl it with trembling fingers. 

"I'll always love you. Meet me on the Astronomy Tower tonight at midnight. H."

I throw my weekly letter from my parents aside, and the chair makes a thump as I drop heavily into it. It looks like Zabini's unwanted assistance wasn't required, but now I'm worried, without him to stick up for me, to tell Hermione I've never really been the person she though before she met me, she might not understand or believe how much I love her. I'm frantic and I need to get to her. For her to commandeer my own owl on its journey to deliver my parents weekly letter, she must've been desperate, and her words, sweet Salazar, for her to say she'll always love me, it feels like she's trying to say goodbye.

I pace, anxiety rushing through my veins. It's only nine, and I wish away time, trying to read a potions book until I hear the sound of my dorm mates flooding back from whatever evening activities they've been partaking in up until now. 

Zabini walks in and heads straight to his room, ignoring me as Pansy curls her arms around my neck. "Draco, sweetie, we missed you. Umbridge wanted to know where her number one was. I told her you had a boo boo."

Nott and Crabbe snicker as I push her off and she lands with a thud on the couch. I don't have the energy to make an excuse for my nasty behaviour to a friend I've had since a child and I head to bed. If I have to wait, at least I can pretend I'm tired. 

..................

Things have been crazy recently and I've been watched like a hawk. I've tried to leave notes, tried to catch Draco’s eye in class and tell him I couldn't meet him but every time I tried, someone has wanted to talk to me, or I’ve noticed Zabini watching me. I think he might be on to us, but he’s never done anything other than stare, so I don’t feel too concerned.

Harry's been more distant than usual, and our work with the DA has made it so all the members seek out Ron and I at the most inconvenient of times, wanting to talk about their spells and show how they’ve mastered wand control. The attention is flattering but I haven't been alone in weeks and I miss Draco, Godrick, I burn for him and want him badly. 

It's got to the point that I've watched him every day and noted the time in the week when his owl arrived, the same day every week, along with the same dull reaction from Draco over breakfast as he tosses the letter aside.

It isn’t the first time I'd seen his spectacular owl arrive as I hide in the owlery, observing as it landed after dark, ready to deliver its letter over breakfast the following morning. A gust of wind causes me to shiver as I watch the majestic bird taking its place along with the other owls who eye him fearfully. I gather the courage to approach him this time. I'd chickened out once before, worried I'd be pecked at and sent on my way. The spectacular creature has a sneer, almost like its young owner, and his presence is intimidating. But when get the courage to approach, I see recognition in his eyes and he chirps a greeting, his wings opening wide before he settles with a small wiggle on his perch. I expect it would feel some sort of blood hatred for me, but he seems to be a sweet creature, allowing me to give him a treat and ruffle the feathers of his head before cocking his head as I smooth down a few ruffled feathers over his brow.

"Will you allow me to send a message to Draco, sweet boy?" I murmur and I smile as he blinks continuously and leans to touch my open palm with his beak, almost bowing nobly. He reminds me of Hedwig who I see eying me with contempt up on her perch above, like I'm a traitor and she peers at Draco's bird like he’s an interloper. I attach my note and tell him thank you, in awe as he takes flight immediately and swoops down towards the Dungeons, his wing span looks to be around six feet across.

Feeding Hedwig an apologetic treat, I think about Draco and his home life, I want to vomit as I realise the poor animal could have its neck broken by Lucius, just for interacting with me. I just hope he’s not found out.

I can't do this anymore. I love Draco, but things have changed, and we know Umbridge is close to catching the DA.  Draco's part in that has begun to grate on me. I know I said I could cope with it before, and that his excuse for being part of the squad was a valid one. I hoped he'd protect me, or at least try to give us a chance and I have to say, I feel betrayed every time we have to find another way not to be caught. I know it isn't his fault but, however much I love him, I can't sit around and wait for him to stab my friends in the back, or me—me who loves him with every fibre of my being and would protect him at all costs. I don’t think he’d inform on me, but I worry he may not have a choice one day and end up ratting us out.

I make my way to the Astronomy Tower and wait. There's something about this view, it's so beautiful in the crisp clean air, with the moon lighting up the never ending black of the lake as it dips between the mountains. A tear trails down my cheek, and however amazing this view is, I wish I didn't have to be here.

She's standing with her hands gripping the rail when I walk quietly up behind her on the Astronomy Tower. I hear her snuffle and watch as she reaches up to wipe her cheeks. She's been crying.

"So, this is it. It's over, just like that?" I know this is why I'm here, and my belly feels like it's just dropped through the floor, followed swiftly by my bloody heart.

Her back is shaking, but she doesn't turn, she's sobbing but she won't look at me. I don't know what to do, I want to cross the space between us and take her in my arms. I want to tell her my heart is breaking, that I'll be anything she wants me to be, do anything she asks, but I can't, because I know that will be a lie. My father, he has me wriggling like a bug under his thumb and however much I try to make excuses to her, it'll never be enough because I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to keep the promises she needs from me. She deserves to live in the light and I'm always going to live my life in the dark, or the grey at best, and I hate myself for it.

"I'm sorry, this is all-it's just too much, I'm being pulled in so many directions I can't cope anymore. I-I—I thought I could, thought I could live with our secret. There are things I-I can't tell you, how can we be together when I can't be honest, Draco?"

"I can't be truly honest with you either, but the one thing I will always be honest with you about, whatever happens, Hermione, is how much I love you, my love. I can be honest and tell you that will never change, whether you end it here and we walk away." I tentatively walk up behind her and gently bunch my hand in her hair, its silky strands running through my fingers. Her neck automatically drops to the side, awaiting my kiss and she sighs deeply, hiccupping as she blows out a deeply held breath. "If this is the end let me look into your eyes while you say it, I won't believe it otherwise, too much has happened between us for you to just tell me it's over like this." Tears well in the corner of my eyes and I clench my jaw to bite them back, I won't let her see me cry, I’d die first.

I don't want to let her go. I want to see her smile at me again, only for me, to laugh or giggle at something I've said, to let out that beautiful moan as she comes undone for me. I want to run my fingers through her gorgeous and crazy head of hair. I just want her, and I know watching her from across the great hall will never be enough for me, not having her pull me to her in a loving caress will never be enough. If she ends this, I'll feel like I've lost everything dear to me and I want to scream and cry and tell her all this, but I doubt it would help. Salazar, but I wish it would.

..............

This is the end, I'm swept away by a myriad of painful emotions as I hold my breath to tell him so. The sky could fall and crush us both and I know I would crumble less, that it would cause less damage than what I am about to say to him. I can't do this anymore, I want so much to be with him, I want to take his hand in mine, to face everything our future has to throw at us with him, but I know it's not possible, he can't be with me and I can't be with him either. 

Harry.

My loyalty to my best friend still draws me to make a choice between my lover and him, because Harry needs me, and Draco will manage. He will manage because he is stronger than he thinks. I know things have been strained between us but now the DA has picked up, we're ready for an attack and I can't risk myself. If anyone ever found out, I would look like a traitor. It sounds selfish but it really isn’t, all I want is to seek the solace of Draco’s arms and lie to my friends, but I have to remember that if we have to fight alongside the order, they will never trust me again if they find out I’ve been involved with a Death Eater’s son.

Sitting in the dorm with my best friends in front of the fire last night and tried to explain why Cho Chang felt the way she did about Harry, why she cried about Cedric and but still wanted Harry. Christ, neither Ron, nor Harry could understand why she might feel conflicted, and Ron thought being snogged might cheer her up, this is the emotional level I'm dealing with. If I revealed I knew anything more than just about snogging they'd have wanted to know more, they’d want to know who I'd been with and Ron wouldn’t let it go until he knew.

I wanted to blurt out to my best friends that I was frightened about being caught out, that I loved Draco so much I thought I might die without him, that if anyone found out I'd be ostracised from my own house and my friends and I'd be forever thought of as a defector. I don't want to end this, but I have to. I must do it before it's too late and I fall so deeply I won’t make any clear decisions. I hate being me at this moment, I hate how my friends dropped me and went off to do their own thing, then picked up with me so easily once they needed my help, telling me I’m the brains of the outfit, that they couldn’t do it without me. I’m irrevocably torn, because I know they could do it again and I’d have no one, not even Draco. He’s not going to understand this, nor do I blame him. 

It begins to rain, and I feel speckles of the Scottish drizzle land on my hands as I grip the rail. I want to scream Draco's name into the darkness, to let the water obliterate the flames inside me. I feel something extinguish in the depths of my heart when I hear his footsteps behind me, because I've tried to block my love out. I know it's still there, but it’s like I've smothered it with brown paper and flames will sear their way through as soon as I look at him. So, I don’t.

He's watching me and not speaking. He knows what I'm about to say, I can feel it. There's a link between us that I feel twinge, like it might almost snap as I brace myself to say what I need to. Too many things have happened for me to carry on seeing him. I feel like a traitorous bitch.

"We could be more careful, we could meet somewhere else? Make it less frequent?" His breath over my neck causes a rush of goosepimples along my back and an ache to coil in my belly. Two weeks has been so long I wanted to fuck the rules and find a way to get into his dorm in the night, to wake him up by sucking his cock and then ride him into oblivion with a well casted muffilato.

"We'll be caught, whatever you suggest, Draco, we'll be caught by someone. Somebody always notices." I utter as I feel his lips planting urgent kisses over my shoulder. Like Blaise.

"I can give you a portkey, I can do that, my father would give me one, no questions asked, I—"

"No!" I yell before I even think. "No," I say softly this time, and I turn to him caressing his jaw with the tips of my fingers, "You can't involve your father in any of this, it's too risky and I won't put you in that position."

He licks his lips, his eyes on mine. "I'll do anything you want, just don't end this, please Hermione. You're the only person who understands me, Blaise said he'd help, he said—" Draco clearly realises he's made a mistake as when I flinch and pull away from him.

"This is exactly what I mean, Draco, you've told him, and we’re compromised already!" I walk back to the rail, "He could tell anybody, don't you understand?" So, I was right, Blaise does know. First him, then how many others?

"He guessed!" Draco roars, walking away with his fingers interlaced on the back of his neck and then returning, his eyes flashing "He sodding well guessed and I wished I could obliviate one of my best friends because he knew, do you know how that feels?"

"Of course, I know how that feels!" I screech, turning to him. How could he even dare to ask me if I know how it feels? We've been seeing each other behind the backs of everyone who trusts us both for months.

He shakes his head, his floppy hair falling over his face as he looks over into the distance, the moonlight stark against his pale features. "How could you choose such a beautiful night to do this, Hermione?" He's striding towards me, and then he's in my personal space, vibrating with anger. "I see, you didn't forget to wear a skirt. Were you expecting one last shag for old time’s sake?" He says, his voice so sharp it cuts through my heart like a dagger. He toys with the edge of my school tie, pulling it tightly, his eyelashes fluttering before he looks up to meet my eyes. "Blaise said your eyes were like warm amber, but do you know what I think? I think they look like the eyes of a cold hearted and selfish bitch who values her friends over the man she said she loved!" 

I look to the floor because I can't bear to see the look of pure anger in his eyes and I realise he isn't finished as he continues his tirade, ignoring the tears dropping through the slats of the floor as I begin to sob. I expected his wrath, I know how his mind works, how he protects himself from hurt and I know how cruel he can be, I've felt the lash of his tongue many times since we’ve both been at Hogwarts. I know he's in pain, but I am too, can't he understand that? He regards me with unmerciful eyes when I don't reply, and I see his hand twitch like he wants to reach for me.

"You're welcome to your mates, Granger, in fact, you shag Potter, Weasley and anyone you want, you fucking—" Then he breaks down, huge sobs wrack his body and I take him into my arms, telling him I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry as his breath hitches against my neck. I want to take it back, but I can't allow myself to.

Eventually he calms and he sniffs leaning into me, his wet cheek against mine as he kisses the cusp of my mouth. "I always knew you weren't mine forever. You might've told me so, but I knew this had to end someday, Hermione. Telling you I love you would never have been enough, I always knew that. You’re meant for great things and I—well I’m meant for, bloody hell, we all know what I’m meant for, you only need to look at my family to know."

The floodgates open again and I'm sobbing. "I meant what I said, I'll always love you, I just can't be with you, not like this." 

He nods, taking a step back and holding me at arms-length, looking unsure of himself, now and wiping his face, as if he’s trying to wipe away any evidence of emotion.

"Will you promise me something?" I ask more urgently than I intend.

He raises an eyebrow but doesn't speak.

“Draco?” I tip his chin, so his eyes meet mine. "Will you promise me not to do anything stupid, nothing your father involves you in? I couldn't bear to watch if you—"

He places his forefinger on my lips, and nods, his look intense as he stands back and looks over every part of me from top to toe, like he's trying to commit me to memory. He turns sharply on his heel and walks away, his hand gripping the guiding rail of the steps, as if he needs it to steady himself. 

I want to call after him, to tell him to defect, to tell Umbridge to stick the squad up her pink tweed skirt and swivel, but I can’t ask him to do that. After all, if he could be with me, he would’ve told me so before he left.

I wait until he's out of sight before I wrap my arms around myself and go to sit on the edge of the tower, my feet dangling over the edge. The moon is dissolved by clouds and I feel like my heart has dissipated along with it, letting out the pain in a silent scream before I go back to pretend everything is normal.

Nobody will know I’ve just done the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life, and I’ll make sure they don’t, they won’t see me cry. I’ll just plaster on the face of a happy Hermione Granger, pull my bloody socks up and get on with it.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things begin to change in this chapter. Draco is desperate to make the changes he knows Hermione needs to be with her.
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> Thank you to my amazing beta, Badwolfjedi <3

My brow is slick with sweat as I arrive in the library at quarter to eight on the night after my heart was smashed to pieces. I didn't want to leave my dorm, but I had to know whether she'd be here, waiting for me, telling me she was sorry, she was wrong, that she could be with me and all would be right with the world again. Except that was a pipe dream and all I see is Blaise lounging in a desk in the back, avoiding Pince, with his long legs propped up on the table and a book in his hands. 

My day has been hideous. Hermione was absent from potions and I only snatched a few dream haunted hours of sleep the night before, filled with her face as my mind battled desperately to fathom the gravity of what had just happened between us. Exhaustion aside, if I didn't get up and plaster a brave face on, I wouldn't even be here, nor would I go to my classes for the rest of term. I'd just draw the modesty curtains of my bed, burrow under the covers and waste away like a desperate fool for love. One thing roused me, and it was the thought of not passing my OWLs. My father will be on the warpath and severe punishments will be presided over by Lucius, Lord of Hades, during the holidays.

I don't even have to look at Blaise to know he had no luck asking Hermione to meet me. I already knew it wasn't going to happen. There will be no Hermione stepping out from behind the stacks, smiling through her tears as she apologises and begs my forgiveness. If she did, it wouldn't take a second for me to yield to her, to wrap her in my arms and whisper how I love her, how I've never loved the bones of any other so much as I've loved my beautiful girl. So, I have to accept, anything I had with her is obliterated and I'm a miserable wreck, a sorry state of a man without her. I hide my disappointment as best I can and shoot a jibe at Blaise tiredly. "That book’s upside down, and it's a sodding Veela romance," I bark at him, throwing my bag on the desk between us, "If you're going to tell me you're a Veela and Hermione dumped me for you, then I'm going to rip you and your sodding wings into tiny pieces and throw you through this stained-glass window." I inform him less nastily than I mean to. I don't have the energy to be more than a grumpy, broken hearted cretin and Blaise is as good a target as any for my abundance of ire.

He chuckles and it annoys me more, so, purse my lips and open some book that looks like it has words in it as I try to focus. It's only then I hear him speak solemnly. "It didn't go well then? When you met her?"

My hands clutch my book so hard that my fingernails imprint half-moons in its pages. "Does it look like it went well?" I retort, bile flooding my stomach at the reminder of my failure to keep a hold of the only person I ever loved. Barely controlling my anger, I want to dive across the desk at him, but I keep my substantial, Malfoy, cool. I look up at him, knowing my eyes are suspicious, how the bloody hell does he know it didn’t? "You tell me how you know!" I hiss, slamming my hands on the desk with a deafening bang.

"Is everything alright here?" Pince rounds the corner, as she re-shelves piles of books, her wand flicking in various directions as the tombs float back into place.

"Madam Pince, I apologise, I was so engrossed in this book, I almost dropped it at a particularly, err, steamy part." Blaise grins at the middle-aged librarian as he points at the book. I can't help but look up and appreciate Blaise's easy way with women as he tips her a cheeky wink. She blushes when she notices what he's reading.

"Oh, well, err, Mr. Zabini, that isn't a library book, it's one of my personal collection. If I could have it back when you're finished then I'd be very appreciative, I'm so sorry, I don't know how it could've made its way into general circulation."

Stupid witch doesn’t even mention Blaise’s new skill of inverse reading, she just flushes with embarrassment.

"Of course, Madam, I promise to return it in—peak—condition. And I'll ensure I don't bend the corner of pages over in order to revisit the good parts later." The attractive older witch bites her lip and scuttles away, calling over her shoulder, "See that you don't, Zabini." I can't help but chuckle, momentarily forgetting my shitty situation because Blaise looks as smug as hell.

"So, was I right?" He says gently, not answering my question as to how he knew.

I glance up and he looks sad and regretful, I must look a sorry state for him to garner that from just looking at me. Fuck. Is this how people look when they show regret? It's not something I see often, most people are happy to get one over on Draco Malfoy, not that it happens often without dire retribution. "I think you know the answer to that, Zabini, so why don't you sod off and leave me alone?"

"Pince is a good fuck." He stretches both arms above his head, interlacing his fingers on the back of neck, his foot tapping lightly as he gauges my reaction. 

"She's a teacher!" I hiss, so shocked my face cracks with an unexpected smile and I almost fall off my chair as I begin to laugh. I've heard tales of many a Slytherin escapade but nothing as priceless as this.

"Theoretically, she's a member of the teaching staff, not a professor, and she's really quite lovely under her brisk exterior, anyway it's not as if I'm shagging McGonagall." He smiles, waggling his eyebrows.

"Fuck, that's a vision I can't un-see, Zabini." I shake my head wishing I knew how to scourgify my brain. I suppress an unmanly giggle, realising all this emotional crap has left me close to a strange kind of hysteria. "I suppose it explains why you haven't been around much recently." 

"Perhaps." He lowers his eyes, placing his arms on the desk and his chin on the top of steepled fingers. "I think you'll find that I've made friends in places I never thought I would."

"Hermione?" I sneer, I have to know if he wants her too.

"One of many, but it's not like that. She's a beautiful girl, but I knew she was yours as soon as I saw you look at each other."

I don't ask how, but he's an observant guy, he's already proved that. "Then tell me, why are you here? What do you think you know?"

"It's not what I think I know, it's what I've been involved in."

"Stop talking in riddles." I demand, my temper simmering just below the surface. My shoulders ache from the stress of the past few days and I roll my neck irritably, attempting to ease the pain.

"Ha! Riddles, that is so close to the knuckle, it’s amusing. I met Luna at the beginning of term. Now, there's a beautiful girl."

What in Salazar's fuck is he getting at? Riddle? The Dark Lord? He already said he's back yesterday, like I needed the reminder. "Lovegood, you mean the crazy one, the blonde whose father runs the Quibbler?"

"Yeah, the very same. She's going to marry me, she told me once, and I have to say I believe her. She said I needed to find my way to her, and she fully expected I would know my way around a woman when I did. It was bloody odd mate, but when she touched my face, I felt my magic meld with hers in a way I haven't with any other witch. Strangely, as I attempted to kiss her, she sent me away, telling me I needed to get rid of my infestation of Nargles first. That aside, she later sought me out to join an organisation, one which is being run right under Umbridge’s nose by the boy who lived, the saviour of the wizarding world, Harry Potter himself." 

I jolt. This is the illicit meeting Umbridge has been so desperate to identify. Filch has had the squad out night after night trying to catch them and the old, smelly, squib has made it his one and only aim in life to get them. I know because I've been dragged along with him as part of my duties, watching the old bastards sneering face as he thinks he's getting closer. "Saint Potter." I mumble, my teeth biting my pursed lips as I remember he was the one my girl chose over me. Except she didn't, not really, she chose the light over digging her own grave by being caught with me, I have to give her some credence for that, however much it hurts.

"Of course, where Potter goes, soon follow Weasley and Granger." His chocolate brown eyes are on mine and I sense he's awaiting my reaction.

"What do you want? Do you want to take me along to a meeting and watch Potter Avada his first person ever? Because I'm telling you, he would, and if he didn't, then the weasel would."

"No, that's not it at all. I'm asking you to find a way to get Filch to lay off for a bit, give us some time. They've allowed one snake in, they might understand you and your princess later if you actively do something to help now. Look, just try to come along to the meeting and see what happens."

Yeah, like that’s going to happen, the Slytherin Prince in the lion’s den with his fucking head in its mouth. "I don't give a fuck about Potter."

"Nobody's asking you to, he gets on my nerves with his holier than thou attitude, and in different times I might never have considered Luna’s offer either. All I'm saying is somethings brewing, I can't put my finger on it, but if we don't get on the right side now, mate, then we might as well leave the country, or the planet. Potters taught me some spells—" 

I growl and fling my book aside, "Because of course he thinks he knows better than us! We've been taught magic by the best since we were old enough to walk!"

"No, not this magic. Look, he's a good teacher, mate, he's taught me how to cast my first Patronus. It's way beyond what we've been taught here or by our families. Death Eaters are not supposed to be able to cast them, Draco, that's why we were never taught." He pauses. "Come on, get your head out of your arse. It's a skill, it would make it possible for you to talk to Hermione, warn her of danger, all you need is to be able to think your happiest thought. If you truly love her—"

How, fucking, dare he! I'll never stop loving her, even if I'm trying my best not to hate her pissing guts right now. "Then I'll learn." I answer for him. It was, after all, what he was trying to say. I grip the edge of the desk as Pince returns to tell us the library is closing, shooting Blaise a sly smile, her head cocking slightly to indicate he should follow her. 

I gather my books and head out, leaving him loitering, but not before he grasps me by the arm and pulls me back for one last word.

"If you love her, you'll do this, she might need you or you might need her one day and you know she'll come to you. Can you say you'll do the same? Or will you be a coward, Malfoy, like we all know your father is, carrying on his support for a man who may or may not return because he’s terrified of the consequences?" He releases me. He's being honest and I would launch a thousand hexes on him if I didn't trust what he was saying is true. I'm glad Snape taught me Occlumency, as this conversation, if Umbridge ever caught me, or even Blaise for that matter, would be our downfall. 

I let out a melodramatic sigh, I can’t be bothered to argue, I just want to pinch some dreamless sleep potion from the Infirmary and forget everything. "There's no doubt about it, mate, you keep my secret and I'll keep yours."

"Then I'll get you an in. I'll talk to Potter and have him meet you tomorrow night. I don't think I have to tell you that this is your one and only chance, do I?" 

I pause, I want to tell him to fuck off and tell Potter to fuck off too, but for her, I'm only taking time to think for her. "Alright, you tosser, I'll do it for her, but you tell Potter I won't get on my knees for him."

"If only he was so lucky." Blaise chuckles, clapping me on the back as he walks off towards Pinces' office.

..........

I stand and watch as Filch hammers in the notice that Umbridge had replaced Dumbledore as the Head of Hogwarts and my heart is breaking, not only have I lost my first and only love, I've now lost the man I looked up to over any other, that is apart from my own father. Harry was there in Dumbledore’s office, watching as he apparated in the blaze of Phoenix flames after the DA were caught. Because of this, we weren't punished by the Ministry. Dumbledore admitted, albeit falsely, that the DA organisation was his fault and bought us some time.

For some reason, Draco wasn't with the inquisitorial squad when we were found, and I noticed Blaise Zabini also was absent from that nights DA meeting Luna had pleaded with us to allow him to join.

When we were caught, she made her way to me and placed a hand on my face tenderly, before saying, "They did this for love, they know we have learned so much by being here, Hermione. The diamondback slave will, because he wasn't, the sidewinder will, because he was." In the chaos, I shrugged it off as simply something Looney Lovegood might say, but afterwards I wondered if she might have meant something I should've grasped, and I found myself turning it over in my mind as I lay wide awake on my bed.

I need to try to sleep, perhaps that's why none of it makes sense. I didn't sleep a wink last night from the pain in my heart, reliving the look on Draco’s face as I ended things between us. I just ache so deeply I can't be sure who I am anymore, pain twisting every thought. I feel like my stomach has taken a trip in the lift of the Shard building in London and hasn't ever returned, like it's still dropping, and it might finally land in hell, burned to a crisp, with no chance of ever returning to its rightful place.

I want to know how Draco is, what he's thinking, feeling, whether he still cares for me now I've ended things between us. I want him to care, deep down I want him to pine after me like I am for him, but I know he's more likely to be thundering through the school, trying to find a way to wreak his vengeance on anyone he comes across, not longing for me like I do for him. I've never been a fool in that regard, I think I know him well enough now his reactions. Anyone who’s been hurt knows it goes one way or the other, wallowing in pain or breathing fire upon all you survey, like a furious dragon. He's most likely the latter and I'm the last person he'll want to see. Still, I can't push away the fact my soul is on fire for him and I wonder if I'll ever love anyone the way I love him.

...…

"No! Absolutely not!" How could she even ask me to do this? I’m Harry Potter and Malfoy, Godrick sodding, Gryffindor, he’s the only person I hate second to Voldemort, well, perhaps he’s after his Death Eater father and his mates, but still.

"Harry, this is something you have to do, it's more important than anything, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't." Luna’s voice is like a sweet, gentle caress and I can’t help but acquiesce to her tender tone.

I feel sorry for shouting as she places a tender touch on my arm, her blonde hair tossed sweetly over her shoulder. If I didn't love Ginny as I do, Luna would come a close second in my affections. I can't include Hermione as she's my best friend and I feel nothing sexually for her, but Luna's always been a good friend, crazy as she is and she is very pretty. "But it's Malfoy and he's not worth it!" I try to lower my voice, seething as I glance at Zabini, who is looking sternly over Luna's shoulder. Bloody Slytherins, hiding behind a woman's skirts! 

The funny thing about Luna is that she doesn't flinch, she seems to know what's coming and she stands and takes whatever I throw at her. I feel bad now, I don't want to act this way, she's my friend but she's really asking too much of me this time.

"If you ask him, Harry, he'll tell you why, I promise you. You trust me, don't you?"

"Luna—bloody hell, you know I do, but this is too much to ask, he’s part of the IS, for Merlin’s sake!." 

"Even so, Harry, I am asking, as your friend, I would never put any of us in danger, in fact, it is to protect us all that I ask you." Her hands are gripping mine and I feel myself yield. She’d better not be using a accede spell to make me yield. I know she isn’t, she’s just—Luna.

"Luna, you're killing me." I sigh and shake my head, I can’t say no to her.

"So, is that a yes, Harry?" She smiles prettily and reaches to grip Blaise's neck behind her head. He stares at me in anticipation.

"Sod-it, Luna. But if either of you tell anyone about this, I will kill you both with my bare hands." I retort, running my hands through my hair. What the fuck am I getting myself into?

Luna laughs happily and kisses my cheek.

........

This is probably the worst idea Blaise has ever had, and if I weren’t involved with Hermione, I’d have told him to go fuck himself. My palms are sweaty as I wait outside the Room of Requirement at midnight, because this time I’m not waiting for her, this time I’m waiting to be allowed entrance by the boy I've bullied at every given opportunity since we arrived at Hogwarts and he didn’t accept my offer of friendship. Yes, I know I’m a total git, but then he’s not the only one I bullied, Merlin, the amount of times I took the piss out of Hermione’s hair, her buck teeth or her inability to keep her mouth shut in class are innumerable and I regret that deeply now that hateful and childish side is no longer me. I confess it’s just a façade I kept up to keep people on side. I want to do this for her but I have to face Potter, and regardless of whether I hate his guts and he hates mine, I'm waiting for him to give me the go ahead to be in his presence and I'd rather bend over and show my arsehole to the whole school, that's how much it sucks.

Luna leaves the room with Blaise in tow. "Good luck." He grins, looking trite as Luna takes his hand and tuts.

I see Potter at the door, he holds it open, his face impassive as he ushers me in. I see Luna wave with a smile as she walks away with Blaise and I turn to walk through the door.

All this feels somewhat akin to being sent to the Headmasters office to be punished, but I don't have much more time to think on that as Potter has me pinned against the door, his hand pushing my larynx into my throat with his wand against my temple.

“I didn’t know you cared for breath play, Potter.” I just had to say that. What the fuck is wrong with me? Can’t I just keep my mouth shut for once in my life? For her?

"I don't trust you, Malfoy, I can't even tell you why I’ve allowed you here, but you'd better drop your wand now." 

Oo-Kay, but I do it for her, not for this fucking twat. "I'm not doing this for you, Potter, perhaps you should—" I struggle to breathe as his fingers clutch my throat harder, "Should d-drop yours too, that's if you want to have a sensible conversation and not hex each other to death!" I sneer with a hiss.

He releases his grip and his hand falls to his side, and he places his wand in his pocket. I rub my throat, trying to get my breath back under control and do the same. The blokes a sodding lunatic and I wonder how people think he's the saviour of the wizarding world if he's ready to lay hands on a fellow student like this. I always bullied and I know I was a bastard, but I never actually touched anyone, that’s what Crabbe and Goyle were for. Personally, my words were always enough to make most piss their pants.

I wonder what Hermione might make of the situation, her precious Potter manhandling the man she claims to love, even though she dumped me like I was worthless. Yes, I’m still hurt and bloody angry with her, but I would die for her too, I try to hate myself for it but I can’t, its why I’m here after all.

We're both silent for a few minutes and Potter walks to the centre of the room, clearing a few leftover school jumpers to the side and throwing them onto a chair. 

"So, tell me why I should do this for you, Malfoy, because there is absolutely no reason in my mind for me to help you. The only reason you're here is because of Luna, and her strange affiliation with Blaise. If it were down to Ron and Hermione, who don't know anything about this, by the way, they'd tell me to run a mile from you, not teach you magic which could help you fight against us when the time comes."

"I know, Potter. I deserve your suspicion, and I don’t rightly know why I’m here, other than at Luna and Blaise’s insistence." I sigh dramatically, my eyes looking at the ceiling.

"That you do, Malfoy. Do you know how many times my best friend cried her eyes out over you? She never told me, but Lavender and Parvati told me she'd cry in her sleep over the mud blood slur you called her, but do you know what?"

I shake my head. Potter knows nothing of what we talked about together, the apologies I made, the times I went over and over it in my mind, telling myself what a bastard I was to her, how I knew the consequences of my behaviour and he had no reason to reiterate it.

Potters eyes are glistening, and it feels like he’s almost peering into my soul with his green eyes. Its unsettling.

"She got up every morning, of every day and she smiled. She told us off and she read her books until her eyes were bloodshot, answered all the questions in class, stuff I could never hope to remember, and she never let you get to her. She's filled with a fire you could never contemplate. So, consider how much she knows now, how powerful she is, if you ever dare break my trust because I’ll have her hex you with spells you could never imagine. This isn't first year, when you thought you were better than anyone else, this is your chance to do the right thing and I'm loath to give you it. You consider yourself lucky to be here, I have many more important people to help than you."

What can I say? Can I say I know how she illuminates my life? How her smile lights up? That we've talked about all this already and I promised I'd never hurt anyone like that again. No. I can't tell him why I'm here at all. "I'm here because I'm sick of the cries of little kids invading my brain when I try to get to sleep, because Umbridge needs to be throttled and thrown out of Hogwarts and her bloody tea sets smashed in the courtyard and because I need to—" Harry's eyes are on me, like he's waiting for me to slip up. I clutch my fists tightly, "I'm here because Blaise said you gave him a chance. I don't want to be like this anymore. I have my reasons and you'll have to allow me some discretion as to what they are, at least. All I can say is I don't want to be my father, I want nothing less."

Harry's seemed pacified and he walked to where my wand lay on the floor, picking it up and throwing it to me. "This isn't the easiest spell to master, you need to seek your happiest memory and, no offence, Malfoy, that can't be the time you grassed me up to McGonagall." He smirked, seeming to have accepted what I said.

I take a deep breath and relax slightly, but still on my guard. I have to admit, it feels curiously nice to have Potter smirk at me like we might be friends. If I wasn’t a jealous, entitled little arsehole that first time we met, perhaps we could’ve actually been friends.

So, I close my eyes, my happy thought is so much better than that. He ignores the fact I haven't answered and continues to tell me a little more about the spell before waving his wand.

As I see the dementor come towards me, my mind momentarily takes a break. I see the most terrifying sight coming for me and it's almost on me before my brain kicks in, "Expecto Patronam!" I yell, trying not to flinch as it comes for me, "Expecto—" I try to shout again, but a vague white light at the tip of my wand is the last thing I see before darkness envelops me.

I come around and I'm on the floor with Potter crouching as he holds a piece of chocolate in my face. I reckon he did that on purpose and I probably deserved it, he must’ve known I wasn’t ready.

"I’ll be honest. I didn't make the others face them when they practiced, but you'll have the pleasure of meeting dementors in the future if you don't get your arse in gear, Malfoy. Terrifying, aren't they? Imagine living in Azkaban with them as your guards." I expect him to sneer at me, but his eyes are only softly questioning. "Eat the chocolate, it’ll make you feel better, then let's go again. Think of your best memory, something you want to revisit again and again until you die."

I know it already. It's not the time I make Hermione cum for the first time, or even the first time she allows me to be with her. It's when she asks me to make love to her.

_"Make love to me, let’s make the pain go away for a little while."_

Always, always my love, I repeat over and over in my mind as the cloaked, demented arsehole comes closer. He will not have me, I'm a Malfoy and Malfoys don’t bend to the will of lesser prison guards, she wants me to take her pain away.

_"Draco, Make love to me.”_ I hear her voice once more in my head, its ingrained on my soul, of that I’m sure.

Harry steps back as my Patronus launches its way from the tip of my wand, blasting away the darkness. I fall back on the floor as a large, silken, silver dragon circles the room and Harry staggers toward the window ledge, bracing himself against it as he watches the creature with awe. I’m panting on the floor as I realise that it came from me.

"Whatever I expected from you, Malfoy, it certainly wasn't that." He chuckles with a grin.

"What's yours?" I ask when I regain my breath.

"A stag, a really big stag." He chortles.

"So, does this mean I’m trustworthy?" 

"I'd say so, Malfoy." Then his smile falters. "But, let’s keep this between us for now, I’m still not sure the others will understand."

I want to disagree, but perhaps it is for the best, after all, how could I explain this to Hermione and how could he either?

If I risked everything for her in the future, then at least Potter would be able to tell her something about me she never knew, that I was a good man, good enough to cast a Patronus.

Potter claps me on the back as we leave and I feel lighter, like he’s accepted me and it feels good, even though I know we have a long way to go until he trusts me totally. We arrange to meet in the new term to discuss tactics on avoiding Filch and Umbridge and I promise to do what I can, while avoiding suspicion.

The end of term is the following day and when I go home, I have an inkling of what's in store for me. I'm not sure I'll be able to break her fall when she realises I'm not the person she thinks I am, how under my father’s thumb I am allowed little choice but to be involved with my father’s Death Eater friends.

Perhaps if I can tell Potter the truth, he’ll be able to catch her when she falls. He doesn't have to like me, he just has to tell her, one day, that she was my everything.

........

When we returned following a miserable holiday filled with me crying myself to sleep at night and my parents fussing over how ill I looked, Fred and George devastated the OWL exams, and I have to say devastated, as I studied hard for them, tears seeping out occasionally and marring my textbooks as I crammed for those exams.

That day had already been made doubly hard by having pushing Draco out of my mind. He was at the back of the hall, and before the fireworks I felt his stare on the nape of my neck as a rivulet of sweat made its way from my hairline, trailing between my shoulder blades. I felt hyper aware of his every movement, almost like I had eyes in the back of my head, and I wanted to run to him and tell him how afraid I was that I wouldn’t pass my exams. I knew, if we were together, he’d understand, and we’d probably have crammed until we couldn’t think anymore.

It wasn’t the end of the turmoil that day. Harry had another vision. He saw Sirius being tortured by Voldemort and we ran from the hall to the revolving staircases.

I’m begging him to reconsider and he’s telling Ron and I that he can't leave him like that, that's it's the same as his vision of Mr. Weasley. He’s heading into trouble, just like he always is, telling us that Sirius told him Voldemort was after something he didn't have the last time and I try to be the voice of reason, but he stops me and tells me Sirius is the only family he has left.

I beg him to take a moment to think, but here we are in Umbridge’s office, the worst possible place we can be, and Harry wants to use the floo network. 

"You're mental, we'll go with you!" Ron insists.

"It's too dangerous!" Harry tries without success to go alone. I've had enough and I won't allow him to run off alone based on a hunch and ill-considered idea.

"When are you going to get this into your head? We're in this together." I inform him, with a tone that begs no resistance.

"That, you are!" Umbridge shrieks, almost giving me a heart attack.

......

Fuck, fuck, fuck! The word that Umbridge has Potter spreads like wildfire thought the Slytherin dorm and the squad are asked to gather in her office, which means, Umbridge almost certainly has Hermione and the Weasel.

We scamper to gather any Gryffindors who have been suspected to be part of the DA and drag them to her office. I notice Blaise inside the Gryffindor common room, as students scatter. I give him a look, which I hope says, get the fuck out of here. He leaves when Luna is pulled away and I haul Longbottom out, who seems strangely calm as pull him towards the old bag’s office.

As we reach the door, Blaise stalls me, his hand on my shoulder as he digs in his heels. "Swap me for her, don't you let one of those bastards get their filthy paws on her!"

“Leave it, Blaise,” Longbottom hisses, “I’ll make sure she’s alright.”

“He’s right,” Agreeing with Longbottom is weird enough, but the bloke is no idiot, “I can’t do that, Zabini, I suggest you leave, or you’ll find yourself with them!” I give him my best faux sneer. Godrick, this isn’t the time for heroic’s, and he knows it. We can’t allow Umbridge to know were involved with Potter and the others, however much it hurts to see Hermione roughed up.

The old bag is almost hysterical since the Weasley twin’s escapade and I know she’s ready to have her vengeance. Someone will pay, and she’s been waiting for a moment like this for months.

Goyle has my woman in his arms when I arrive with Longbottom and I growl at him, pushing him away and swapping captives. I won't let him touch her, she's mine, whether she admits it or not and I won’t have his hairy hands on her. Merlin the bloke rarely washes his hands after taking a piss. I know it won’t look strange because I know my fellow Slytherins know I must always have the best, must have all the glory for myself, and so Goyle thinks nothing of it.

……

He enters to the room pushing Neville, his wand at his back, “Caught this one trying to help the Weasley girl.” He shouts with distain, and as soon as he sees me, he pushes Goyle aside and grasps my upper arms, holding me to him. I'm with him again and now I can't concentrate. Umbridge is ranting, going on about how Harry is a liar and all I can feel is Draco thumbing the crook of my elbows, his breath is hot on my ear, his body flush with mine and he jolts at the same time I do when Umbridge slaps Harry’s face. I begin to wonder if there’s hope for Draco, that he was right when he once said he was just doing what he needed to so he wouldn’t face his father’s wrath. Once upon a time, Draco would’ve revelled in such a scene and I hope against all hopes he’s changed, either because of me or because he’s finally realised that what’s going on here isn’t right.

Everyone else eyes are on Umbridge and Harry, even as Snape arrives and takes in the scene.

I see him glance to where Draco thumbs are massaging me, before he quickly looks into my eyes and then to the Headmistress. Snape has eyes like a hawk, he sees everything, and I hope he just thinks Draco’s taking advantage of me while he has me right where he wants me, because he’ll be in far more trouble with his father if the potions master, who is his godfather, believes there is more to it.

I’m trying to take in everything that’s happening around me, while I revel in being in Draco’s arms once more. I couldn’t feel safer in the most unsafe place in the world. Draco couldn’t protect me even if he wanted to, but I know he wants to, his gentle tug on my long curls at the back of my head tells me so.

Harry desperately tries to tell Snape what’s happening, and I watch as Snape tries to pass it off as nothing, telling the bitch that he has no idea what’s happening.

When Umbridge threatens to use the crutiatus curse on Harry I finally speak, pulling against Draco’s arms. “Tell her, Harry!”

“Tell me what?”

“Well, if you won't tell her where it is,” I struggle to fight against Draco’s hold, his body goes taut as I try, like he’s desperate to stop me, “I will!”

“Where what is?” Umbridge has become mentally unravelled, I can see it in her eyes, I must do something.

“Dumbledore’s secret weapon.”

“Don’t do this.” I hear Draco whisper as he lets out a withheld breath beside my ear.

Harry and I are swiftly ushered out of the room and I see Draco follow Umbridge to the door, his hands fisted at his side.

“Do you need any help, Headmistress?” He asks, his voice clear and his eyes glinting with fury, which she obviously takes as a request from a devoted member of her squad.

I hold my breath, hoping she’ll say no, there’s no way I’d be able to explain all this to Harry, he wouldn’t understand.

“No, thank you, Mr. Malfoy, see that the other children are kept under control here while I find out exactly what has been going on.” She smiles sweetly and I want to throw up, especially as his eyes give me one last pleading glance.

I lead her to the forbidden forest, my heart hammering as I beg Draco to do the right thing, over and over in my mind.

……….

Blaise walks in as they leave and I stand at the doorway, unsure what to do.

“Alright, babe?” He calls to Luna with a grin.

“Don’t you speak to her!” Weasley’s face is the reddest I’ve ever seen as he fights against Goyle, only to find himself pulled back as the bigger boy holds his wand to his neck.

The other members of the squad come forward menacingly and let go of their wandless captives, all apart from Goyle, who holds Weasley by the wrists, obviously thinking he’s the most likely to cause trouble. Little does he know.

“Whats this about?” Crabbe asks, moving in front of me protectively, trying to fathom why Blaise would be asking such a question of the blonde-haired witch.

“Now, now, Blaise, it’s imprudent to let this lot carry on thinking they’re in charge.” I turn and watch the faces of my fellow squad members. I lift my wand, “Confundo!” I hit Goyle first and then Weasley. Three other spells zip through the air as Blaise hits Crabbe and some other blokes I’ve never learned the names of. The Weaslette screams in anger and runs for me.

“You dare touch my brother, Malfoy!” She roars, finding herself held back by a quick moving Longbottom.

“Wait! Ginny, stop fighting me, it’s not what you think!” Longbottom pulls her away just as she’s about to scratch my bloody eyes out.

“No, let me get him! I’ll hex him until his balls drop off!” She screams, tears running down her face.

“He had to! He couldn’t let Ron know, Ginny.” Longbottom pulls her into his arms and Luna moves to soothe the tears from her face.

“It’s true, he wouldn’t understand whats happening here. Harry told me to trust Malfoy. I trust Harry and I would never trust this git without his say so.” Longbottom shoots me a look of barely concealed distain.

“Thanks ever so.” I roll my eyes at them all. “They’re right, Weaslette, we don’t have time for his drama or yours, so pipe down, there’s a good girl.” Yes, I don’t know when to shut my gob or how to be less condescending. “As you can see, all these idiots have been hit with a Confundus too,” I gesture to the IS members, “but it was necessary to stop your lunatic of a brother running off after Potter and Granger and getting himself killed. You have my sincere apologies.” I say sincerely, all while wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.

“I-I, err, I,” Ginny began, unused to receiving a Malfoy apology, her face dropping as she tried to work out what was occurring.

I ignore her and flick my hand to the others, who also look unsure of me. “Alright, let’s get started. I think Potter and Granger will be fine, she’s not an idiot who’d lure Um-bitch away without a plan, so let’s get you ready for what happens next. Blaise, you’ll need to obliviate the other squad members when they recover. Weaslette, if you could kindly inform your brother, he was hit with a confundos accidently when you tried to escape, then we’d be ever so grateful.” I can’t help speaking with a hint of sarcasm. She stares at me like she’s trying to work out what the hell is going on for a few moments but nods eventually.

“Chang.” I take a step towards her and she flinches. To be honest, it doesn’t surprise me, especially as I was there when she was last with our foolish Headmistress. I turn back and speak to Neville in a whisper and he, at least, does me the credit of not recoiling. “Longbottom, would you kindly discuss with Chang the reasons why she may need to be, err, encouraged to forget tonight? She has already been through enough when veritaserum was used on her to out the DA, and of course, it’s her choice, but perhaps she may need to understand the consequences for her if Potter and Granger are unable to pull off the plan they are trying to put into effect.”

“Harry told me I might have to trust you.” He nods and pulls her to the side of the room, talking to her quietly. A few moments later he undertakes a spell I’m surprised he knows, but then I remember he’s from a pureblood family.

“I knew you’d help us,” Lovegood touches my hand and I do my best to remain steady. This is all new to me, being on the side they believe to be right. Alright they are good, I admit it to myself, and I don’t deserve any redemption from my former bullying life. Of course, they all have good reason not to believe I sincerely want to help them, but I can’t see Hermione hurt and my only objective is to keep her safe. If she doesn’t know about this, then she’ll never be compromised.

“You know this has to remain between us?” I tell the little blonde witch, watching as Ginny approaches us with caution.

“Why?” The redhead asks carefully.

“Let’s say, I made a promise to a girl.” I tell her, and I can see she’s desperate to know who that is. “It’s better that you don’t know who. All I can say is I—I love her more than anything and she knows that. Regardless, she does everything to keep you safe and cannot be with me.” I find I have verbal diarrhoea and the urge to admit how much I care for the girl whose sun shines brighter than anyone else in this school, or the world, the one who realised I wasn’t the prick everyone thought I was.

“It suits you.” She replies and I feel myself blush like a bloody first year.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Blaise interjects, “Malfoy is undercover, and he will continue to be his—unpleasant self in public.” He snickers, “For the moment, you must trust Potters vision and continue to act in the way you always have towards him.”

“Ha, that won’t be that hard.” The redhead lets out a guffaw as she turns to her brother to obliviate him, her hand shaking uncontrollably.

I hold her arm and feel her wince at my touch. I can’t help the sadness I feel from their fear of me “It’s for the greater good, Ginny.” I tell her quietly, and she mutters the spell with tears in her eyes, reminded that it was exactly why Hermione left me.

As I walk the room, obliviating my fellow Slytherins, I feel some acceptance from the group, and it feels nice. Weaslette’s eyes follow me and as I levitate them back to their dorm.

“Thank you. I can’t say I trust you totally yet, but this would’ve been so much worse for us if you hadn’t done this for us.”

“It is my pleasure.” I reply, not sure what else I can say.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in update, I've been hit with tons of work for college and I'm due to finish this year in a few months so its all a bit crazy. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it goes off canon about half way through, although the story will continue to remain as canon compliant as it can with Draco and Blaise's secret defection to the side of the Order.
> 
> Thank you as always to my amazing beta, badwolfjedi, she is awesome!

I, Draco Malfoy, can't change what I am, even if Hermione changes her mind about me. Siding with Potter is never going to be enough to redeem myself, and I know my family are the main reason we can never be seen together as a couple in public, not the fear of retribution from other students, but my fear of what will happen to Granger if my father ever finds out.

Of course, I could always come out as a being with the DA, but I still have to go home to the Manor and face the wrath of my father, second in line to the Dark Lord himself, who has somehow wheedled himself in with almost every pureblood family in the sacred twenty-eight like he never left.   Hermione and Potter returned to the school, Potter filled with excitement over Umbridge’s kidnapping by the Centaurs and Hermione’s part in the deception of the old bitch, but I see only sadness written over her features, like she knows this is only the beginning and she’s holding back telling the others how much danger they now find themselves in. They collected Longbottom, Lovegood and the two Weasel's, heading to who knows where as Blaise and I tip toed to the entrance of the school, keeping out of sight. I couldn't allow Hermione to see me but to have a moment to allow my eyes to wander her pale features, to make sure she was safe as that had to be enough for now. I listened, scowling as Weasley complained of a headache and wondered why he was there at all, stupid prick. Weaslette told Hermione and Potter that he'd used Weasley Wizard sweets to escape the IS members and they congratulated him, even though he'd done fuck all. I bit my fist as I listened to their lies, fuck, they'd never have left that office if I hadn't done what I did to help them. Was this how it would be to be on their side? to be nothing better than a spy and receive no credit for anything? Was that enough for me? I pondered this when Longbottom caught my eye, he’d seen us lurking and briefly touched his nose before leaving the group and sidling up to us. For a moment I panicked, as I thought he might stride forth and hug me. Of course, that wouldn’t happen as he’d have to explain why he was hugging one of the most hated Slytherins in the school if his friends saw him. Anyway, I don’t mind helping but I draw the line at a physical embrace between two men, it just isn’t dignified, and yes, that is my father talking. Look, I knew my aunt was the one who he lost his parents to, but it wasn't my fault, I had nothing to do with it, we were both tiny tots then, the Longbottom’s aren’t dead, but they might as well be and I feel a hint of sadness for the bloke. Alright, so, we have the barest link because I helped them back in Umbridge’s office and Longbottom knows about me but we’re hardly best mates. We stare at each other and I’m not sure what to make of it. I see a defiance in the eyes of the quiet and unassuming boy, I'd never witnessed before. I reckon he’s in his element here, playing at being protector alongside the chosen one, he’s an only child and he suddenly feels he has purpose; I get it. He gives me a suspicious glance as I sink further into the shadows, and I watch as his lips purse, his fists clenched at his sides.   I nod my head in understanding as he sidles closer, carefully watching the others.

I speak, because I must, somehow it doesn’t seem right not to let the moment go. "They aren't us, Longbottom. If I was my aunt, you’d have every right not to trust me, every right to curse me until my bollocks dropped off and I shrivelled into a pile of Acromantula shite, but I’m not that mental shrew and she deserves to be taken down for everything she ever did, I know that better than anyone."   His fists open and close, his body taut with unspoken anger, yet, he doesn't reply. I think he wants to tell me all that happened, all he knows about Bellatrix and what she took from him, but he forgets that I’m well aware, in fact, her depravities have been long discussed in my presence at the rare family dinners my aunt forces us to endure when she arrives without invitation at the manor. I feel the urge to tell him how she whispered venom in my ear throughout my childhood, that she’s rotten right through to the core. I’ve never felt the urge to apologise for a member of my family to anyone like this before.   I stare into his eyes, looking for his truth as he almost vibrates with fury. "I can't save you from her and I can't save you from Lucius either, but I'll help as much as I can." If he won’t speak, I suppose I can only ask him what I need to ask. "You'll keep Hermione safe?" I want to grab his throat, push him against the wall and demand it, but I know it won't help, especially when he looks like he wants to do the same to me. Our eyes are locked in somewhat of a competition and I don’t blink, nor do I expect him to either.   He relaxes and chuckles eventually, his eyes softening like he's managed to get a grip of himself and process what I’ve said.  

"Malfoy, why ever do you think any of us would need to save Hermione? She's more powerful than any witch I've ever known, more powerful than any wizard, more intelligent, more beautiful and she loves the library, she even loves Herbology." He blushes.  

I really want to hit him now, even after our unspoken truce, for loving my woman like he clearly does but how can I when he speaks the truth? She is all those things and more, plus I know I'll never have her again if I beat one of her friends to death for taking a side glance at her, so I restrain myself. I find a bare amount of pity inside me, the bloke never knew his parents because of my old bitch of an aunt.

Once, when I was five, I remember Bellatrix came to the Manor while I was playing on my own. I was an only child and amused myself by running around and hiding from Missy, the house elf who was almost like a mother to me. I broke a dark crystal vase by mistake, a family heirloom, and I cut my hand deeply. My mother ran to soothe and chastise me in her usual gentle way.  

"Cissi! The boy must learn to behave, how will he learn if you heal him?" I remember Aunt Bella shrieking. She was so terrifying I hid behind Missy, who barely reached my chest in height. Missy stood tall and wrung her hands, but she still stood up for me.

“Mistress Malfoy, this is Missy’s fault, if anyone is to blame, please blame Missy.” The elf protested. I laid my small head on her shoulder as I cowered, feeling her trembling as she spoke to the floor.  

"Sister, I cannot leave my son bleeding, what if Lucius finds his heirs precious blood weeping on the floor of his home? He's my son, I must soothe him and heal his wounds." My mother almost spat out the word my with the most venom I’d ever heard from her. My mother was always sweet to me and slow to chastise me for my accidents, I’d never heard her raise her voice before.  

"You!" My aunt pointed at Missy, who was by now sobbing fat tears, "Come with me!" Missy followed dutifully with a woeful glance at me as she passed, following Bella whose heels thundered down the corridor.  

I remember my mother healing my cuts with a furrowed brow as her eyes followed them. She kissed my head, "Be more careful my dragon, a vase can be replaced but you cannot." Our heads shot up when a shriek came from the drawing room. I knew it was Missy’s voice screaming and my mother ran, she never ran anywhere, always the paragon of a highborn, pureblood lady, but this time she fished her wand from her pocket and took off with her robes and in her hands, her heels clattering upon the parquet floor. I followed her, hiding behind the frame of the door as I listened to the screams of Missy and raised voices of the women inside. The door to the kitchen was at the other end of the hall and I looked up through tear flooded eyes to see all the house elves watching me with the same terror in their eyes as I imagine mine held.

“Bella, oh, what have you done!” My mother cried and I ran the length of the corridor into the arms of Wiffy, my father’s elf who’d been with him since he was a child. She took me to my room, holding me while I sobbed and hid under the coverlet from my evil aunt.  

My father came to me when he returned home that night. Wiffy had informed him what had happened, and he was livid, but I never saw his eyes so soft with apology in my life as when he entered my room to tell me Missy wasn't coming back. I had never noticed the way he spoke through his eyes with the tiny and elderly elf before, but she understood and returned with hot chocolate and pastries. He stood at the side of my bed while I cried and he sighed, dropping to sit on the edge, his walking stick standing at his side, and his hand gripping the silver handle, his knuckles white from how tightly he held it. "Draco, you need to understand that there are people you can trust in this life." He took my small hand in his larger one and circled his thumb over my palm. I remember that as being one of the only times he ever touched me with tenderness. "There are also people you cannot. Your aunt is one of those people." He reached out and caressed my brow with his fingertips before he rose from the bed, standing proudly. "See to it you never do anything foolish before her again, or next time it might be you, rather than Missy that pays the price." He stared at me with an odd look of fear on his face and bid me goodnight, glancing at Wiffy, who rushed to my side to comfort me.

From then on, whenever I was upset by visits from my aunt, up until I went to Hogwarts, Wiffy would always come and to me and take me to my room. She once confided in me that she would do that when Abraxas came to my father’s room when he was drunk and scream at him when he was just a babe. She always cared for me and she told me when I was six that my father was training another elf for himself, she remained with me until I left for Hogwarts. Wiffy was more of a parent than my father, but I knew she understood him better than anyone and I think she told him more about me than any other as she knew me the best. I never truly hated my father, Wiffy knew that, but then she knew how difficult he could be, having known how his life was under Abraxas, and she tried to keep us close. He visited me when she asked, but we remained mostly distant, my mother and Wiffy our only link, and I was only called into his presence when he had a need to talk to me.   Wiffy died last summer when I returned home from Hogwarts, she came to rest in my bed when I had a nightmare and when I woke, her hand was clasped in mine and I’m not ashamed to say I cried, not that I’d tell anyone. I never really understood what my father had against elves, he took a disliking to Dobby and I never really understood how he was released from our service, he worked as my father’s personal elf and then one day he wasn't our elf anymore. My father was in a foul mood the whole summer, and it wasn’t explained to me why. But father’s black moods became worse when Wiffy died.   So, yes, I could commiserate with Longbottom because I knew my aunt was as wicked as a witch could get. I lost my closest elf, who cared for me like a mother, to the vindictive cow and only found out years later that Aunt Bella had sliced her into tiny pieces with dark magic. It might not be the same as losing one’s parents, but it was near enough in a small family like mine.

“Malfoy? Did you hear me?” Both Blaise and Longbottom are looking at me curiously and I realise I’ve zoned out for a long enough period to make them feel uncomfortable. Well, good, they should never underestimate me, the gits.   "I know she's an amazing witch," I retort with my shoulders tense, "just don't do anything stupid, Bellatrix will kill you, make no mistake, don't think you'll have her mercy because your parents have been ruined by her or that she has any maternal feeling in her body, she will assassinate you, Longbottom, just to take the set and then she’ll forget all about you and move onto her next target."   I turn to leave, and Longbottom speaks.

"Thank you, I know Harry and the others warned me, but your warning is real, Malfoy, I'm not a child anymore and I know she'll kill me if she gets the chance.” He turns to follow the others but stops with his back to me. "But, if you're on our side I expect no betrayal, I'll kill you before Harry if you're playing us."  

And I'll deserve it. "I’ll expect nothing less, Longbottom, although I feel like Potter hasn't thought this through, you don't know what you're getting yourself into."  

"Malfoy, this is how things are, and I'll follow Harry regardless." He heads off back to the group and leaves me and Blaise watching them cross the bridge.

The others seem to take his excuse for absence easily, but Hermione peers back towards the school with an inquisitive look. I want to step out of the darkness, so she sees me, but I know it won’t help Potter in his cause, so I don’t.  

"I don't want Luna going alone." My best mate yells when they’re far enough out of earshot, punching the stone wall, his knuckles bleeding as he peers down with tears mingling with the blood running through his fingers.   I want to say the same, but other than following them, what choice do we have? We stay or we go. I pause for a moment. If they can get into the Ministry, then why can't we?  

"Zabini, are you going to cry like a wanker or are we following them?" I ask.  

“Are you mental, Malfoy? Yes, of course we are!” Blaise strides ahead, leaving me to fish one of many portkeys purchased with Malfoy family Galleons from my pocket.

oOoOo  

**Author Note: The story goes off canon from this point.**

I cannot comprehend how things have come to this, being sent to the Ministry alongside the crazed sister of my wife to fetch a prophecy regarding the boy who lived. This is servant’s stuff, or at least for the likes of Crabbe and Goyle, idiot followers who cannot think for themselves, not a Malfoy whose family all but ruled the wizarding world before the Dark Lord returned.  

How my lord lured the children here I’ll never know, the boy, Potter, must be a fool not to realise he was being played like a pawn in a game of wizard’s chess, it seems all too easy and that’s what concerns me. There are five children and twelve of us, Potter will find the prophecy and I will return it to the Dark Lord, receiving all the credit and if Bella gets in my way I’ll kill her, like I’ve wanted to for years and say she was a casualty, killed by the boy. The Dark Lord will be enraged but I know he won’t care too much when he has the portent he requires.  

I have to say I’m impressed by the spells the children use when we arrive, they’re like a little army as they try their best to fight off seasoned Death Eaters, all while looking no more terrified than I. They're confident, and have to say I appreciate confidence, it makes a person, but of course it won't protect them from us. Amongst us are some of the deadliest Death Eaters who ever roamed this plane, they’re hungry for blood and have something to prove following their escape from Azkaban. I feel their amusement at first, voiced by Bella’s cackles and taunts, but I know it won't take long for them to become serious in their intentions.

I watch them carefully. Admittedly, I'm not at one with Bella, these children go to school with my son, they are no different to him in age, only different in status and parentage, all purebloods bar Potter, the half-blood, and Miss Granger the mudblood. My sister in law wants to slaughter them all and I have to remind her more than once that the Dark Lord won't appreciate us laying Potter’s dead corpse before him, as he's insistent he must kill the boy himself and this will be the boy’s saving grace on this occasion.

Something niggles at me in the back of my brain, Draco has talked non-stop to Wiffy about Granger since he started Hogwarts, and Wiffy informs me of everything to do with my son, from his friends to his bowel movements while he is at home. Draco has ranted about trying to best her in everything and finding himself second on every occasion. I've tried to make him see the error of his ways, locked him in the dungeons like my own father did to me, in a bid to improve his grades and make him stronger, but it never worked.  As I watch the muggleborn shoot spells with the precision of a pure blood, I feel some level of respect for her. She and my son, unfortunately for him, are more perfect in magical ability as can be expected for children of their age, regardless of how much I wish it wasn't so.

I forget those thoughts when the Order arrive and the battle reaches the inner sanctum of the ministry, I'm now shooting the deadliest spells in their direction, missing the children with deliberation but using unforgivables none the less. Then I see Draco in my peripheral. Why in sweet Salazar is my son here? I want to call out to him and tell him to return home immediately, but I know it'll draw attention, and this is not attention I want to draw to my heir. Whatever occurs here, tonight, I cannot risk him, or our line will be at an end at the hands of the Order.

oOoOo

We follow at a distance, watching our fellow students fight the Death Eaters. I know him, my father, as soon as I look at him and I want to scream 'look at me' as my legs tremble, but I hold it in, I want to yell and tell him he failed me and drop to my knees, next to Blaise, who’s somehow managed to stay upright.

"Draco, you knew this about him, even before we came here, you knew he was one of them!" He's taking my arm and pulling me to my feet. His hand almost crushing mine. "He's always been this, always been your father too, I don't know how to help you, but you must get hold of yourself somehow, now is not the time to fall to pieces."

Green lights reflect on my friend’s eyes as he looks on desperately at the fight. I know he's searching for Luna as I am, Hermione.

"I know!” I’ve just never seen him wear those robes, the Death Eater mask, “I never believed he'd fight against children!" I go to run towards him but find Blaise corralling me with his arms to the point I can barely breathe. I want to fight, but he knows I will run into the fray and get myself killed and he is right.

"We shouldn't have come, we're leaving!" He voices desperately.

"Let me go! I can't leave her to them!"

"Get a fucking grip, Malfoy! They'll take us both to the Dark Lord as traitors if we don't go now!" I watch as my father duels with members of the Order who've apparated into the mess.

"I can't! Let me go you bastard, she's my everything!" Blaise releases me and then grabs me by the collar, his hand over my mouth.

"I know, fuck, Draco, I know how much you want to protect her, but we must leave now, or they'll turn their wands on us! How will we explain why we’re here? Be sensible! How will we explain why we’re here!"

How the fuck can Blaise be sensible at a time like this. I just want to run to Hermione and fight in her corner as the vicious fight continues, but I have no choice but to watch, restrained, as my father shoots unforgivables and my mad aunt cackles as she races around the small space taunting Longbottom.

Then it happens.

My father glances in my direction with a look of horror written over his face. He mouths my name as he's stunned by Sirius Black, my mother’s cousin and begins to fall. "F-mmmhh!" I try to warn him as he's hit by a stray Avada from Bellatrix, who’s flinging the curses every which way with barely any precision. No! No! NO! Father! My brain is screaming, and I want to rush to his side as I see the light dim in his eyes and his blackened soul leaves his body, dissolving into the veiled arch in the centre of the room.

Bellatrix stalls for a moment, looking slightly contrite before she throws her head back, howling in frustration before launching into a more intense attack, no doubt prompted by the anger of knowing she’ll have to explain how she killed one of her masters most loyal subject. I hope the Dark Lord kills her; I hope he rips her to pieces like she did to poor Missy! I hope the bitch dies in agony!

"Enough! You will fucking come with me!" Blaise shouts in my ear as he apparates us out of there.

All I hear when we arrive back at the entrance of Hogwarts is yelling and screaming, and then I see a lantern heading towards us, held in the hand of a large man as I throw punches at the wall, my knuckles splintering in pain as I disappear into my own oblivion.

“Give ‘im this an’ bring him to my hut.”

I hear Blaise take it and a cork being pulled as he sniffed it. “What is it?” He asks.

“It’ll calm the boy while I go an’ get Minerva.”

“Does she need to know?”

“You’re as dozy as Fang, do you want Filch to find you out of bed with Malfoy intent on smashin’ his hands to a pulp?”

“No, sir, but you know who he is?”

“O’ course I know, the boy needs help an’ I’m intent on gettin’ it for him.”

It’s Hagrid, the one I called an old oaf many a time, Merlin, I even reported him to my father when we were sent into the forbidden forest for detention in first year. Hermione loves him and I now have an inkling of why.

Blaise moves closer to tell him something, but I can’t hear their whispers. I sink to my knees and feel a large tongue lick my face, not that I care, but it feels almost comforting.

“Right. I’ll be back soon.”

Blaise urges me to drink the potion and stand. I hear Hagrid speak as I walk towards the hut like an automaton.

“Fang, follow them, not me, dopey dog.” He says, sounding sterner than I’ve ever heard the gentle giant speak before, although it sounds fuzzy and distant.

The dog, who I notice is still the height of a pony, nuzzles my hand and I hold onto his fur as I stumble towards the hut.

I look up and the stars mingle into one huge constellation, merging together. Please let her be alright I tell them, wishing it was as easy as that to keep her safe.


	11. Chapter 11

I’m a simple man and my life has always been here in this school. I keep the grounds because Dumbledore was always good to me and this is as close to home someone like me gets. He conveniently forgot the things I did when the chamber was opened, my first meeting with the boy who made all the wrong choices. I was the boy fascinated with magical creatures and he kept me on as gamekeeper after I was expelled.

Throughout my adult life, after the first war, mostly my days went by without a care in the world, that was until the day I brought Harry Potter to Diagon Alley and put him in the way of the Weasleys to get him to school. Since then I’ve spent most of my time worrying for the lad, since he, Ron and Hermione are always getting themselves into scrapes. Now, I’m not saying they do it deliberately, like, but trouble has a damn habit of finding them.

Another who always seemed to find trouble following is the Malfoy boy. No bigger than Bowtruckles all those kids were, the first time I saw them get off the train, with smiling faces, all anticipating starting school. But there was something about Draco Malfoy as he grew up, the smile he’d had as a boy faltered, whether it be because he was up to no good and bullying some poor kid, but the rowdy boy’s demeanour soon changed to sneers and sadness. Now, Slytherins always worried me a bit, thinking they’re above us all, and it made me sad to think those tiny boys had no choice but to follow their fathers in their prejudiced views against half-bloods and muggles. It looked to me as the boy aged, he was getting it bad at home from his father as he seemed to distance himself from his friends. Lucius was never a man to be trifled with, a known Death Eater who had no tolerance for any wizards other than purebloods. I stayed out of his way when he visited the school, but trouble always found me, especially last year with Buckbeak. I hate a bully, and I’ll tell you something for nothing, that boy is like his father because Lucius willed it so, there’s no way that little boy I first saw get off the train would be this way if it wasn’t for his father, I wish he’d go and boil his head, the gurt barbers clerk!* When I was a boy I found it hard to fit in, being half giant made me the root of mirth in the school, there was no escaping it, and the Slytherin sneers were the worst, because they always thought they were better than the likes of I. But I never let them get to me, I am what I am after all.

I 'spose I'm Gryffindor through and through, because I've always had a soft spot for the ones who find Hogwarts hard going. When Harry arrived, I was filled with joy, I always thought of him as my own little one, I couldn't help it when James and Lily died, he was our orphan, but not really an orphan at all, because he had us.

But it doesn't mean I don't care for the other lost ones, I took Hermione under my wing too, she was strong but needed a bit of caring, and I would Draco too if he allowed it and, gods, if he didn't need it, coming from a family such as his. 

The night he ran as a first year with Fang when Harry saw the creature feast on the unicorn in the dark forest, I chuckled to myself after, thinking I'd do the same, shite myself and run. 

I saw Harry and Hermione up to something earlier in the evening, disappearing into the woods with Umbridge. I could barely hold onto the contents of my stomach as I waited for Umbridge to come to my hut and tell me I was sacked, that she’d been told about Grawp, but nothing happened so I came out to have a look around. Then I saw Harry and his friends on the bridge, but they’d all left before I had a chance to find out what they were up to. I walked the grounds with Fang when I still hadn’t seen them return after midnight. I’ve got a really bad feeling about it, as they weren’t supposed to leave the school grounds, I just didn’t know whether to go to McGonagall as she’s always been more terrifying then Dumbledore.

So, the clock was striking one when two boys apparated back. I recognised Malfoy as soon as I saw them, his hair like a beacon in the dark. As I got closer, I saw it was him and another lad from his house, Zabini. Malfoy was making a right ruckus, crying and punching the castle walls, loud enough to wake the bloody dead. As I got closer, I could see the boy was distressed, so I sent him with his friend to my hut. Now I’m standing outside Minerva’s office, tapping on the door and I know I’m in trouble for not telling her about Harry and the others leaving, but now it’s late and I can’t get away without doing anything to keep them out of trouble now.

“Rubeus? Why on earth are you knocking on my door at this hour?” Minerva pulls her night robes tighter to her neck, her face pale against the white of her nightcap.

I scratch my head and blurt it out, “Well, ya see, err, it was like this…”

“Rubeus, spit it out, I’d like to get some sleep tonight.”

She listens as I tell her the whole sorry story, “I jus’ didn’t want them to get caught bendin’ the rules Minerva, they’re jus’ kids.”

She sighs deeply and closes the door, returning seconds later fully dressed, and begins striding down the corridor, with me following close behind. “Where are we goin’?”

“To your hut of course, unless you feel there is somewhere better for us to be at this hour. A party perhaps?”

Minerva has a stern but kindly way about her, she’ll tell you off, but you sometimes won’t know it’s happening, and I’m confused by most people, so I just carry on following her.

…………………….

Shit, this is worse than I thought, now Draco’s out of it, I’m fairly crapping myself as if Umbridge turns up after the night we’ve had, I’m not sure I’ll be able to explain myself out of a paper bag. I stand straighter as I hear voices, awaiting whats to come. None of this has turned out like I thought.

“You see, and then I saw Umbridge go into the Dark Forest with Harry and ‘Ermoine and they came out without her. Then they all flew away on Thestrals, I couldn’t stop ‘em.”

I realise its only Hagrid and McGonagall and that’s slightly better than finding myself face to face with Umbridge.

“Mr Zabini.” McGonagall nods as she enters the room, looking at a comatose Draco enveloped by Hagrid’s large dog in the huge armchair. She walks to me and peers into my face, which despite my dark looks, probably looks rather ashen, and she takes my hand in hers, contemplating something for a moment.

“Rubeus, I fear we shall need some tea, this boy is half frozen.”

Hagrid busies himself by putting on the largest kettle I’ve ever seen, and she urges me to sit on the threadbare sofa beside her.

“Now, Mr. Zabini, would you like to tell me why you’re out of bed at this hour? Hagrid tells me he found you and, ahem, Mr. Malfoy here in quite the state outside the castle walls.”

I know whatever I say isn’t going to sound like an excuse to leave school and so I opt for the truth. “Luna left with Harry and the others, we followed them because we didn’t want them to get into trouble.”

“And where, pray tell, did they go at this hour?” She asked as Hagrid passed me a huge cup of tea.

“I don’t want to tell on them, I don’t know what to say.” I’m never afraid, my cool countenance always helps keep me out of trouble, but this time I’m terrified to tell what happened at the Department of Mysteries. I feel an unfamiliar itching at the back of my throat and I’m close to tears.

“Mr. Zabini, I cannot help them if you don’t tell me where they are.” She says urgently. They need help, I know the Order arrived to assist, but they could all be dead by now, my Luna, Salazar, I don’t know what I’ll do if she’s gone.

“W-we witnessed a battle between Death Eaters and Harry and the others, the Order arrived to assist, but Draco—” I gulp back tears, biting my lips to hold in my emotions, “Draco’s father was killed and we had to go, I had to take him away before he did something stupid. H-Hagrid found us when Draco was screaming at his loss. I’m sorry Professor, I know it was stupid of us to follow, b-but I love Luna, you see, I couldn’t let her be harmed.”

McGonagall pursed her lips and closed her eyes momentarily. “Rubeus, please find Professor Snape immediately.” She ordered, and he rushed away, almost breaking down his large door in his haste.

Her eyes were on me once more.

“This is very important; I need you to tell me exactly who was there.”

I tell her the whole story, listing the Death Eaters I recognised, along with the students.

“This is very grave indeed, Zabini, but I thank you for your candour.”

The door burst open and Snape eyes me and then Draco with somewhat of a wild look.

“You called for me Professor?” He breathes heavily and I realise I’ve never seen him without his trademark sneer. He keeps glancing at Malfoy.

McGonagall stands and walks to the door, they whisper as she explains whats happened, probably thinking I can’t hear them, but I’m a Slytherin and used to listening where I’m not wanted, it’s one of my talents.

“Can you find him? You said he told you where he’d be, you must send word immediately, Severus, there’s not a moment to lose.” McGonagall hisses. I think they mean Dumbledore, I hope they do, because I don’t think anyone will save the stupid Gryffindor’s from themselves other than him.

“Hagrid,” She turns to the half-giant as I watch Snape run from the door, “Return these boys to the castle.”

She turns to me, “Zabini, you and Malfoy will be taken to the hospital wing for tonight. Madam Pomphrey will ensure you are carefully looked after.”

I nod and she catches my arm, “Speak to no-one, not until I return, and if Mr. Malfoy wakes, please have him do the same.”

……………………

I have never been so grateful to see anyone in my whole life as I was when I saw Dumbledore on his knees. I know I missed something important, as the entrance to the ministry was devastated and Harry was on the floor with Voldemort standing over him, but now everyone could see what Harry was telling them all along. The Minister for Magic and all his cronies saw it too.

I’m so cold I can’t stop trembling and all I can think of is to check that Harry is alright and then get back to Draco, I know it sounds awful to want to leave my best friend alone, but I know Ron will stay with him. I saw Lucius die, oh gods, Draco’s father is dead, and he doesn’t know it. I can’t stand the thought of anyone else telling him, being with him, trying to comfort him when it should be me. I’ve made a mistake and if anyone can stop him being dragged down to hell by Voldemort and his mad aunt, it’s me, I know I can.

It all seems to take so much time until Professor Dumbledore eventually apparates us back onto school grounds. He wants to call my parents, but I don’t want that, I just want to find Draco, just to see him before he leaves to see his grieving mother.

Professor’s McGonagall and Snape are waiting to take us to the hospital wing on our return and I try to resist, but its futile as they insist.

Madame Pomphrey see’s us all to bed, apart from Harry who has gone with Dumbledore, and I’m placed beside a bed with white partition shielding whoever is within.

I do as I’m told, settling down as Ron fluffs up his pillows in the bed next to me, snoring before I can say goodnight. Madame Pomphrey bustles about, offering dreamless sleep potions to all those who need it, but I don’t take one, I need to think it out, and I hope she will leave us eventually so I sneak away and find the boy I love.

An hour later, Pomphrey checks on us all, a lantern held in her hand, a little like Florence Nightingale, not that she’d know who that was. I feign sleep and listen to the heavy breathing of my fellow patients.

I lift the covers and I’m just about to step to the floor when I hear a noise.

“Pssst, Granger.”

I look up and see the noise is coming from my dorm mate, two beds to the left on the opposite side. I look around before lifting my head to see who’s calling. Its Zabini and I furrow my brows, wondering if he’s had a Quidditch accident I wasn’t aware of.

He moves slowly, slinking to the partition and pointing inside. I follow, carefully walking towards him, so as not to make a sound. He takes out his wand, creating a silencing spell around us. I still whisper when I speak, “What do you want? I’m not in the mood for chatty Slytherins tonight, Zabini.” I huff. I’ve got better things to do. I fold my arms, waiting for him to speak.

“I know.” He replies.

“What do you know?”

“I know what happened at the Department of Mysteries, Draco and I—” He watches as I take in a hissing breath, “Draco and I were there, we saw everything, well, up until we left.”

I know why Blaise was there, I’m just not sure why Draco was there. “Why was he there? Is he one of them?” My heart thunders and I feel suddenly nauseous.

I see a shadow cross Blaise’s’ face, he looks at me with distain, tugging at my elbow. “Why do you think he was there? Oh, I see, you thought he would turn his feelings for you off as soon as you decided it was over, didn’t you?”

“I-I—No! I didn’t think that, but you have to agree that it was strange that two Slytherins are there with Death Eaters? One of whose fathers was there?”

I feel like I’ve crossed as line this time as he looks like he wants to kill me. Instead he tightens his grip on my elbow.

“Salazar’s balls! Exactly how stupid are you? For the brightest witch of our age you sincerely lack common sense!”

I blink at his tirade, he was there for me, but how? Why? Oh, Merlin, it was my fault, my fault he watched his father’s death.

“Blaise, please, where is he? I need to see him.”

Blaise looks at the divider, his eyes indicating the boy I love has been at my side the whole time.

“What happened to him? Is he alright?” I ask, blood rushing through my ears as I shake at the revelation. 

“He lost it when we returned, Hagrid helped us because he was in pieces after seeing his father killed by a stray Avada by that stupid bitch, Lestrange.”

Bellatrix. I saw his death, something that might be explained away as a casualty of friendly fire, she might even be rewarded depending on whether Voldemort thinks of it as a blessing. Harry told me once that after the Dark Lord killed Cedrick, he threatened Lucius, telling him he wasn’t a true follower, but I can’t think about that now, I need to go to Draco.

“One more thing, Granger,” Blaise places his arm out to stop me entering, “He loves you more than anything, but if you don’t have any intention of loving him back, if you’ve decided he’s never going to be more than a footnote in the diary of Hermione Granger, then just leave him be, let him go. He can’t take rejection again because this time he’ll probably pitch himself off the Astronomy tower.”

“I love him.” I say, trying to move past his muscular arm.

“Do not hurt him, Hermione, it will break him if you do. I know him well and he’s never opened up to anyone but me and you. If you hurt him again, you might as well send him into the arms of Voldemort, because he’ll become icy and cruel, you know he has that in him, as do I, he is that way because of the way he’s been treated by his father, and the life he was born into. You must give him a better life than that, or you might as well walk away now.”

I nod, as I have no intension of hurting him. I don’t know how we’ll keep our relationship a secret now but I’m tired of being without him, it’s exhausting to pretend I don’t love him with everything I am. “Whatever happens, I’ll make it work and I promise I’ll never hurt him.” I place my hand on Blaise’s’ arm, gently pushing it away.

“See that you don’t.” I glance up to see Blaise wander to Luna’s sleeping form a few beds down, he climbs up and lays by her side, his head on her shoulder as he places his head in her long hair, his arm across her waist.

Tentatively I pull back the divider to find Draco’s grey eyes on mine, glinting in the moonlight.

He smirks but his reddened eyes give away his true emotions.

“So, my guard dog wouldn’t allow you entry?” He utters, clearly showing a bravado he doesn’t feel as his lower lip wobbles momentarily, then he exhibits a mask of calm.

“He’s just worried about you.” I say, feeling the onset of tears and gulping them back.

Draco reaches out to me and I place my hand in his. “I heard what you both said.”

As Blaise meant him too I daresay. “I meant every word, I—” A sob rises in my chest and I can’t push it down. Too much has happened tonight, too much before as I pushed my feelings down to try to move on, and now my emotions threaten to flood out of me like an inundation. “I-I don’t know what to say to make it better.” I let go of his hand and place my hands over my face, sobs coming fast. I try to stop, he’s just lost his father, however much of a pig his father was, and I’m the one blubbering.

“Sweetheart, come here,” Draco murmurs, reaching for me, his fingers hooking into the belt loops of my jeans and pulling me to him, “Come, lay beside me.” I drop my hands and look as he moves to make space on the small bed, lifting the blanket.

I climb onto the bed and into his arms, both of us eye to eye. He reaches out to stroke my brow and lift my hand to run my fingers over his jawline. “I missed you, so much I thought I might die from the pain.” I admit, lowering my eyes to watch as he moved to entwine our hands in the tiny space between us.

“None of that matters now, you’re here with me when I need you, and sweet Circe, you don’t know how much I need you right now, Hermione.”

I inch up onto the pillows and lay his head on my breast. There are times to make up and there are times to offer comfort to the boy I love when he’s grieving, this is not the time to talk about our relationship, but things feel right between us, we’re together and that’s all I can expect for now.

…………….

My head is laying against Hermione’s bosom and I can truly say I’ve never felt so comforted in my life. She’s taken me away from my thoughts. I’m terrified for my mother now that father is gone. It leaves her vulnerable to my aunt and her lackies and I know it won’t be long before she has visitors of the sinister kind. However I thought this night might end, I never thought it would be in her arms, with her chest rising and falling, her heart beating in my ear.

“I missed you and I’m sorry about your father, I’m sorry about everything.” She whispers, her hand on the nape of my neck, her thumb absently rubbing in small circles.

I need to ask the question, I already heard her tell Zabini that she still loved me, that she wouldn’t hurt me, but I have to hear her say it, to hear her tell me she loves me still.

I lift my head, tilting her face towards mine, “And you still love me, you told Zabini and I heard.”

She smiles, her face is covered in dirt and bruises, but she still looks so beautiful I wonder if she’s really here or whether I’m dreaming, her brown eyes sparkling on the lunar light. She throws her head back and bites back a laugh, squeezing her lips together. It feels so good to make her laugh again, even if I can’t hear the sound. In my memory it sounds like the tinkling of a crystal chandelier and that’s good enough for now.

“You were always too nosy for your own god, Malfoy.” She chuckles, her chortle stuttering along with her breath as I thumb her cheek, giving her a watery smile.

I felt so empty without her and I was so sick of hiding how hurt I felt, how I felt like I was nothing without her. I move closer and softly touch her lips with mine and she licks her lower lip, closing her eyes. Her eyelashes flutter, as if she’s savouring my taste. That’s all I need as I clasp the back of her head and draw her closer.

“I love you too, Hermione Granger.” I murmur before I move to suckle her lower lip, before gliding my tongue over hers, deepening the kiss, feeling her silken hair running through my fingers. I pause, pressing my forehead against hers. She signifies everything I’ve ever wanted and thought I’d lost and as if in answer to my thought, I feel her hand on my cheek.

“I’ll never let you go again; I love you and we’ll find a way.”

My eyes flicker closed in exhaustion; all thoughts of my father absent for now. There’s always time to think those thoughts tomorrow, she’s here in my arms and that’s enough for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Gurt Barbers Clerk – A British West Country term, meaning a large, conceited, over-dressed fellow, who tries to act like a gentleman. Since Hagrid comes from the West Country, quite near the Forest of Dean, its a term he might use.
> 
>  
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> I'd love to hear your thoughts on the story, please dont be shy, I'm really very nice :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm surprised I have another update so soon, of course its down to my amazing beta @badwolfjedi getting it back to me so quickly <3  
> Dont forget we've veered off canon now and its about to get very interesting. I'm writing the next chapter right now and hope to have it to you later in the week. I'm in the Vanishing Zone at the moment...

I wake to a tap on my hand, the purple hues of dawn surrounding us as I come back to consciousness. I feel like I've been ten rounds with an erumpet, and crack my neck, my eyes squeezed shut as I hear it snap back into place.

Looking up I see Potter sitting beside me with a face like thunder as he takes in the scene of Hermione and I tangled in each other's arms. I rub my palm over my eyes and forehead. Shit. 

"So, this is what it was all about? The reason you came to me?" He spits out.

I'm in no way going to let him ruin this for me, nor am I going to wake her so she has to make a choice between us, so I shake my head and point to the outside, hoping he'll understand and follow without making this whole thing into a hysterical drama. I feel a rush of nausea when I remember what happened to my father at the hands of Potters, precious Order, but hold it back, following him inside a small medical closet. He reaches out sharply across me and closes the door carefully, casting a silencing spell and illuminating the small space with his wand, before letting rip.

"How in the name of Godrick fucking Gryffindor did you get her into bed? Did you cast a confundus and have her?" He yells in my face. "Because I'll fucking kill you if you've touched her!"

It’s a bit late now, I think. Now, I'm a Malfoy and I know how to control my temper, but being woken in the middle of the night when I'm trying to come to terms with my father’s death is not the best time to scream at me, so the most reasonable course of action occurs to me and I grab him by the throat. "This is not the time, Potter. You shout at me as much as you like, but you never accuse me of raping her, I fucking love her, and I'd never do that to any woman, I'm no bloody monster!"

He pushes me back and I lose my grip, some bandage supplies topple over us and the cupboard rattles as we try, and fail, to circle each other in the tiny space.

"Then how? How in the name of Merlin has she even looked at you? You hurt her with the most disgusting words I ever heard, every year of her time at this school and I held her while she cried herself to sleep, Malfoy! And now, what? She's just decided to crawl into your bed after a bad dream, when she's at her most vulnerable? Please do tell me, because I'm about to rip your pissing head off if you can't give me a good reason for her being there!"

He seems to have ignored the fact I told him I loved her. "It's not for me to tell, Potter!"

"What? Then who should tell me? Because you're the one I've just caught taking advantage of her. If anything, she should be in a Gryffindors bed, not some slimy snake!"

I see red at that, she’s mine, not that carrot headed half-wit’s! "Yeah, because that dunderhead really deserves her, he'll challenge her like no other and she'll be so happy as a housewife with a brood of red headed brats, just like Molly Prewitt. Oh, right, she was an exceptionally gifted pureblood witch until she married and birthed a tribe of Weasleys! Potter, even you must know Hermione would be better off a spinster than marrying him!" My mind wanders for a spilt second, imagining my love with a white-blonde haired baby in her arms as she smiles up at me.

He takes his wand out and pushes the tip at my throat. "This isn't a joke, Malfoy, you tell me now or I'll use the same curse I did on your aunt this evening." His eyes are glinting evilly, and I can see he’s experienced dark magic, there’s no other reason for it, not even anger over his friend’s unlikely relationship with me.

" _He_ got to you, didn't he, Potter? I know how he operates." I know that look, I've seen enough dark magic to know Potter isn't himself and the Dark Lord has a hand in it, I just know it. "I was there, I watched my father die tonight." I deflate and lean back against the door of the cupboard, my breath quickening and my heart beating so fast I think I might have a heart attack. I don’t want to die in a supply cupboard with the boy who bloody lived, so I place my hand against my chest and swallow deeply, trying to retain control. I won't cry in front of Potter, that's for certain. I glance at him and I can almost see his mind working behind his eyes, his hand falters on his wand, but then he presses the tip harder into my throat. 

"You made her tell you somehow, used the imperious! You weren’t there, I would’ve seen you!"

I'm not putting up with this any longer. "I would never do that to her! Oh, and yeah, because in amongst that fight you really stopped to do a headcount, didn’t you, Potter? It’s true, I followed you, how do you think Dumbledore knew where you were? Blaise told McGonagall and she sent Snape to find him. They thought I was asleep in Hagrids hut, but I heard every word."

"Hagrid? What? How were you there? He wouldn’t give a shit about the likes of you!"

He looks confounded and I almost laugh but if I did, I’d likely dissolve into hysterics, I fist my hands and continue. "Because, I lost my bloody marbles when I got back, threw a few well aimed punches at the castle, Hagrid and his mutt were there, oh, and it looks like he did care or I wouldn’t have been in his hut at all drinking down the calming potion he gave me. Look, whatever I say, you won't believe me. Hermione was here when I woke up after they put me to bed. Salazar’s mouldy bollocks, do you think I'd rape her in the middle of a ward filled with Gryffindors? Do you really think I'm capable of that? I've been a bastard but is there anything you've ever heard about me, other than my father’s a Death Eater that makes you think I'm that wrong in the head? I told you I love her, what more do you fucking want, Potter?"

He stares at me, his arm trembling with a mad glint in his eye. This time my goose might be cooked, he's obviously still in battle mode and out for my blood.

“No, it can’t be true, why would she be with you?”

“I’m sorry to be the one to tell you your best friends been lying to you, but yes, it’s true.” I’m not bloody sorry and he must know that from my tone. I pause and run my fingers through my hair, "Look, alright, I'll tell you. She would never tell you because she was terrified of your reaction. She and I," I take a deep breath, "Hermione and I have been in a relationship for most of this year. We kept it a secret because she knew you and Weasley would lose your bloody minds over it, especially when I was forced to be part of Umbridge’s crew."

"Forced! That's rich coming from you." He spluttered, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, forced, because if I hadn't, I'd be punished by my father, Potter. You've fought Death Eaters, so why don’t you tell me what type of punishments to you think they dole out to their wayward kids?"

He frowns and nods slightly in acquiescence.

"Do you really think I wanted to hear little kids crying for their mothers as that old hag tortured them? As I said, I'm no pissing monster. Hermione knows it all, she's had my apology for being a spoiled, selfish, bullying brat, and she loves me all the same, as I do her. I can't do any more to convince you, not now. I don't want redemption in your eyes, Potter, but it would be good to at least be in a room with her where you and the red headed boy wonder didn't want to kill me."

He sags and drops his wand, because this—this is all too much weight on the shoulders of young men such as us.

"So, then what happens now? Y-your father-Lucius is dead and you told me you wanted to be on our side. Luna vouched for you and now I don't know if I can trust you, not that I ever really did but I showed you the Patronus, knowing you wouldn't be able to do it if you were a Death Eater—" He looks at the floor without completing that sentence, his wand clutched so tightly I wonder if he might snap it in two.

"But I did it, didn’t I? And I still want to help, I want to keep her safe and I'll die to do that. You know what could happen to her if there’s another war, don’t you? What they do to muggleborns? You’ve seen first-hand how war can kill people, experienced the aftermath, and you know it’s coming, because he’s back, I know because she told me what she saw in that foyer at the Ministry. I love her more than anything. She came back to me tonight, after ending things, because she loves me, and I'll admit to you that I was nothing without her, a broken bloody shell. So, if you can find a way to trust me, I'll always make sure she's safe. I'll even—" I'll vow to do it, if it means he'll trust me.

"Even?" He looks up and meets my eye again, his face ashen, all fight gone.

"I'll make the unbreakable vow, here with you, right now, so he doesn’t find out about her." I hold my arm out.

"I-I don't know what it is." He admits, looking annoyed by the fact I know more than he.

He’s lost without Hermione, I already knew that, she would know exactly what I was offering. "We'd need to find Snape. Perhaps it might make you feel better that I saw Sirius Black at the Ministry, last I heard, he escaped from Azkaban and of course you lot were seen in cahoots with him."

"Really? You're trying to get me to take some unbreakable vow and I'm being blackmailed too? You really are a piece of work, Malfoy." I see a twitch of a smile at the corner of his mouth along with irritated eyes.

"I haven't said I'm blackmailing you, just making a more even Quidditch field, it’s for her, as I already said." I smirk. "I never asked you what spells the Dark Lord made you use. I know how he works, my father told me enough about the last war. Did he try to make you kill? He got in your head, didn't he Potter?" I watch him cringe and I know it's true. "He did then? Did he make you do things you didn't want to? Use dark magic?" Potter’s face looked like he’d seen a ghost and I knew it was true. "I'll vow anything to save her, I'll help you with your occlumency, I'll keep your secrets, but only if you leave us be. We won't tell anyone until the time is right, until we can be together with no bad feeling. I'm only including you in this because she loves you like a brother, but Weasley can go swivel, he and Browne are welcome to each other."

“So, we make a vow to never tell, and Snape is going to do it? How do you know you can trust him? Because, I have to say, he’s never given me a reason to trust him, I think he hates me, and I trust him only as far as I can throw him.” Harry says, mulling it over, his eyes on me once more.

“I trust him more than you trust Dumbledore.” I reply simply and we stare each other down for seconds.

Potter is first to break the staring contest and he’s shaking his head and laughing hysterically now. "Alright, alright, let’s find Snape, I'm sure he'll be ecstatic to see us at," he glances at his wand, "four thirty in the morning."

We exit the cupboard carefully, peering around to check Pomphrey isn’t doing rounds. 

"Wait." I say, walking to my bed and lifting my sleeping love from the bed, before placing her gently on her own. I drop a kiss to her cheek and soothe her forehead, "Sleep, my sweetheart." I whisper before walking away, following Potter with my hospital gown on.

...........

 

Having had the crappiest day ever, almost dying at the hands of Voldemort and nearly losing Sirius at the battle, I'm now walking the corridors of the castle with my third most hated person, to wake up my second most hated person, who is very likely to want to Avada us both for waking him only hours after he managed to get to bed. "You'd better be right about this, Malfoy, or we'll be in detention for the next year." I mutter as we arrive at Snape’s door.

"You knock." Malfoy says, looking shifty in his hospital gown.

"No, it was your bloody idea!" I hiss. The cheek, I want to punch him in the gob, but things have changed now I know about he and Hermione. Before either of us have a chance to knock, we hear a booming voice and turn to see the man of the hour stalking up the corridor behind us his robes billowing behind him.

"I'm sure both of you are about to give me a good reason why you're out of bed and loitering outside my door before dawn!" His cloak swings around him, as he sneers at us both, although I can't help but notice his face softens as he looks Malfoy up and down. I'm surprised when Malfoy speaks first and I'm glad, because I think I might stutter, I’m exhausted and I’ve run out of fight.

"Professor, we need your help with a matter of—delicacy. You know I would not ask this of you if it wasn't important." He holds Snape’s eye and I eventually see him concede by nodding slightly, throwing the door open and striding inside. 

"Well, are you coming in, or will you both require a gilded invitation?" He barks over his shoulder.

I want to laugh but Malfoy's grave demeanour reminds me that, however delirious I may feel after the night’s events it would be most inappropriate timing.

Snape stands in the centre of a room filled with potions equipment, some of which is bubbling a myriad of colourful steam as he looks from one to the other of us. 

"Godfather, I have a favour to ask—" Draco falters.

Snape’s eyes snap to mine and I realise the fact that he's Draco’s godfather is a little- known fact. Hmm, interesting.

There’s silence as Snape waits for either of us to speak.

"Favours can only be granted to those who deserve it, Draco, as you well know. I do not have all night and, unlike yourselves, some of us need to be up in a few hours to teach ungrateful children." He purses his lips and I watch his eyes take us both in, his face pinched, as if he’s looking us both over for injuries. He turns, flicking a hand to set one of his brewing potions stirring on its own. "Of course, I am at your service, if you actually deign to tell me what it is you require." He bites out the last five words in the sentence and I feel like I'm back in class.

I look at Malfoy and, seeing it was his idea, I think he needs to be the one who says it. I shrug at Malfoy, but I want to shout, come on then, you prat!

Malfoy glowers at me, but then says politely, "Potter and I wish to make the unbreakable vow."

Snape, who by now is tasting a potion, lurches and spits the potion out in a rush of breath. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he turns and looks at us both in a way I'm sure contains shock and a hint of fear. He quickly schools his features and raises an eyebrow. He doesn’t speak.

"He said—" I begin.

"I heard him, Potter! Do you think that anyone older than you has somehow become demented and lost their hearing?" He snaps. His eyes are lidded as he peers at Malfoy. "Mr. Malfoy, you know what this means?"

I don't know, perhaps someone might tell me, because I don’t have a clue.

Snape’s eyes land on mine, "You understand the vow you are to make will render you unable to speak the truth on the matter you vow? That you will die if you do?"

I swallow deeply. The events of tonight seem to be never ending. There's been death everywhere, I used the cruciatus curse on Bellatrix and survived Voldemort, and if I can let him make one less Death Eater now, then I will. I nod.

"Potter I need to know you understand this vow?" Snape looks like he's reluctant to do this and it spurs me on.

"I understand!" I shout and move towards Malfoy. I lower my voice. "Tell me what I have to do." 

Usually Snape would reprimand me for such behaviour, but I think he realises I'm exhausted and past any pleasantries. 

"Then tell me the vow you wish to make." Snape sighs melodramatically as he holds out his wand.

……

"Potter will agree to protect my secret relationship with Hermione Granger and he will not tell anyone of the fact I witnessed my father’s death. In turn, I will spy for the Order."

I ignore Snape’s sharp intake of breath and look at Harry.

"Malfoy will not make his relationship with Hermione common knowledge until Voldemort is defeated, he will remain true to her and never break her heart."

I duck my head, not wanting to meet Snape’s eye, I don’t know what his thoughts must be on my relationship with Hermione, but I trust him implicitly and I know he would never tell anyone about this. He’s a good man, even though Potter may not believe it. Still, Potters here, so there must be some trust, either that or he’s a complete and utter moron.

Potter continues to talk, even though I thought he’d finished.

"And he will never reveal I used the cruciatus curse on his aunt. He will stand beside the Order as spy to protect Hermione and as many innocents as he can, regardless of what happens on his return to Malfoy Manor, and he will not take the Dark Mark unless he knows he will die if he doesn't."

I let out what sounds like a growl deep in my throat and launch himself at him, grabbing his neck and pushing him back against the wall.  "I didn't agree to those terms! I only agreed to protect Hermione!" His face is centimetres from mine, breathing as heavily as I am and I want to pummel him for these added clauses, I don’t know what will happen, but I know I might not be able to save all the innocents, only one, her!

He tries to push me off, his hands grabbing my wrists. "Malfoy! You need to make these promises, you know too much and that's my fault, but I can't allow her to be with you if you take the mark and you don’t agree to protect as many as you can!"

I shove him away, weakly staggering to a chair and I place my head in my hands. Eventually I look up, watching Snape as he tends to his potions silently once more, ignoring the kerfuffle.

“When you’re quite finished with your little display.” He speaks sarcastically, with his back to us.

"Severus, you know he'll make me take it soon enough, I'm now the head of a Pureblood family! I can't vow that I won't on pain of death, if he doesn't my mad aunt will and I'm not sure who I'm more terrified of." I confess, hating the fact I’ve admitted fear to either of them.

"Following these revelations, I think we require a Fildelius charm," Snape speaks with his back to us, his voice, the epitome of calm, "you see," he turns to us after throwing some herbs into a bubbling caldron, "I now know your secrets and you will not trust me to keep them for you unless I am part of the spell." He eyes Harry with a raised eyebrow, knowing this should put his mind at rest.

"Look, alright, I'm knackered and I just want this over with, use whichever charm you see fit, as long as I know exactly what it means." Harry rubs his jaw with his hand tiredly.

I'm beginning to wish I didn't involve myself in this, but I have, and I need to follow it through for my love, whether she knows it or not, I can’t risk her.

"I will become part of the vow under the charm, that's all you need to know, that our secrets are ours alone. I am the secret keeper." Snape informs us.

"What is your oath?" I ask, knowing the third should also have a secret.

"I only ask trust from you both, there will be a day when I may need to ask for it and I will receive it, from both of you." He enunciates the end of the sentence.

I have a strange feeling in the pit of my belly, not sure if we should make this vow, but I decide, now they know the worst of me, perhaps it doesn't matter anymore, because Hermione knows much more than either of them will ever know.

"Hold each other's arms, like this." Snape places our right hands on each other's forearms in a triad. I look into Potter’s eyes as Snape casts the spell, his words low and his voice almost mesmerising. He looks as weary as I do and his eyes light up as a golden coil binds our arms and then it’s over.

Afterwards, we head back towards the hospital wing and separate as we meet the staircase leading to Gryffindor common room. I yawn and watch Potter falter in his steps as he goes to walk away.

"I trust Snape." I speak in a low voice, "But it is his choice as Oath keeper whether to tell what we've told him." 

"Great! Just bloody great Malfoy! Why didn't you say something you utter prick! You've dragged me into this when I could've just gone to bed. Now I don't know whether I've just bound myself to a pair of lying idiot’s!" He hisses.

"If that’s how you feel, then neither do I." I deadpan with a smirk, “But at least I'm going back to lay on my girlfriend’s breasts, oh, yeah, I mean your best friend’s breasts."

"I hate you, Malfoy."

"Ditto, Potter. I'm sure you'll think about that as you lay alone in your bed. I however—" I snort and begin to walk away. I turn back as he’s almost out of sight, “The Weasley girl looks at you like you’re all her birthdays come at once.” I call out.

“Fuck off, Malfoy!” He shouts back. Christ, how does he manage to annoy me to death even when I’m trying to be nice?

..........

 

I wake and I wonder whether being in Draco’s arms was just a fantasy, perhaps none of it happened? Perhaps I was always at school and I’m in my bed in the dorm and Parvati or Lavender will begin annoying me with their early morning chatter at any moment?

“Hermione, dear?” I feel a gentle touch to my arm and look up to see the kindly face of Madame Pomphrey peering down at me.

“W-what time is it?” My throat feels gravelly, like I’ve been screaming, and I struggle to swallow.

“You’ll need a potion to soothe your voice dear, you sound like you have a toad in your throat.” She chuckles, raising her wand and doing some kind of diagnostic check on me. “But you’re not coming down with anything, so you can speak to Mr. Potter here and then head back to your dorm to rest with the others.” She moves and I see Harry sitting behind her.

I quickly glance to the partitions at the side of my bed, where Draco was and finding them gone, I set my eyes on Harry, who looks like he hasn’t slept all night, in fact, he’s still in the same clothes, albeit more rumpled.

Harry holds my gaze and utters, “He’s gone, his mother will probably be coming for him this morning.”

“Who? R-Ron?” I blurt.

“No, Ron’s fine and he’s gone to breakfast with the rest. I mean Malfoy.” His eyes are lidded as he watches my reaction.

I have to school my visage before answering. “I don’t know what you mean, why would I care about M—”

“Don’t play the innocent with me, Hermione, please, you’re not stupid, neither am I and I’m also too tired to sit here and watch you try to pretend you haven’t been seeing him.”

“I-I—” Holy shit! How did he find out? How could he know? Did he see us last night, I know he didn’t know before, there were only a few of us that knew, and I can’t believe they’d tell on me, they all knew what was on the line for all of us.

“Before you start going to the deepest recesses of your mind to figure out who might have told, you don’t need to worry, I saw you last night. I couldn’t sleep and I came here to watch over my friends, only to find one of them in bed with the enemy.” He’s biting his lips together and looking away from me.

I pull myself up, crossing my legs as I lean back against the plump pillows. He knows, and there’s no point in trying to hide it, anyway, what excuses could I make for crawling into bed with Draco which might just seem plausible? None. How the hell can I explain I love Draco, that he’s become my world? I don’t know. So, I opt to just tell him the truth. “I know this might be unbelievable, Harry, but he and I, we’re, w-we—” I feel the sting of tears and look to my fisted hands pulled into the sleeves of my hoodie, which I rub together anxiously. If I say the wrong thing Harry will never trust me again. I can’t speak, because if I do, I might just burst into tears. I can’t lose Draco, but I can’t lose my best friend either.

“I’ll save you from yourself, shall I?” His eyes are glistening as he watches me, I realise he’s struggling with this as much as I am. “I know because Malfoy told me. I found you together last night and he and I had a conversation.” He says through gritted teeth.

Oh god, I need to know Draco’s okay, the way Harry just said it leads me to believe Harry has kicked the crap out of him. “How could you hurt him? He’d just lost his father!” I bite out.

Harry chuckled gloomily, shifting in his seat with a dramatic sigh. “It’s not that I didn’t want to pound his stupid face for touching you, but even I’m not that heartless.”

“So, what happened?” I need to know, need to know Draco’s alright. I want to go to him before he leaves as I don’t know when I’ll see him again, terms almost ended, and if he leaves, he might not return until next year.

“He told me what happened between you, that you were in a relationship.” He pauses closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’d ask if it wasn’t true, but I don’t want to put you through it, so I’ll just ask you one thing.”

He looks up to me and I rub my palms over my face, wiping tears from my cheeks and awaiting whatever he’s going to ask of me. Could it be he’ll ask me to spy on Draco? I know he’s never trusted him, or will it be to end it with him, so we can remain friends? Oh god, I think I might be sick with the anticipation of it. I nod, allowing him to pose his question.

“Do you love him?”

Immediately my head shoots up, “Yes, more than anything!” I feel the tiniest watery smile flutter over my lips as I think of Draco.

“Do you trust him?”

Yes, I’ve trusted him since he made love to me and risked his life to be by my side, knowing we were destined for no end of trouble if we were found out. “Always.” I breathe. “He isn’t who you think, Harry, he’s so much more, and I’m not just saying that because I love him, I’m saying that because I know he’s changed.” The speed with which the words leave my mouth surprise even me.

“If you trust him, then I will trust him, but this must stay between us, because, after last night, we’ll all be in danger if you’re found out. Whatever happens, do not tell Ron, anything, because if he finds out, then there’ll be hell to—”

“If I find out what?”

My eyes dart up to see Ron standing behind Harry’s chair, his hands in his pockets and a large bruise on his forehead. He watches us both flounder and fills us in on what he heard. “Whatever happens, do not tell me what?”

I relax slightly, and I make up a lie on instinct, as I know if Ron had heard there would be uproar. “Harry here, was trying to convince me to tell you I wasn’t as hurt last night as I was, err, Madame Pomphrey is only letting me go now as I’ve been concussed. Harry didn’t want you to worry too much.”

We both smile at Ron who frowns and then raises his eyebrows before coming closer to sit on the side of my bed. He takes my hand and runs a thumb over my palm. “Hermione, I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up, Harry’s wrong, I was already worried, that’s why I came to find you.”

“Yeah, after you stuffed your face.” Harry jibed with a grin, stretching his leg out from his seat and poking Ron’s leg with the tip of his trainer.

Ron chuckled, “Alright, you’ve got me there, mate. I was worried when you both missed breakfast. The whole school was buzzing with what happened, I don’t know how they could’ve all found out?” Ron scratched his head with a guilty look.

“I can’t imagine how, can you Hermione?” Harry’s shoulders shook with mirth.

“Me neither, but someone must’ve told them, I just don’t know who it could’ve been?” I find it in myself to join in on Harry’s joke, even after the awful last 24 hours we’d experienced.

“Alright! It was me, but most already knew. I even heard Malfoy told to go to breakfast by Snape, they had a whispered conversation and he was there for a few minutes but left when an owl arrived for him, he almost upended the bench at the Slytherin table when he stood.”

“Oh?” Harry replied; his eyebrows raised as he looked at me behind Ron’s back.

“Well, much as I hate the slimy git, Malfoy Senior got hit by that Avada last night, so I guess it was a message from his mum.”

Ron went quiet and I struggled to gulp back tears. “I’m not hungry.” I tell them, getting up and silently walking away.

“Whats wrong with her?” I hear Ron say as I rush out of the infirmary, ignoring Madam Pomphrey’s protests.

“Ron, you are a prat sometimes, what if it was your dad who died last night? Or Hermione’s?”

I heard the echo of their voices as I ran the length of the corridor. I don’t care for their sympathy; I just need to find Draco before he leaves.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all enjoying this, I've managed to turn out another chapter with the help of my wonderful beta @badwolfjedi.   
> This story has now gone off canon, although it will continue to follow canon to a large degree.  
> Let me know your thoughts on this chapter, I'd love to hear from you and huge thanks to those who've commented and sent kudos so far.  
> *Warning - This chapter contains character death (Not main character)*

"Why have you not brought him home, Cissy? His father’s gone and he's not at the Manor, your little Lord, fruit of your loins. He should be here mourning the loss of his father." My sister sits in a chair in the parlour, her face screwed up in a sneer, her husband’s sits at her side, I, opposite the two.

"Do not test me Bella, it's before dawn, I have lost my husband at your hand, and you come here, making demands! It's not to be tolerated!" Wiffy keeps hold of my hand, even as I squeeze hard, sitting before the sister I once saw hovering over pieces of my boy’s elf. Wiffy oversees this household now and I know she is barely holding herself together at Lucius' loss. Regardless, she has made herself invaluable since the news, always near as I walked the halls of the manor in a daze last night. I feel like she's my only link, other than Draco, to my dead husband; she’d been with Lucius his whole life, later tending to my son.

"Does this filthy house elf need to be here? Sister, surely we can discuss this without it?" She sneers at the Wiffy, who holds her head high.

"Bella has apologised, Narcissa, what more can you expect? Lucius stepped in her way when she tried to Avada Potter!" Rodolphus leans towards me, he seems a little more apologetic, but I don't want excuses from him. 

"Did the Dark Lord ask you to kill Potter, Bella?" I snap, pursing my lips as Rodolphus places a hand over my sister’s wand arm, holding her as she vibrates in the same way she did as a child when she was about to lose her temper. His eyes look vaguely sorrowful as they meet mine. She forgets I am just as much of an accomplished witch as she, although I may be younger, it's just I was never a vessel of Dark Lord, always considered a homemaker, a mother and wife, one who organised the most lavish parties in society.

Bella looks like she's squirming under my gaze, because Lucius was nothing but honest with me, and she knows I’m aware there was no reason for Potter to die last night, common knowledge the Dark Lord wanted that pleasure himself, whatever pleasure one might gain from killing a child. I clench my teeth to stop myself blurting out how wrong all of this is.

"He got in my way of our cousin, sister, I wasn't aiming for Potter," she spat, "I wanted the traitor, Sirius! Potter was beside him and it wasn't my fault Lucius stood in the way! Tell her husband, tell her how it was!" 

He lowered his head, "My dark love, I didn't see, I was fighting others, your sister has earned my honesty through her years of standing beside us. I know you would never—"

"You are weak!" She screeches, her hands clawing the antique lounge chair, "Just as she is!"

I watch the nod of mockery my sister gives me, so I release my hand from Wiffy's to stand above her. I’ll show her who is weak! "Get on your knees and apologise for the loss of my husband or I will take my complaint to the Dark Lord himself!" I point my wand at her.

I watch a myriad of expressions cross my sister’s face before she shakes her head, no.

"Kneel!" I shout.

"I will not!" She lifted her head and sneered. 

I can't tell you what made me do it and I feel Wiffy pulling on my robe as I lift my wand, I no longer care about anything, only that Lucius was dead at her hand. Rodolphus moved at speed but he wasn't fast enough. I put every feeling of hatred towards her into one spell. "Crutio!" I scream, watching her fall to her knees and relishing her shrieks of pain. I know she is feeling every last bit of my wrath as it courses through my veins, ruminating in my hand to discharge through my wand.

"Narcissa, stop this! You’re sisters!" Rodolphus cries, "There is no coming back from this!"

I pause and direct my wand at him, ignoring my sisters anguished cries at my feet. "She is no longer my sister; she lost that privilege when she broke my heart! Leave now or you'll receive the same treatment! Wiffy! You will kill my brother-in-law if I bid it!" I watch the elf step to my side, without an ounce of fear. "Tell the Dark Lord, if he wants a replacement in his ranks for my husband, then he shall have one, but I have one stipulation. He may have me but not Draco. My son will finish his education, and, in return, the Dark Lord will have anything what he wants from me." He looks at me like he never knew me at all, and I chuckle, "Do you really think she is the only one who has a dark side? Mine was just hidden deeper, a trait I also owe to the House of Black." I point my wand at my sister once more and he nods, leaving hastily via the floo. 

"Cissy? Cissy, I'm sorry, f-for-" Bella crawls on her knees towards me, her teeth chattering and her body shuddering from my torture. I vaguely wonder how many others experienced the crutiatus curse at her hand, hundreds? Thousands?

"You know, sister dearest, I thought you might have at least trained yourself to withstand the curses you throw around like they mean nothing." I speak absently, kicking my sister’s wand aside as she reaches for it and watching it skitter over the parquet floor. 

How will I tell Draco of his loss? His father loved him, though he barely showed it. I knew every part of Lucius, every secret, every trial he faced. My husband always masked his feelings, apart from when he was alone with me. He was many things, Death Eater, Pureblood, father, son and heir of Abraxas and he had a face for each, but I knew he loved our son more than anything and he tried to change for his sake. He knew he'd made a mistake in the last war, he took the mark and regretted it and once Draco was born, he only attended meetings with his fellow Death Eaters when he had to. I know he wouldn't have been at the Department of Mysteries last night unless he absolutely had to be. 

"Cissy, you know daddy would hate you for this, I was his favourite and he'd turn in his grave to see what you're doing to me!" Bellatrix yelled, raising her hands, trying desperately to do wandless magic I was well aware she wasn't capable of. If she was able to achieve such a feat, the stupid cow wouldn't have been in Azkaban since the end of the last war.

I can't help the seething hatred overtaking me, I'm usually a placid sort but then my husband has never been murdered before. Now it's like a sleeping dragon has awoken inside me, roaring with anguish as it claws its way into my throat. "If you think you were his favourite, then you won't have any problem joining him!" I hold my wand arm out and stand above her. I'm surprised at how steady my voice remains when I feel like I could turn into a ball of raging fire at any moment.

"Don't do this, please don't, Cissy!" She cries, her lower lip pouting and her face filled with genuine fear.

"Tell me you renounce the Dark Lord and I'll let you live!" I'm surprised at how level my voice is.

"No, Cissy, I won't, I can't!"

"Say it or you're dead! I won't ask again!"

"If I say that, I'm dead anyway!" She cries, holding her hands together, almost prostrate before me. 

"Say it!"

"I-I, renounce him, I renounce the Dark Lord!" She sobs.

"I shall tell him of that when I inform him of my vengeance for Lucius' death!" My voice is dangerously low and feels like it does not belong to me, but a stranger. 

"No, please, Cissy, don't do this to me, he'll kill me for it!"

"Then I won't give him the opportunity!" I turn away, my eyes on Wiffy, who is still in the background watching the scene. She nods in understanding and I turn back to see my sister scooting backwards on her hands, desperation written over her features. 

"No, Cissy!" She shields her eyes with her hands, as if it will make any difference.

"Avada Kedavra!" I scream.

There is only silence as I watch my sister die before my eyes. I choke back a sob. Whatever I felt about her, she was blood, but there is no doubt the world will be a better place with her not in it. She deserved everything she got.

The floo roars and several Death Eaters arrive in quick succession.

Rudolpus looks at his dead wife and bites back a smile. Perhaps he didn't realise I knew about the rumours of my sister and the Dark Lord? I knew her husband rarely returned home to her, even when he wasn't in Azkaban, he couldn't stand to be in the same room as her. But, as in all pureblood marriages, only death would separate them and now it has. I can't say I'm sorry for it and he certainly isn't. 

I stand with perfect composure as if they'd all arrived for afternoon tea. I must, or I will break at Lucius' loss and I absolutely will not show fear or grief to these people who made my husband’s life a misery all these years. "I will be leaving for Hogwarts to collect my son. Do tell the Dark Lord I will come to him immediately, once I have informed Draco of his father’s death." I walk towards the floo as haughtily as I can. "Please ensure she is removed to your home in preparation for her funeral." I cast a hand in the general direction of my sister’s body. "I, of course, will make the preparations in the traditions of the Black family, it will be simpler to deal with two funerals at once." Rolophus looks like he might open his mouth, but I give him a sharp look and he closes it once more.

One of the others speak, someone I don't know. "Mistress Malfoy, the Dark Lord sends his apologies for the unhappy accident and advises he is awaiting an audience at your own convenience. He understands you must see to young master Malfoy first." 

"Thank you. I apologise for leaving so soon after you arrive in my home, I do not know you, but I will learn the names of those within the Dark Lords ranks as soon as possible." I tell the wizard, "Please tell the Dark Lord I will look forward to meeting with him and please do send my apologies on the death of another Death Eater. I would like to speak with him about extending his ranks, I am, after all, one of the best hostesses in pureblood society, who better than to recruit new blood on his behalf?"

"I will, my lady." I hear as I leave for the school. 

...……

Madame Pomphrey woke me and told me to go to McGonagall’s office before the others rose, she was unamused and sniffed disdainfully as she noticed Zabini and Lovegood cuddled together on a bed opposite, heading to separate the pair. I'd only slept for an hour or so and it may as well have been none for the good it did me.

I change into my clothes and groggily walk the corridors of the castle. I feel oppressive silence, like it was almost in mourning with me. I guessed I was either to be questioned about the previous night or to meet my mother. All I know is I want Hermione; I don't want to be without her, but I couldn’t risk outing our relationship before the Matron.

I'm intercepted as I walk towards Dumbledore’s office by McGonagall. She places a comforting arm around my shoulders. It’s a kind gesture I wonder if I deserve it for all the times I slagged her off to my housemates.

"Draco, your mother is here."

I nod, of course I know why.

"I want you to know there is always a place for you here at Hogwarts. Dumbledore wants to speak with you, but when he found out your mother was coming, he wanted her to speak with you first." She clears her throat, with tears glistening in her eyes, "If you feel you can, he asked if you and your mother would speak to him afterwards." We come to her office door and McGonagall opens the door with a flick of her wand sniffing loudly as the door closes and I wonder whether I should’ve offered her my handkerchief.

"Draco!" 

My mother rushes and takes me into her arms and I stiffen once her arms encircle me. "I know, so there's no point in feeling bad about telling me the truth.” I begin, shaking my head angrily as thought it might change the fact my father was dead. “I was there mother, I saw her, I saw Bellatrix cast him down!" I yell. I don't mean to, I mean to take every lesson my father taught me and retain control, like head of the Malfoy line should, but seeing her there in front of me makes me crumble to my knees. "He tried to kill children, he tried to kill them mother, and I wanted to kill him for it! I didn't have to because she did, that bitch fucking killed him!" I'm sobbing in her arms and she's on her knees before me, speaking, she's saying something I can't or won't hear. I feel like I'm there for hours, just feeling my mother’s arms around me, her murmured soft words soothing me, until the sobs slow to small hitches in my chest and I release one arm from her waist to wipe my face. 

"Draco, my love."

I look up and she pulls me to my feet, moving us to sit in two chairs opposite the fire. I'd forgotten we were in an office at Hogwarts and the light from the arched windows almost blinds my swollen eyes. 

"Firstly, you must understand your father always loved you." She reaches out to cup my face, taking one of my hands in her free one. "You're such a beautiful boy, who could help but love you?"

My mind flits to Hermione, and I wonder how my mother would feel if I told her about my love for her now. I just nod, I knew father did, Wiffy always told me. "He never told me himself and now he never will, because of her!" 

She straightens her back and clutches my hands tighter. "Draco, your aunt..."

I cringe, waiting for her to make excuses for her crazy sister.

"I killed her this morning. I couldn't help myself! Oh, sweet Salazar! I killed my own sister!" 

My mother clamps her hands on mine so tightly I think she might break bones. I watch her shudder in what I can only think is shock. I’m afraid for her but also glad my aunt was dead. "Mother, please, she deserved it, she murdered my father, your husband, she was a lunatic who escaped from Azkaban! You only did what was right!"

She stilled at my voice, regaining control and a mask settled over her face, one I'd never seen before and she took one hand back, rubbing her middle finger beneath both eyes, fixing the makeup which had run underneath with her tears. "I took her life and offered mine in return to the Dark Lord."

What? I can't believe what she's telling me, I feel like my gut has just dropped through the floor. I'm elated that the bitch is dead but terrified that my mother has offered herself up as some sort of prize to the sick bastard that's responsible for everything. "No! I won't let you do this! I-I, I'm Lord Malfoy now and you have to do what I say!" I try, knowing she'll ignore my plea. I know it sounds petulant, but believe me, it’s not meant in that way, it’s the only influence I have over her to keep her safe. 

"Draco, darling, you are now indeed the Lord of Malfoy Manor, but you hold no sway over me as Lady Black." She smiles. “You don’t need to protect me, I am capable of as much subterfuge as your father, perhaps more because who would suspect a true highborn lady of such? The queen of pureblood society. I shall use whatever wiles I have to protect you and I’ll have no arguments.”

 

"But..."

She places a finger over my lips to quiet me. "The less I know about whatever it is you might want to tell me, the less the Dark Lord will know, my son, I have a duty to stand for the houses of Malfoy and Black in the place of their discounted members. I must say, it will not be easy, but I will say this only once; you will not involve yourself in any of this, and whatever happens, you will never take the mark, or all my sacrifices will be in vain. Am I understood?" 

Her voice commands it, and I want to tell her it's my job, that I'm both Lord Malfoy and Lord Black, but her face has never looked so forbidding or filled with determination. I've never seen such forcefulness in her before, it is a trait she's learned from my father but never exhibited before. She almost reminds me of my lioness in her resolve to do only what is right.

I nod and trust her, not sure of what else to say, I know by the set of her jaw that she won't change her mind.

"I want you to be happy, I wish you could tell me everything about your life, but this is no longer to happen. Only tell me things from now on that you would want as public knowledge. One day, when this is all over, we shall take tea and you shall tell me everything I've missed. Until then, you shall finish school and return to the manor only when you must."

"But mother, please! I can protect you! I will kill anyone who stands in my way."

"Oh sweetheart, I know you would, but this is not your battle, this is mine and you must allow me to do this" She brushes a few floppy strands of hair out of my eyes. "Now, I must go to speak with the Dark Lord and make plans. I insist you do everything to keep yourself safe, my dragon, do whatever needs to be done." She hugs me and places an envelope in my hand, whispering in my ear, "From your father, I do not, and cannot know it's contents. I love you and I'll see you at your father’s funeral tomorrow."

I look at the envelope as the door closes behind me and something tells me things will never be the same again in the Malfoy household.

I run my fingers over the thick parchment and read my name written on the front of the envelope, turning it to see my father’s seal. I thumb it for a moment while I wonder what he possibly might have to tell me in this final letter to me. I open the letter and sit by the fire, wishing Hermione was here. A Malfoy is nothing but polite and my mother wouldn't...I pause, she wouldn't like it if I kept the headmaster waiting and sought out Hermione first. I snort lightly, but I made a promise to her, regardless of whether I'll be alone when I return to the manor and I purse my lips when I think of what she may have to endure at the hands of the Dark Lord.

The paper unfurls in my hand and I hesitate, worried about what I might read. Will he want me to follow him into the service of the Dark Lord? Will I feel at odds with what my living mother and dead father will want?

Opening the parchment, I'm surprised to firstly see ingredients for a potion, followed by his letter.

 

_"My son. If you are reading this then I have passed on to meet Merlin._

_The day you were born was the greatest day of my life, because I felt I'd accomplished something good for once in a life filled with terrible choices, that is apart from your mother, but I need not remind you marrying her was not a choice I made. To love her was, and she made me happier than I ever expected, her strength, kindness and beauty, were always a wonder to me._

_I’ve lived how my father expected, as a male heir of the Malfoy line, following hundreds of years of tradition I barely knew the origin of. Draco, I wished to change centuries of father-son relationships when you were born, and I intended to, but I took a step in the wrong direction when the Dark Lord came, flaunting his ideals of purity and ridding the world of lesser holders of magic. I admit I was taken by the world he offered, a world my son could lead above all others as head of the Malfoy line._

_When the first war ended,_ _I stayed away from you. I did my fatherly duties but the more I saw you mimic my opinions, the more I tried not to influence you. I had no choice but to follow as a Death Eater, I knew he would return, and I had to remain his loyal servant to protect our family. Even your mother didn't know the full truth, but she held me as I struggled with my choices, she is a good woman who understands the need for strategy in wartime, her father doted on her and taught her invaluable skills. I was watched closely by my fellow Death Eaters, and I did the same, we all watched each other, because we knew on the Dark Lord’s return, he would know every thought we had, every utterance we voiced against him. I didn't want you to live a life in his service, to do unspeakable things to others alongside wizards who did not deserve the name._

_I hate to say it, joining him was the biggest mistake of my life and I believe the Weasley’s, Longbottom’s and Shaklebolt’s took the righteous path, the only ones of the sacred twenty-eight who had guts to take up arms against him and I'm regretful I did not join them._

_I cannot advise you of what to do, my dragon, you must do what is right, do what I was never able to, because if you take the mark you will live a life of regret, as I have. Do what you must to ensure you and your mother are safe. Be the Slytherin you are, make well placed moves to avoid the Dark Lord but take no gambles with your life, leave the country if you must and beware your aunt and uncle._

_The Manor and glory of the Malfoy name are only fantasy and are nothing compared to your life. I regret not telling you I love you, son, but I always have and I beg you to protect yourself, for I will sleep comfortably knowing you and your mother are safe and you will know the joy of the birth of your own issue._

_There is a potion of my own devising enclosed, place it in the right hands to ensure it does some good. I will leave the decision up to you._

_I bid you, burn this letter once you have memorised its contents._

_Your loving father,_

_Lucius."_

 

I will never forget the words of this letter, so I cast it into the flames, pocketing the ingredients for the potion. I watch for some time as the parchment blackens into ash, the heat from the fire drying the tears on my cheeks. I make the decision I will never cry again. I am Lord Malfoy, and if my father taught me anything, it is determination and how to wear a mask no other will break.

I stand on unsteady legs, thoughts rioting inside my head. My father has gone against everything he ever told me in one, now destroyed letter and it's hard to take in. If I didn't know it was his scribe, I would never have believed it. Leaving to speak with the Headmaster seems easier now I know I have his blessing to speak my mind.

...……

Draco has changed, I know this from the events of the previous night. I thought I would never see a day when he colluded with Potter to make a vow such as they did. There's so much more to either of them than they'll ever know, and I fear they will both find this out the hard way now the Dark Lord has returned.

As Draco’s Godfather, I wanted to give commiserations on his father’s death, since I am to replace Lucius as a father figure in his life, whatever good that will provide him, but the thinnest of strings connected the two, via the Granger girl, and I knew these two needed this connection and I could not allow it to break by showing a moment of weakness. Potter has angered me for many years with his insolence, but I do what I do for his mother, him too, though he will never know it. I will never speak of my love for her and no other will know other than Lupin and Black, who I've since found survived the battle at the Ministry and is under the protection of the Order. I don't suppose with war looming they would even think of my close friendship with Lily, so I think my secret is safe with my childhood bullies. This is why I felt something stir within my deadened heart when these boys made their pact. I care for them equally, for one as if he was my own son and the other as the son who could've been mine in another life. Enough sentimentality for now. I raise my hand to knock on the door to Dumbledore’s office, the door opening as he sits at his desk chewing on one of the sweet’s he seems so fond of partaking in. 

"Severus, come, we have much to discuss before the Malfoy boy arrives." He bids me to take a seat beside Minerva who gives me a tight smile. I nod politely in return, sitting beside her.

"Albus, the boy’s just lost his father, as I already said, he should return home with his mother." I listen to her plea. She is a gifted witch and house mother, one who taught me as a child, and tried to offer me comfort in my own troubled times, I never forgot that. Her heart is her best and worst attribute, it leads her head, but she has a side to her which is harder, savvy and hidden beneath the surface. I can see why she's Dumbledore’s deputy.

"I disagree, the boy should remain here until he must leave, there are days until term ends, we must..." I speak up. Draco must return home, or the Dark Lord will think him a traitor or a coward, either one punishable by death.

"No! Albus! Please hear me, we must keep him here! He'll be in danger when he leaves these walls!" Minerva interrupts me hastily. 

Of course, he’ll be in danger, but then Draco is now in danger wherever he is. "If I am permitted to finish," I bite out, "Then I would agree with you, Minerva." I watch a look of shock cross her face, and she looks like she's sucked upon sour pumpkin juice. 

"Please, do continue, Severus." She waves her hand in my general direction, rolling her eyes. 

I almost chuckle but continue. "As I was saying, the boy should remain here until he can no longer, we should ask him to attend his father’s funeral and advise his mother he must return right away for further instruction in potions before the summer break. I will be attending and will ensure this happens. We're all aware of how grave his situation is, and I will not watch him fall into something he is not prepared for."

Minerva sucks in her breath and I see her hands clasp the arms of her chair.

"Severus, he shouldn't need to be involved in anything, he is a child and as such should remain under our protection." 

I want to tell her how dangerous it will be to keep him here, that it will look like he's a traitor to the Dark Lord, and I'm about to speak when Dumbledore waves a hand and Fawkes shifts his feathers in annoyance, woken from his slumber. I hadn't noticed him before. The bird has been angered by my presence ever since I once tried to milk his tears for my potion’s experiments. 

"I agree he must be here as much as possible, Minerva, but we cannot protect him from his family or their connections with Tom. But..." He pats air to quiet Minerva as she lets out a squeak of protest, "I think we need to wait and watch how this pans out."

"No, I will not allow you to wait and watch what happens!" She stands and walks towards his desk, "I won't have..."

We're interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Ah, Draco, I was wondering when you'd arrive." Dumbledore rises with a small smile and walks to the boy, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You're here alone I see, has your mother left?"

Dumbledore knows every movement in or out of the school, but still, I rise and stand beside Draco. I know I'll leave to speak with Narcissa later and ask her what she means by this. Draco clears his throat and nods, I feel for the boy, I've already received word by owl that Bellatrix has been cast down at her hand.

"My mother sends her apologies, but she was feeling unwell and took her leave, my father..."

"My dear boy, we know of the situation and we want only to offer our deepest regret for your sad loss." Dumbledore interjects.

"Sir, with the greatest respect, I cannot believe you feel the loss of my father requires any sympathy at all." Draco growls, his shoulders giving the barest quiver.

"Then you do not understand me at all." Dumbledore walks to his desk and snaps his fingers, a hot chocolate for he and Draco now sits on his desk and he asks him to come closer with a cupped hand gesticulating to the chair at the side of his desk.

Draco tenses for a moment, but I tap his lower back and he walks forward, taking the seat as he's bidden. I take my own again, glancing at Minerva, who gives me a watery smile.

"Draco," Dumbledore begins, "Your father attended this school when I was first Headmaster. If memory serves, I'd been in the role for three years. He was an excellent student like yourself, a prefect, which is not something any Headmaster offers without great thought."

"You know that isn't what I mean, how can you even try to speak well of a man who was a Death Eater!" Draco hisses, his hands white as they grip the chair.

"I can speak well of him because he was once a perfect student, he hadn't made any mistakes then Draco, he was a boy like you. Yes, he made choices we may not agree with now, but I am also old enough to tell you of his father too. Your father was once a boisterous young man with a bright future and Abraxas was a hard father. He was so strict the boy barely put a foot out of line." Dumbledore was gentle but his eyes were on Draco as if asking if his own father was as harsh, he may not have got away with half the bullying we all knew he had undertaken in the past if he had been. He continued, "Abraxas required weekly reports on Lucius’ behaviour and I gave glowing reports, because I feared for his safety at home, much as I now fear for yours, Draco."

"There's no need, my mother wouldn't harm me, she and I just wish to recover from my father’s death, you need not worry." Draco’s jaw lets a tell-tale tick give him away and I know Dumbledore notices. 

"I'm certainly not suggesting your mother would anything of the sort, I remember how lovely Narcissa was, such an accomplished witch with so much potential, I often wondered if she'd become Minister one day, I hear her parties are legendary." Dumbledore chuckles as he sits back in his chair, taking a sip of his drink and nodding to Draco to do the same. "But I know there are other areas of your life which may cause you discomfort in your home. I want you to know, Draco, we're all here for you if you need us. My door is always open to you, as are the other professors."

Draco looks exhausted and I stand. "Headmaster, I think it's been a rather trying day for Draco, he was in the infirmary last night, after all. Perhaps he should go to his dorm to rest?" The boy looks at me like I've sprouted two heads. I understand as I rarely admit any care, he's used to me being my usual sarcastic self.

"Of course," Dumbledore moves to stroke Fawkes’ tail, and the bird coos. 

Draco hovers for a moment. "Your bird is a Phoenix, she is beautiful." He moves forwards to brush its feathers tentatively.

"Fawkes is male, but yes, he is magnificent, he's been my faithful companion for many years, he often comes when needed in my stead." Dumbledore looks pointedly at Draco.

"Well now," Minerva stands and quickly wipes below her eyes, "I think I'll see Mr. Malfoy back to his dormitory, "If that's alright with you, Professor Snape?"

I agree, because I feel she may be the better option now, Dumbledore and I have much more to discuss.

……

I'm running through the halls, ignoring the students heading to their next class. Neville spots me and tries to grasp my arm but I shake him off, hearing him call my name as I head towards the dorms with the chatter of students ringing in my ears. I have to find Draco; I need to know if he's okay before he leaves for home. 

The corridors begin to clear as I reach the dungeons and I catch Pansy Parkinson as the last to leave Slytherin dorm, grasping her arm. "Where’s Dr—?" I quickly rethink, "Where's Malfoy?" She gives me a most curious look and I notice her eyes are red, like she's been crying.

"Why do you care, Granger?" She shrugs off my hand and turns to walk away.

I have to think fast and reply, "I've been sent by Professor Snape, err, he said something about not handing his potions paper in on time."

"Oh, um, yeah, that was meant to be in this morning, but he wasn't in class. I don't know why Snape didn't ask one of us though, although he came in in the foulest mood and looked like he might hex us if we spoke." She ponders.

I'm amused, because this is the longest conversation, I've ever had with the haughty Slytherin with the perfect bob.

"You weren't there either," she eyes me, "so we had to answer questions, it was bloody annoying," I watch as she fingers the tips of her hair to check it’s in place, "I've told you, why are you still here, fancy him do you?" 

Pansy's eyes darken with jealousy and I wish I could retort and inform her he's long been mine. "Could I just check his room? He has one of the books I need for potions and I can't finish my essay without it. You can tell him to find me in the library if he wants it."

Her eyes drift to my clothing and I know I'm done for.

"You look like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards, Granger, not that you look much different normally, but no, I don't think you'll be going anywhere near his room." She clutches her books to her chest, moving so close to my face I can feel her breath. "I don't know what you're up to—"

"Miss Parkinson!" I hear Professor McGonagall call out behind Pansy, "I believe you should be awaiting my tuition in Transfiguration? I am heading there momentarily, and I will expect to see you seated and ready to learn." She barks. 

My body relaxes as I see Draco poke his head out from behind the professor, peering at what the fuss is about. Pansy huffs and strides off, thank Merlin, and Draco stands before me and the door looking at us both guiltily. I want to rush to him and take him in my arms, but it seems McGonagall is reluctant to leave us alone.

"Miss Granger, I have no idea why you would be chatting with Miss Parkinson outside the Slytherin dormitory but please, do feel free to leave for Gryffindor and allow Mr. Malfoy to enter." 

 

"I-I, err, I need to borrow a book from Malfoy." I blurt, wincing as she raises an eyebrow, looking firstly at me and then to him.

"I suppose you need Ancient Potions of the Celt’s? I didn't return it on time, could you put in a word with Madame Pince on my behalf, Professor? I'll retrieve it now for Granger." He said sweetly and I watched McGonagall melt at his vulnerable look. I could almost burst out laughing at how manipulative he can be.

"Of course, Mr. Malfoy, consider it done." She nods and stalks away. 

"What did you do to McGonagall? She was like butterfly weed in your hand." I giggle as he reaches out and pulls me close, my body colliding with his. 

"Don't know, don't care." He replies as he inches his nose along the column of my neck, and I feel his heated breath over my collarbone. "I missed you." He breathes.

I place my hands on his shoulders and pull back before I fall under his spell, needing to know he's alright. I cup his face, moving closer until I feel his breath mingle with mine. "Why are you being so shady, Malfoy?" 

He smirks at my use of his surname in our own company, but then I watch a shadow cross his face.

"Because you'll hate the password to the dorm, McGonagall is half blood and she'd hate it too." He frowns.

"You didn't choose it, so—"

"I did, I was the one who chose it." He dips his head, his eyes on his feet.

"Is it Mudblood?"

"No." He shakes his head.

"Then who cares?" I raise my eyebrows in exasperation. 

He mutters the password, that is not quite as bad as I thought, ‘Pureblood’ I follow him inside to see the most amazing sight. I've never seen the other common rooms and now I’ve seen this one, I want to see them all.

"Wow, this is gorgeous." I tell him, running for the windows to look at what I can see under the black lake. The water laps against the window and the rooms decked out in dark wood and plush leather furnishings, sunlight filtering over the top of the water and scattering a myriad of tiny rainbows over the room. I kneeled on a dark green leather chair and press my face against the glass. 

"I've seen the Giant Squid late at night," he chuckles, "I think it likes the low glow of the fire, it touches the window sometimes with its tentacles."

I rest my forehead against the cool glass for a moment. "I wish we'd been together this morning. I was back in my bed when I woke and thought it was all a dream."

"I wish some of it was a dream, my father obviously but then—" He huffs without completing his sentence.

"Harry was there," I interject, "he saw us together, he told me what happened."

"Yeah." 

I turn and he's running his hand through his hair, not meeting my eye.

"He was okay about it, you know, I suppose as much as he could be."

Draco grins and sits with a thump on the chair opposite me. "As much as he ever will be. He thought I'd taken advantage of you, so I eventually had to tell him we were in a relationship.” He looks up sharply. “We are still in a relationship, aren’t we?”

I rise and sit on his lap, smoothing his hair and kissing his brow. “Of course, I love you.”

“I love you too.” He murmurs, his eyes fluttering closed at my touch.

He continues, “We had a row in the supplies cupboard, and I thought he might throttle me, but he eventually told me that he'd kill me if I hurt you and said it was your decision."

Christ on a bicycle, did he really? I know he'd said the same to me this morning, but I never thought he'd let Draco off so easily. "I told him I love you and we nearly got caught by Ron walking in as we promised to keep it between us. I've never lied so much in my life until I met you." I smile but then it's disappears when I see the look in his face.

"I apologise for that, it was never my intention for you to have to tell untruths, sweetling."

He shifts, hugging me tighter around the waist as we sit before the fire, heat rises in my cheeks as I hear the earnest tone in his voice.

"We always knew what we were getting ourselves into, Draco." 

"Still, it’s not right for the Gryffindor Princess to have to fabricate whats she’s doing when she’s with me." He fingers a curl on my upper breast and I bite my lip, it's been so long since I felt his touch and last night’s kiss only served to set alight the glowing embers which I thought had only been dampened since the night I broke up with him. 

"Hermione." He says in a gruff, low tone, his fingers gliding from my décolletage to my waist.

"We can't, not here!" I squeak, with very little fight.

"No?" He eyes me thoughtfully, "Then perhaps over a bed in the infirmary?"

I slap his arm, flushing. "That is just—" Hot, the thought is red hot, but its daytime and we'd never get away with, although I file that fantasy away for another day.

"Just what? Granger, hmm?" He's almost purring as we stand, his hands round my hips to cup my bum in both hands, swivelling his pelvis over mine.

Him calling me Granger again sends a rush of goosepimples across my skin. I think there's a chance I might just give in and shag him then and there, but I change my mind as I hear a loud snap from the fire and jump.

"So, where do you want me kitten? Because if you don't decide soon, I might just have you over Goyle’s wingback chair." His chuckle is so low it's almost inaudible but still I feel it on the nape of my neck as he turns me, pulling me to his muscular chest. 

"I hope you're joking, because there's no way I want to be made love to where some big buffoon perches on a regular basis!" I protest.

"Then choose, my bed in the dorm or the broom cupboard outside, my sweet." He pushes my top aside and flicks his tongue along my shoulder in circular motions. 

There's no way I can wait, "Draco Malfoy, stop teasing me and take me to bed before I hex you!" I demand.

"As you wish, Miss Granger." 

Godrick, he's so smooth I find myself wetter than I already was.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Narcissa is bad ass in this chapter and its built the foundations for her to protect Draco. We are left wondering how Draco will continue, he's taking a moment to reconnect with Hermione but that doesn't mean he will just lay down and accept his mother becoming a Death Eater. I'd love to hear what you think.


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